A Space of My Own

Behold the Lamb

2012-02-12T10:03:00.000-08:00

Behold the Lamb who bears our sins away,
Slain for us: and we remember
The promise made that all who come in faith
Find forgiveness at the cross.

So we share in this Bread of life,
And we drink of His sacrifice,
As a sign of our bonds of peace
Around the table of the King.

The body of our Savior, Jesus Christ,
Torn for you: eat and remember
The wounds that heal, the death that brings us life,
Paid the price to make us one.

The blood that cleanses every stain of sin,
Shed for you: drink and remember
He drained death's cup that all may enter in
To receive the life of God.

And so with thankfulness and faith
We rise to respond: and to remember.
Our call to follow in the steps of Christ
As His body here on earth.

As we share in His suffering,
We proclaim: Christ will come again!
And we'll join in the feast of heaven
Around the table of the King.

We sang this song in church today. It's more a communion song, but we didn't have the Holy Communion today. Still I think it was very meaningful and parts of it made me cry.

I remember when The Passion of Christ just came out we cried buckets of tears over the crucifixion scene. I remember I cried primarily because such brutality was inflicted upon Christ because of my sins. I cried because of what He went through.

Today I cried because as always, I am reminded of His love for me and how miraculous, how undeserving, how powerful, that saving grace is. It's more than Christ just going through a brutal death so that we may live. It's so much more than that. Not just so that those who believe in Him passively escape hellfire into a safe place called heaven. No, if that is what you believe in you totally downplay the magnitude of your salvation.

If you're a believer you were saved unto justification, sanctification, and glorification. Men who before this hated God, and do not know Him; justified from the guilt of sin, sanctified to live a new life, and ultimately glorified with the ranks of being a 'child of God'. Absolute security, absolute love, absolute grace for each day, now and forever. No guilt in life, no fear in death. Freedom to escape condemnation from sin so that we may learn to live a life without sin. Security in knowing that God works all things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). Security in knowing we are loved with everlasting love, and nothing can move us from His love. All this done through the cross, so that whomsoever who believes, shall not perish (in sin), but have everlasting life.

How can the knowledge of this not change your life. How can this not just fill up your heart and your life and how can you not make knowing Him your priority after what He has done for you.

In the past two days, I've quietly listened through a series of conversations from someone I appreciate and respect that broke my heart. How do you respond to someone who has given up hope that he can be right with God again and that's the way it's going to stay? How do you encourage someone who has attempted to give up a vice for as long as a year, only to relapse into it again due to physical weakness (literally)? When serving in church is viewed as a burden because people 'pull you in' and you're obliged to do it again and again? When the main aim of working day in and day out is so that you get a decent pay and you improve your life and then what? Life is so short. Too short. And it's literally burning away.

The saddest thing is after hearing all this I don't know what to say. It's all and well to pull out Bible verses and say, "I can do all things in Christ who gives me strength." I believe in this, and it helps me, but will it help another who has given up in believing in this? Who has given up in depending on the Lord to saved him in saving him again? I do not know the right things to say and have only remained silent. Who am I to say I've been through the same struggles? I have not.

But thank God when words fail, I can still pray. And thank Him that when I don't understand - He does. And thank Him that although a man's love for God can fail, God's love for His chosen does not fail. It is an encouragement for me. And I still believe that there's room for grace even in what I think is a difficult situation for there is nothing too hard for God to overcome.

And I believe that even though I'm really bad at talking and encouraging people, I can do all things in Christ who gives me strength.

莫忘初衷

2012-02-11T11:04:00.000-08:00

做工久了, 会时而麻木, 时而感慨.

得常提醒自己, 自己当初想进入药剂这行业是为什么, 自己个人在公司里想为上帝做什么.

当工作只是一个规律时, 看不见自己的小小贡献可以挽救生命, 或提高某人的生活素质.

看到自己的上司, 有时也会忘记自己在谁的权威下工作.

我事奉的要是上帝, 不是人.

我要进取不为了自己要往上升.

我的工作要进步, 因为我要为药物的使用者负责任.

做久了, 有时只想追求自己喜欢的事.

忘记 - 这个行业是个奉献, 是个责任.

忘记我是为了这个责任, 而选择在这个行业发展下去.

所以要提醒自己: 莫忘初衷.

这样才能达到我要进取的方向.

I Like This Quote

2012-02-07T06:18:00.001-08:00

Still, I'm trying to finish my big, borrowed analytical instrument text book as soon as I can. And today I've leafed to page 100 ++! Because I skipped like 80 plus pages which was about electrical circuits.

Filling Up Those Time-Pockets

2012-02-05T05:36:00.000-08:00

I think I should be pretty happy and satisfied now. I've got two things in my hand to fill up my time when I'm at home, and that doesn't include shopping (which I usually do).

Firstly, I got to serve as transcriber for my pastor's daily audio devotionals. Link as below.

http://www.youtube.com/evangelistmikeredick

The transcribing just started out so not every day is transcribed yet. There's also Pastor Jason's devotionals but so far I'm only doing Pastor Mike's, which I feel is the more challenging one because he talks quite quickly. Sometimes it is necessary for me to listen many times before I completely get what he says. And the speed at which he talks made me feel inclined to speed-type too, so my first transcribe ended with my last fingers of both hands feeling rather dead.

I'm glad to be able to serve in this area, as the devotionals are also spiritual food to my soul, and I hope, to many souls as well. As usual, I sometimes have my doubts about this non face-to-face outreach thing, always wondered that who would come across such devotionals besides regular church members (if they are interested), unless the pastor or preacher is a really famous one. Oh me of little faith! I always need to remind myself that God can use any channel, any vessel, in His own time and way to convict and convert. I need to learn to trust in His power and grace.

Another thing which I'm doing now is trying to read a 1,000 over page text book on laboratory instrumental analysis lent to me by my team leader. So far it has been three days and due to various reasons (such as need for huge sleep amounts for night shifts), I have only read 5 pages. Will try to be do better in the coming off-rest. :( Still I can see why this is going to be a useful book. I won't be ploughing through the whole book entirely, but at least I would be able to finish reading most of the relevant parts and it will help me develop in my job. I'm really thankful for my team leader's generosity in offering to lend me his book, and being willing to explain things that I don't understand.

Today was another of those Sundays where I go to church after night shift. My colleagues probably think it's a length too far to go for 'religious obligations', but I feel otherwise. I sustain myself to going to church after night shifts not because of any virtue of myself, but only because God is worthy of worship. Going to church weekly doesn't make us 'good' because it's some responsibility we managed to fulfill, but it is solely because God's greatness and goodness demands this worship.

When I was considering whether or not to take up this shift job this was my primary concern. Will I be missing church regularly because of shift work? Will I put my work before my worship? I think to some extent there is already some compromise. Like how I leave BS half-an hour early for night shift. Like how I miss Sunday service every once a month because of morning shifts. Therefore I make it a point not to miss any services that I could attend.

It is not easy to stay awake after night shifts. Because it's not enough just to drag myself to church, I need to stay alert all through as well, otherwise it will be meaningless. Thank God so far He has sustained me with His strength and love. Every time when I sing for worship after night shifts, I am so glad in my heart that I came, because I feel His sustaining power and grace. Because I feel His worthy-ship.

Me Fats Soon

2012-01-30T01:55:00.001-08:00

I'm going to be super fat (well, in relative terms) around 26 days from now. And nope, sadly (or maybe not) this doesn't refer to any of my body parts. However I'd rather this thing gets fat rather than my body does (for now). I'm talking about my bank account!

I did not kena lottery/jackpot/lucky draw or anything. I am simply, by effect of my own carelessness, getting a salary backpay next month.

What happened was last Friday one of my colleagues who was as new as I told me to check my e-payslip again because she found out that she wasn't getting double-paid as we should on public hols. It turned out that it was the same for me too! Apparently I (or we) did not notice this because on our payslip it was listed that our shift allowances for public holidays were already doubled. However, our basic pay were not. It turned out that some option wasn't checked by HR and that was why we haven't been getting our pay.

So they are back-paying us next month. And I am getting my basic pay for SIX public holidays in one month's salary on top of my usual pay and allowances. I guess this is the largest debit figure I'll be seeing in my account so far (moderated by CPF deduction though). And I think the next step is to change my savings account settings for March so the bulk of it converts into untouchable savings before I am tempted to help boost Singapore's economy in my own way.

Anyway, on a separate note: I think I've found a niche in church which I can potentially serve in! Everything is not finalized yet, but I've been praying about it since I first knew about this. :) I guess next to music (or maybe on par to music), this is the area which I think I can serve best, and would enjoy serving in the most.

Also back in my home-church, I think I'll be doing Chinese-English translation most of the time from now on most of the time. There are two major areas in my academic life that I've really tried hard to develop: firstly music, and secondly, languages. I never planned these as careers, and never even pushed myself that far to really excel in them. But these are the two things that I feel, really let me be who I am; even when sometimes I'm not sure who I really am. And these are the two things I really do from my heart.

I'm really thankful to have the opportunity to serve God in these two areas. Both through my strengths, and my weaknesses. Every time I serve I see things which I am weak in, and probably would never be strong at. My piano playing hits a bottle neck, and is always without artistic flair. My verbal translations are kind of OK as long as you do not look at my facial expressions (or rather the lack of them) when I'm speaking. And my writing, as I've mentioned umpteen times - attempt to be a bit of everything, but never the whole of it. But it is because I see these weaknesses, I learn to depend on God to work out the fruits of my hands. And it is because of this dependence - I learn not to despise what I have despite it being, apparently, 'not enough' in the eyes of a rational man.

Breaking Boundaries

2012-01-15T09:22:00.000-08:00

I realized very long ago that I'm a girl who lives in a box. A box with boundaries defined mainly by habits, family upbringing and principles. While some of these things are good, others are very limiting. Ironically although I am aware of these boundaries I find it really really hard to change myself or my circumstances to break free of them. (Guess why I stuck to the same hairstyle for years though I knew I looked awful in it. Guess again why my current hairstyle has not changed since then.)

And it's not just the hair. It's the type of clothes I wear, the way I learn things, the way I do things, things I do, things I do not do, places I go, my perception of what's right and wrong, things I spend my money on, music I listen to, and even areas in which I serve in church, and areas which I want to develop myself in. In fact I can say that I am one of the most self-limiting of people I've ever met. Whatever changes I eventually made were of very gradual phases, and most of them were done because they were necessary. Otherwise, they were made because of some push from somewhere, or influence of other people.

I will never spearhead any radical development plan or birth of new ideas. In fact I was appalled by the notion that as RHCME Chairperson in my second uni year, I was supposed to improve the committee by making new changes. Sad to say I had tried to to keep those to a minimal, and credit for whatever good things that came out of that year goes largely to Andrew (who was a Year 1 freshie at that time). My idea of chairing the committee was keeping things status quo. Needless to say, I was okay as a chairperson, but at the same time, mediocre.

If I were Singaporean, PAP would have a field day throwing propagandas at me. The 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it' mentality, 'culture of fear', 'don't rock the boat', etc are created for people just like me. People who are just aiming for mediocracy, security, but not development. Well, maybe development, but only the kind that is safe.

I don't want to be like this. But this is me, and how can I not be me? How can a stay-at-home couch potato transform into an adventurer? How can Bilbo Baggins at the age of 50 venture out of his comfy hobbit hole to join an unknown bunch of dwarfs to reclaim their gold from a much-feared dragon Smaug?

I think the only time I took the initiative and stepped out of my comfort zone to learn/try new things on my own was when I was doing my industrial attachment during my final uni year. In fact, now when I look back, I don't know what came over me those first few weeks. I was, I think, more enthusiastic than even new recruits. I dug files, and folders, and opened links to get hold of whatever information I could about the pharmaceutical world. I said 'hi' to other colleagues and asked their names (only for the first two months though). I read every single forwarded email, and 99.99% of them didn't concern me or my work. I read HR-related Harvard-published articles, did web-based courses that are not required of me, read research papers during my free time, and talked to other colleagues who sat next to me on the bus on the way back to find out how lab systems work.

How I wish - how I wish that IA student was still in me. I wonder how she got there in the first place, but the information she gleaned on her own, the contacts she made, the impressions she formed: seriously made me wonder if that was really me.

I want to be like that. Excited to learn new things, keep wanting to learn new things. Not to be afraid of making mistakes, or think when watching a demo that I'm going to mess up this and that later. I still am excited about my now, but there is no drive, no push to stretch my limits. I only want to learn as much as I comfortably could, and not as much as I really could. Sometimes when my colleague tells me how strenuous his own trainings used to be, how they were really (sometimes unreasonably) stretched: I would think that kind of training lifestyle would be useful to me. Not pleasant, definitely; but most certainly useful. Just the same way I was forced to be independent when my supervisor was on leave during IA days and I had to follow up on all her threads. Was telling another colleague another day - that it is grace given to me from my trainer to be lenient with me; but it is my responsibility NOT to be lenient with myself. I wonder how much of that statement I'm keeping up.

And it's not just work. It's my whole Christian life too. How much time have I spent serving God? Is it really work that is holding me back? If my irregular shift timetable is a barrier to me formally serving in church, how am I serving the community, or even my friends/housemates in other ways? I haven't been doing enough, and I call 'work' out as an excuse. I haven't been stretching my limits, just walking within my comfort zone, letting the days pass just like that. How do I let God shine in and through my life?

I'm excited about going to Phillippines for school-evangelicalism in July for several reasons. Firstly, I need something to break myself out of this 'comfort zone' momentum. To focus on sharing the gospel and praying for people even just for a week, for me to get the priorities of my life right again. To experience the power of God through His gospel. To humble myself when I see how others grow in faith and works. Yes I am anticipating this - and I need to start preparing myself for now. Meanwhile I need to pray and start using baby steps to jump start little breakthroughs in my life. To let go, and let God.

虽然逆着风, 你給我勇气. This line of a song meant a lot to me when I heard them, because of what I wrote above. I have needed that 勇气 for a while.

Another Book Down

2012-01-09T02:41:00.000-08:00

I finished yet another e-book of Brandon Sanderson's, The Alloy of Law, a stand-alone continuation of the Mistborn trilogy (and tonnes of other library books besides).

The thing that made this new world interesting is how it originated from the Mistborn world. Characters have interesting limited Allomantic/ Feruchemical abilities. None are Mistborn (possess a combination of all such abilities). And unlike Sanderson's usual fantasy world, this one is a bit more evolved. They actually have electricity and railway tracks, and instead of fighting with merely Allomantic/Feruchemical powers, they have guns and pistols and grenades. This changes the condition of the playing ground more than ever.

Anyway here's a summary of the four main characters for my own amusement. I love how characters in games and books have special abilities that give them an edge over others, and the abilities they lack provide their own limitations.

1) Wax. Forty-plus, supposedly main character in the book, but a little too boring for me. Still can't get over the fact that he accidentally killed his lover many many years ago, and is emotionally traumatized by the event. His Allomantic ability is to be able to push around metal objects (or be pushed backwards by them if the objects are heavier than he is). His Feruchemical ability is to be able to store up his weight in metal-minds (able to decrease weight at will), and use the stored up weight to dramatically increase his weight later. Logical and cool thinker.

2) Wayne. Also around the same age as Wax. But far more interesting. Cheery and optimistic. Has a talent in picking up and imitating accents of people around him, and to him, accents tell exactly who you, what you do and what you've been through. Master of disguise. These two points (and his witty snide remarks), easily makes him my favorite character in the book. His Allomantic ability is to be able to bend time bubbles, dramatically slowing down time for himself and those within his bubble, in which he can change disguises, create private conversations or move around. His Feruchemical ability is that of healing, he can store up health in his metal minds (thus making himself weak at the moment), to use the health for instant healing. However, the amount of health he can store up is very limited, and can be used up very quickly.

3) Marasi. Young girl, a bit of a nerd, fan of both Wax and Wayne, and crushes on Wax. I'm glad they didn't get together though, I didn't think they'd make a good couple. University student who studies criminology, blurts out random quotes from professors, psychological behavior justifications, and statistics from time to time, which can be quite useful. Quite good at using firearms. She is not a Feruchemist (cannot store abilities in metalminds), but is an Allomancer. Her Allomantic ability is opposite of that of Wayne's - letting her speed time up for those within her time bubble.

4) Mike. The Villian. Almost invincible because both his Allomantic and Feruchemical abilities come from the same metal (gold), allowing him to draw vast amounts of health into himself automatically; letting him heal instantly from any wound and regrow body parts, no matter how large the wound is. He plays the part as the good guy gone bad. Also quite a smart guy.

With those characters - there's so much potential for a good story in The Alloy of Law, and Sanderson has crafted it well. For once the love story is not overly cheesy (although I wish Marasi wouldn't blush so much, it's annoying); and I was actually glad she and Wax didn't get together despite their attractions for each other. It ended with a cliff hanger, and if there's anything I wish could be change in the tale - it would be getting Wayne a fun and witty girlfriend.

New Year Wedding

2012-01-07T06:33:00.000-08:00

This is my first post in 2012. Today our beloved Wai Pheng 大姐 is married. I like this picture of her taken from Tirza's blog (suddensongdelights.tumblr.com). Other pics have not been up yet so far. But she makes a very beautiful bride. And I think the bride is especially beautiful when she's someone dear to you.

This wedding is a lot more simpler than one I have witnessed last year. Usually when I watch brides being led by their fathers down the aisle, I feel very happy. But I almost cried when Wai Pheng walked down the aisle with her dad. I don't know why, but I was just very moved by the fact that she's getting married. May Mark and Wai Pheng have a blessed union and meaningful marriage life.

Last Day of 2011

2011-12-31T01:10:00.000-08:00

This is kind of a lame title for a post, but I do feel like I want to blog during the last day of the year. I wonder if this is one of those days where blog entries suddenly peak (apart from 1st of Jan).

Swee Yee and Lin Zhi are coming over to my house to count down with myself and Jerome. There's a lot lesser of us than expected but then again it's not always about numbers. I hope we have end the year and start a new one in a meaningful way together. And tomorrow - it's hello 2012! Come to think of it a whole lot of chemicals in my lab are going to expire when the new year comes in.

Next year campus is going to lose Simon around mid-year. He's going to study theology and serve God in a different way from now. Personally I think I'll miss Simon a lot. He really made a difference to my campus life. I always look to various people at different stages of my life for someone whose light I can follow, and I'm thankful I've always met such persons. And I think in Singapore I've always looked to Simon the most. How he loves the Word of God and has sacrificed so much time and energy to prepare Bible Study for us. How he lives the Word of God by relentlessly serving, and loving, and by just being there. How he is so passionate and so serious when he delivers BS messages. And even his FB wall posts is a daily reminder of how I should not stray from the Word of God, from my responsibility to share the gospel, from living a life of love, from admiring the bigness and awesomeness of God as who He is.

I'm really thankful for Simon and thankful to God too, for having big plans for him elsewhere where he could touch the lives of others too.

Wai Pheng is getting married in around two weeks time. I think I'm really blessed to have time to attend both her wedding ceremony and the dinner. It was Wai Pheng who brought me (and many others including Jon) to GLCC, and I am glad I came to this church. Wai Pheng has a special place in my heart - and I sincerely hope that she will have a wonderful marriage life.

Last night during our Romans Bible Study we discussed on how people are reluctant to talk about sin when preaching the gospel. They always preach about love, joy, peace in your heart when they talk about Christ, but that's not all what God is, and when you're not describing God as a whole, you're not describing Him as He is. God is also a righteous God, a holy God who abhors sin. And God's righteousness and holiness is part of who He is, making Him beautiful, magnificent and beyond compare. That's why if we do not deal with sin properly in our lives, we are in great danger - for God desires Christians to pursue after holiness.

So many times we tailor the gospel for listening ears in hope that it will be easier to accept. We blur out the uglier parts and emphasize on what people feel that they need in their hearts. But the gospel is for a listening heart - and I believe if we preach the full gospel as it is, the Spirit will grant understanding; and blessed are those who accept God in His terms, not on their own.

There are still many big and little issues I will have to spring-clean in my life and my prayer for 2012 is that I pursue holiness, pursue love, and have steadfast faith in Christ at all times.

When I'm Still Officially 24 This Year

2011-12-28T02:33:00.000-08:00

Last days of 2011 whereby I have not officially reached mid-twenties. 2011 flies. Not the whole of it, but parts of it. The months just zoom by. I date day after day at work, then month after month. Now I've already been working for 5 months. No longer a newbie (but still clumsy and blur).

Many has said 2011 was a good year. Mine was full of blessings, full of grace. But I wish there could be more joy. I think the reason for this lack of joy is that I have not really savoured and tasted God to His fullest. He was there for me, but I was not always there. In fact you could say that I was instead always just 'half-there'.

How true it is when you take away God, nothing can truly satisfy. Family, boyfriend, friends, housemates, colleagues. All wonderful people I've been blessed with. I've enjoyed their companionship, been loved, guided, helped, and taken care of by them. And I am infinitely thankful towards them. But there's this gap that only God can fill. He's there, He's never given up on me. But I'm not always there to remember Him, cherish Him, and just be delighted in His presence.

So this is my earnest wish for 2012 - that I will always be close to God, that He will always be close to my heart in every thing I do and say. That I do the right things and think the right thoughts because I fear Him. That I love others because I love Him. That I strive to be righteous because He wants me to be holy. I don't think I need to break down what I want to do for different aspects of my life - home, work, friends, love. As long as God is in all these, it doesn't matter any more.

Been struggling in work in ways not everyone can understand. Been struggling with apathy at other times with my spiritual life, with my service towards God and others. Been struggling to preserve holiness in both my actions and thoughts; which is probably the most difficult of all. But the joy of the Lord is my strength. I pray for this strength in the remainder of this year, and the whole of future ones.

Of MRT Lines

2011-12-15T08:01:00.001-08:00

I was 45 minutes late for work yesterday because something went wrong with Circle Line. It literally went round in a circle. After around 20 minutes of a futile ride, I was back in the station which I started out in. Took an alternative train route to Jurong East, but by then the last shuttle service to my company had already left. So I had to spend a little extra to ride on 193 (which is a snail on weekday mornings) to work. Could have taken a cab but that idea was not at all tempting due to the taxi fare hike this week itself. So I just texted my supervisor and proceeded to go to work the slow and sure way.

Today the one of the trains in North-South Line (red line) broke down, and passengers were stranded in the underground tunnel for more than one hour because the doors couldn't be opened. I was eating a (company sponsored) buffet dinner with my colleagues, and we were appalled by pictures of people smashing MRT glass windows (because we didn't know that they were stuck in the train for so long, with no air-con)! An after-effect of this was a terrible jam along Orchard roads and affected areas. Of course the cabbies got a booming business despite the fare hike.

News spread like wildfire, and despite negative images and comments on the line, I am still glad to read a FB comment posted as such: " Why ask for grace, if one can't even show grace towards a system that has been loyal in serving for years?" Of course things like this are easier said outside an MRT than inside it; but still it's a start. Not that such occurrences are excusable (Singapore won't survive if they happen so frequently), but from the point of view of a consumer, shouldn't we be a bit more forgiving towards these occurrences considering the irreplaceable service the MRT has provided in the past?

All that said I think Singapore ought to start investing heavily in getting more trains, and providing for emergency servicing for existing trains. They have been so over-used that they break down a lot, especially now. And with the expanding population, the need for public transport is higher than ever (not all can afford cars). Frankly speaking I'll rather do without all the new MRT lines coming up if they'd instead enhance the existing services we have right now. The butterfly effect of one day's service break-down towards the working class in particular is very significant.

Mistborn Trilogy Completed

2011-12-12T09:11:00.000-08:00

I've finally completed the last book of the Mistborn Trilogy, The Hero of Ages. And that is no mean feat considering the fact that the only free version I've managed to find (without zip or rar), is here. Just click on the link and you'll see what I mean. Someone told me the font size is akin to reading an encyclopedia. I wouldn't have ploughed on with it if not for the fact that I've read the first two books.

As usual, Sanderson ends his stories grippingly. This book is filled with action scenes and revelations. After completing the trilogy, I see this guy more as an engineer than an author. The intelligent way he creates magic worlds (that fits into logic somehow), and open up them layer by layer by layer across his three books - that is no mean feat. And groundwork must be laid properly starting from the first book. There is hardly any conflict in his worlds, yet once you thought you knew something - well you just didn't know it well enough. Very well crafted. And that's what makes the whole trilogy appealing. As I have mentioned (or rather gushed about) before, the idea of Allomancy in itself is novel enough. But that is a just a small part of a big story.

Highly recommend for fiction/fantasy lovers, especially engineer book worms. Beats Harry Potter hands-down with regards to the creation of a magical world (in my opinion). :p I find it better than Hunger Games too, but of course they are kind of from a different fantasy genre. The main flaw I find in Mistborn is the romance between the two main protagonists borders corny-ness. Not really my type. But the rest of the book makes it bearable. :p

Now I'm deciding if I'm going to re-read this all over again, or go for another of Sanderson's work. I've read three of his now, and none disappointed me.

And So We Reach December

2011-12-11T05:31:00.000-08:00

December now. I think months just fly by when work is concerned. We're required to sign and date at all our documentations at work. Each new date I date reminds me of each day passed. And it's so fast before we have to write down another number. 2012 seemed so far away. At first. Now it's near, and next year I'll be at the age Jon likes to call 'Christmas Cake'. I still feel like what I used to feel when I was a teen though. But physically I have aged much.

I'm getting more stable at work now, though I still make mistakes. But it feels good to be getting better at something new for once. I haven't been learning new things for a long time, and testing is somewhat new to me, although we do have lab sessions in NUS. But there wasn't so much wet chemistry involved. I used to dread pipetting, but now I'm very much used to it. My accuracy could be improved way more though.

Will be going home for Christmas in the next two weeks. Counting down for New Year in Singapore though, for the first time. Good chance to catch up with friends and have fun together. I'll be sharing a short Christmas message (Dawn too) during our Christmas caroling sessions. I haven't talked in public for a long time. Still haven't really thought of which approach I'd take to share.

Was initially rather appalled about sharing (because I have this vacant expression on my face every time I address a large group of people - in other words my charisma is level zero), but then later I was excited instead. I haven't had the chance to share the gospel for a long time. And the power of the gospel lies in the gospel itself, not the speaker. Where I am weak, God shows Himself strong. May God be glorified. Please pray for me as I prepare: that I am equipped with love, humility, and faith; and pray that hearts are prepared to receive the sowing of the seed.

Mistborn Trilogy

2011-11-25T05:25:00.001-08:00

Stuck in this series now by Brandon Sanderson, but I only read it around certain times of the day. If I can be an Allomancer (or Mistborn), I'd burn pewter all day. According to Sanderson, pewter burners get enhanced strength/energy when they burn, but when used excessively they have what is termed 'pewter drag' (some energy knockout afterwards). Pewter burners heal quicker too, and suffer less pain and injury in battles. That's why they are called Thugs.

I always think Thugs are the most primitive Allomancers, primarily because only brute force is enhanced; but I now feel that it's could be useful for busy days. Since I'm not an Allomancer, and pewter would probably cause me severe digestion problems if ingested - I rely on coffee as an alternative instead. And it causes 'coffee drags' too.

I like Sanderson's writings - the Mistborn Trilogy is as exciting (if not more so), and almost as gripping as the Hunger Games Trilogy. There are two points in his work that I prefer over Hunger Games though: Firstly the element of mystery which I really appreciate in long novels, and secondly, he does not kill so brutally (at least not in the graphic sense), and he does not kill so many characters dear to your heart. Sadly I have a very large philosophical conflict with one of my favorite characters, Sazed. He seems to think that all religions matter because they represent hope. I think he downsized religion to a peanut. I believe in Christianity not merely because I need something to hope for. I believe because it is love, it is truth, it is hope, and it is power. It is a way of life. It is life.

And lately I feel so insecure with people. Not just lately, it's been for months now. I want to be that NUS freshie I was four years ago, or even the intern I was last year. One that was genuinely looking out to meet new people, to learn more about them and to share my life with them. I guess my zest for meeting new people have died out early, and every time I am with people that I'm not very close too, I close up like a clam-shell. I just feel that I'm not interesting enough, not friendly enough, and not loving enough. I'm not myself - there are so many layers of me I've yet to show.

Where's that part of me that enjoys building friendship? Was she shut out long ago by many other friendships that she didn't manage to sustain? Or am I just a loner pretending not to be one all the while?

Multi-tasking

2011-11-18T09:57:00.000-08:00

I used to think I was good at multi-tasking. Doing a different number of things at the same time. Like talking on the phone and typing, managing a few computer windows concurrently, thinking about what to write in my FYP report when playing Tumblebugs, talking to Dawn while playing the piano, and watching TV while eating and reading a book (yes this is what I can do very well indeed).

But oh! Doing things in the lab just made me realize that I'm actually Level Noob in multi-tasking. A very humbling experience, and a good one too, as all humbling experiences are to me.

Today I was just asked to manage only two things concurrently, and I messed up a step in one of them. Although it was not something un-redeemable, and was easily rectified, it was a process that I've already run many times. And this was just with two (familiar) jobs on hand, and me still feeling in control, meaning I wasn't panicking or rushing or compelled with any emotions that leave my mind blank. Sadly whenever I'm pressured for time, and a number of things descend on me on the spot, my mind just blacks out and reels and doesn't now what to do next.

Well, today I made a mistake without being in that state of mind. Wonder what'd happen if it was something more important and I am on the verge of blacking out. (According to yesterday's training, this is called 'cognitive loading', and I suppose my load threshold is pretty small.) And initially I thought I could even take on one additional task on top of whatever I already had in hand.

Four months in this job has revealed to me the limitations of my multi-tasking abilities. I realize that I can multi-task quite decently when I am localized positionally (meaning I don't need to move around); but when I'm running around different rooms handling different stuff at the same time, I might forget things.

And how do I overcome this? My workload is already much lighter than all my colleagues, and I only have to account for myself mainly. How do I cope if one day I must manage running several different processes plus ad-hoc work plus checking on other people? How do I increase my cognitive loading threshold besides familiarizing myself with things? Sometimes there's no time to go through everything mentally beforehand like what I'm used to doing now to spot difficulties before they arise.

I need more practice and I hope I have the luxury of time for that before the lab gets really busy. And I'm really thankful to God for this training ground in things I'm weak at. I'm already better at my hands-on routine tests; now it's the mental part that is challenging.

111111

2011-11-10T11:24:00.000-08:00

Just thought this date was rather significant. Looks like one a programmer might like. And I officially have no work today. Because yesterday I was on noon shift (101111 - oh look, another programmer-philic date), and I'll be on night shift next so technically it's the next day (121111).

But it's still another day like all other days. :)

I regret to say I haven't been doing much with my life lately except read tonnes of story books. I've even procrastinated answering my cousin's tutorial question which has been in my inbox for about a week already. :S

One knows one has read way too many Agatha Christie stories when one could predict most of the time 'who dunnit', AND the motive too. Trust me, she has a way of making murderers obscure by either making them too obvious, too likable, or too unnoticeable. She's an awesome story teller, really fleshes out characters well instead of merely going on with the plot. That's why I read her stories for the human element, as well as the mystery element.

Another book I've been interested to read lately is 那些年,我们一起追的女孩, mainly because the movie is heavily promoted in most MRT stations now, and it has received many good reviews particularly in Taiwan (not to mention it has very nice theme song). I'm not really interested in the movie (this type of romance doesn't go down too well with me, I like romantic comedies more); but the book should be interesting. I like the way how good Chinese authors write stories such as this: there should be many delightful quotable quotes.

"Hard Magic" vs. "Soft Magic"

2011-11-02T05:58:00.000-07:00

I've been reading Brandon Sanderson recently. Love the way he wrote his two stand-alone novels: Elantris, and Warbreaker. He seems to have a fondness for creating fantasy worlds with chim names. I'm reading Mistborn now, which is a series rather than a novel.

I think recently I've been taken to fantasy stories. Still a big fan of Agatha Christie though. But I think my liking for fantasy is highly subject to how the author creates his/her fantasy world. How 'logical' are the events in the stories. Whether they follow the created 'rules of the world' or not.

In his website on fantasy writing tips, Brandon Sanderson categorized fantasy stories (those with 'magic') in a continuum in which one extreme is 'hard magic', and the other extreme being 'soft magic'. Hard magic are stories that have set rules in them, and although magic exist, they operate under certain constraints, and characters have to fulfill certain 'rules' to use magic. Soft magic is more towards 'magic' without any rules.

Take the famous Harry Potter series for example. The 'hardness' in the writing of the story falls in the fact that magic only occurs 1) when the character uses a wand, 2) the correct incantations are said and maybe other conditions like the wand is gestured properly. J. R. Tolkien's Gandalf in Lord of the Rings however uses soft magic. He doesn't have to explain how he does the magic. It is just there.

It's easy to create tension when writing stories that apply 'hard magic', because a character's abilities are definitely limited. In soft magic writing however, tension has to be created otherwise (e.g. Gandalf disappears after battling some evil creature, leaving Frodo and team to fend for themselves alone).

Sanderson's own stories, are said by himself to be of around 80% hard magic. I wouldn't say that the Harry Potter series are as 'hard' as Sanderson's fantasies, as some time here and there, some unexplained 'ancient magic' occurs to save Harry's skin. Sanderson's worlds, on the other hand, each have a distinct characteristic, and they pretty much abide by the rules most of the time. Even they don't, they don't deviate too far from them. And each 'world' he created are originally unique. Like Mistborn's character's abilities to use metal to create magic; and Warbreaker's Awakeners that use a person's 'Breath' to awaken objects. He is a creative man, and supports his created fantasy world well.

I wonder however of Sanderson's own perception of deity, for he uses deity as a common theme across all his stories, although in different ways. And all of them seem to imply that a person's religious belief is merely an extension of culture, and there is 'no right answer'. This is a 'logic' (if it were called to be so), that I am unable to comply with. If truth is truth, shouldn't it be absolute, and not relative? If there are 'many right answers', or 'no wrong answer' to a question, would the answer still be truth?

Therefore I would still tend to disagree when receiving comments like: there's no right answer to this problem; or you can't say absolutely that anything is wrong or right after all. In judging human behavior, everything still boils down to whether something is right or wrong, regardless of circumstances, and cultural aspects. And regarding God, He either exists or He doesn't, there's no such thing as "He exists if you believe Him to be".

There is a Hope

2011-10-30T08:00:00.001-07:00

Funny how after last week both Simon and I thought it would be nice to be our funeral song.

There is a hope that burns within my heart

That gives me strength for every passing day

A glimpse of glory now revealed in meager part

yet drives all doubt away

I stand in Christ, with sins forgiv'n

and Christ in me the hope of heav'n!

My highest calling and my deepest joy,

to make His will my home.

There is a hope that lifts my weary head,

A consolation strong against despair

That when the world has plunged me in its deepest pit,

I find the Savior there

Through present sufferings, future's fear

He whispers "Courage!" in my ear.

For I am safe in everlasting arms,

And they will lead me home.

There is a hope that stands the test of time,

that lifts my eyes beyond the beckoning grave,

To see the matchless beauty of a day divine

When I behold His face

When sufferings cease and sorrows die,

and every longing satisfied,

then joy unspeakable will flood my soul,

for I am truly home.

Imagine everyone singing this, and meaning it, in a funeral. The same hope, the same destination. A time of looking forward rather than reminiscing.

Burden

2011-10-30T07:10:00.000-07:00

So what happened was I made mistakes and they resulted in certain consequences for other people who were kind and responsible enough to take responsibility on what I've done. Not those deep dark dire ones but still, it causes a certain amount of displeasure/discomfort.

Three months are up and I still feel like instead of being a help, I'm dragging people backwards. People who have to look after me while doing their own work. People who do so willingly, and ever encouragingly. People whom I long to be a help to, but end up being otherwise. And people who even take initiatives to make me feel better afterwards.

I can't help being blur and making mistakes. I mean, I can help being so to a certain extent but it's really hard to not make mistakes all the time. Some can be salvaged but others harder to do so. All require extra time and effort on my part and on others to put right.

Perhaps I could start by being less emotionally vulnerable. Try to be less perturbed when something unexpected happens (in other words, when I do something wrong), put things right calmly, and not let the rest of my day and my work be affected by those mistakes. To not be an emotional burden, the little girl everyone has to take care of and be concerned about all the time.

I like being taken care of, but I guess it is immensely crucial that I learn to 'grow up' quickly in many ways. To be more independent. To be more careful. To make sure I'm fully alert and think through everything I've done. To take more initiatives. To exert better self-control over my emotions. To be less jumpy.

In a way I'm glad I went through this phase because I know how nice my colleagues are (what an understatement), and I appreciate them all the more because of this. I'm really touched by everything they did for me, the burdensome, boring newcomer launched by chance into their midst. But there needs to be a time limit for this 'learning period', and hence I will have to prepare to change myself in many ways.

Blessings

2011-10-21T22:02:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I just get too preoccupied in counting my blessings, that I forget - what God has gracefully given to me, He also has the right to take away. And these blessings are so beautiful, at times, they hurt when they are taken away. But what right have I to keep what's not mine in the first place?

I'm a person who stays within her comfort zone, and feel most secure there. But being in a comfort zone doesn't give much room for steps or leaps of faith.

So, one day, when this place feels too comfortable, it might be time to leave. I just feel like I could sit in this spot for years, not wanting to move, for all I want I have now, and I am contented. But one needs to be contented whatever his/her lot, for God always gives one enough, and beyond that.

Till the time of change, I pray that I wait and be prepared. When His work is done here, I move on.

The Greatest Distance

2011-10-20T07:57:00.000-07:00

This is a much quoted line from one of Fish Leong's songs:

有人说

世界上最遥远的距离不是生与死

而是我就站在你面前你却不知道我爱你

(Loosely translated as: Someone said: The greatest distance in this world is not the one between life and death; but it is when I'm standing in front of you, yet you do not know that I love you.)

I don't know why people fall head over heels over these lines, but I did not find it particularly interesting. Just those romantic soppy stuff that is overdone, says my over-logical brain. However they kept popping up here and there, in random quotes, in Facebook statuses, and of course in Fish Leong's song which is sometimes aired here and there. So it somehow got stuck in my brain.

However, after we studied Romans in last weeks' BS, these lines came back to my head again. And I felt that they were very very true.

Romans 8: 35 ~ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Then verses 37-38: For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

What dramatic verses, and what weight they carry describing God's love. Quoting Frederick M. Lehman's hymn "The Love of God", my favorite stanza goes:

Could we with ink the oceans fill

And were the skies of parchment made

Were every stalk on earth a quill

And every man a scribe by trade

To write the love of God above

Would drain the oceans dry

Nor could the scroll contain the whole

Though stretched from sky to sky

A love of such magnitude, and nothing could separate Christ's love for men. Yet men who in nature do not seek after God, and Him, separate themselves from receiving God's love by ignoring the fact that He loves them. Just like the way it is written in those Chinese lyrics. The greatest distance of all. But even this vast chasm never stopped God from reaching out to men because He loved them.

And being kept in God's love and knowing it: is like having every gap in your life filled, because even as the Apostle Paul went through tribulation, distress, persecution, famine, nakedness, peril, sword, and more; he was still so firmly convinced and unshaken in the knowledge of God's love for him - and all things work for the good for those who love the Lord. Do I have this same focus, and this same assurance in God's love for me, that I may give thanks for all things, be joyful in all things, be patient in all things, and love at all times?

The Right Place To Be

2011-10-10T03:07:00.000-07:00

It's been months after I've started work, and there's always one thing that makes me envy Singaporeans. Not in the 'green in the face' way, but just a longing to have something they have: the privilege to go home from work everyday back to their families. In fact once a colleague told me she hasn't the desire to get married yet just because after that she won't be able to eat her mother's home-cooked dinner. I was thinking how lucky she is being able to eat with her family every day, and even after she's married they won't be too far away.

I go back home once a month now, and it seems like the weekend has barely passed when it is in fact already over. I've always asked myself why: why do I end up studying and working somewhere in a place away from home. For money? For career development? It's not like there are no jobs in Tampin. I know I'll be a flop in business but at least teaching might not be too disastrous if it's the only way for me to be able to spend all my life at home. (Although I'm not exactly cut out to be a teacher but I guess MOE won't fire me.)

I don't know why I did this long ago: maybe it just seemed OK because everyone is doing it. But now I'm here and I'm doing all this and I guess it's not easy to turn back. And it's not the first time, after saying so many hellos and goodbyes in life, that I wish all my family, relatives and friends could all stay localized in one place and I'll never lose touch of people so easily.

However last Sunday some volunteers from Logos Hope came to our church to share about how they went abroad the ship to volunteer. I don't know how this idea came about: but I somehow had this feeling that God doesn't desire His children to be localized. In fact we are supposed to share His gospel 'until the ends of the earth'.

Maybe that's why I came here to study and work. To meet people. To learn from them, love them, and share our lives together. No matter how you put it, I don't believe that it's God's will for us to 'pursue a career', or study in some discipline because you're made for that. God's will is all about people's lives and souls, not about us learning something and using that something to earn money so that we can survive in the remaining decades of our lives. Or gaining personal satisfaction, or even public acknowledgement.

By saying this I do not mean that the interests and the desire for knowledge is carnal and useless in the kingdom of God. But they must be used in the purpose of expanding His kingdom, and for His glory, not for personal gain. Teachers, architects, doctors, engineers, secretaries etc, all have a role in their professions in ministering to people, and making a difference to the people around them. But the fruits of their work is also largely influenced by the fact which is who they work for. Is it for the organization, for themselves, for their bosses, or for God?

Sometimes I tend to be disillusioned and work merely for mammon, because that is the talk on everyone's tongue and the measuring yard in everyone's hand. Sometimes I get disillusioned too, and work for progress because I feel that's where everyone who pinned hopes on me desires me to be. Sometimes I am disillusioned and work for stability, because I like to feel safe and secure. And sometimes I feel helpless when I know that I'm supposed to be working for a greater purpose, to genuinely love others, to be responsible, to maintain integrity, to glory God in all I do - yet I fall short.

It is still an uphill battle. I'm still struggling, and just feels heavy on my shoulders at times. But I thank God that I'm not alone, and He will work it out eventually. I thank God for this chance of seeing the weaknesses in my character as they are continuously revealed, learning not to be scared of them, and learning how to become better. I thank God for the chance to see and admire the strength and love in others, and learn from them too.

I thank God that I come to Singapore for a purpose He knows. It is possible that in the future I may be even oceans further away from home too, but I trust that wherever it is, it is the right place if He wants me there. And most of all, I trust Him to hide each member of my family under His wings in His tender loving care no matter where each of us may be.

More on Hunger Games

2011-10-04T10:43:00.000-07:00

I finally finished the whole of the trilogy today. And oh! Book Three was so tragic. Before I reached half the book, I was like - could I please please just skip to the end? The last few pages and chapters, where there will be no more deaths, no more heartbreak? And of course I could (since no one could stop me), but I just couldn't put down. So hands gripping on my seat I read through everything.

Could just feel the pain when some of the characters died. :( Ending was rather bittersweet, but it was okay. It still ended on a positive note. (But nice endings can't bring back dead characters that grew on you right.)

So I guess unless you can take Book Three, don't start on Book One because from then on you'll be hooked and have no choice but to finish the whole thing.

Still. If you love a good story I recommend this book.

And on a completely unrelated note: I've just come to realize more and more how a guitar can't replace a piano. :( I should invest in a keyboard or something over here I guess. But stuff like that is so expensive and I'm still on stingy mode when it comes to money.

Hunger Games

2011-10-02T06:38:00.001-07:00

I've been reading this trilogy sent to me by Mei in pdf format called Hunger Games. Please PM me if you want the full series.

I read the synopsis before starting and I would say that this is not my usual kind of book. My first impression of it through Wiki was this is going to be violent. And I don't like violent tales.

But it turned out that the amount of violence it actually portrayed is merely at the Harry Potter series level. But the emotions within run high. There are issues and feelings people can actually identify with. They are currently making a movie out of it too. But I do not think I will watch it. The movie will contain bloodshed which the book manages to acceptably conceal.

I shall try and share the background with minimal spoilers.

This futuristic science fiction is set in North America, then called Panem, years ahead of time, under the control of a central government Capitol. The country is divided into 12 different Districts, in which Hunger Games is an annual event. During that event, each district, will 'reap' two children aged between 12 - 20 (a male and a female), to participate in the Hunger Games, at which all 24 participants from 12 districts fight to their death for days or weeks in an unknown arena (equipped with weapons and natural/unnatural catastrophes), with only one surviving victor. The victor would be elevated in status and showered with money and gifts, which means a lot to the impoverished districts.

The story is narrated from the point of view of Katniss Everdeen, a Hunger Games participant. I love the details the author Suzanne Collins puts in the construction of the Games: Katniss' different costumes (particularly enjoyed this), special trainings and performances, how the character and design of the game affect Katniss. My favorite character across the trilogy however is Peeta. I love how this plain baker's boy evolved with such character and determination, displaying unexpected talents along the way. Some critics remark that Peeta was 'thinly imagined'. I think he's alright, but it would be great if we knew as much about Peeta, his thoughts and feelings, as we do Katniss.

Suzanne Collins tells a story as well as (or maybe better) than J.K. Rowling in Harry Potter. There are a lot of touching quotes throughout too. I was drawn mainly by her full construction in the mechanics of the game, how the system operates, how the people in the Capitol differ from those in the Districts. Then the interplay if Katniss emotions plus her relationship with Peeta holds me on. It's really worth a read.

Both this trilogy and Harry Potter draw me toward the same conclusion: how much we need God. Both series portray a battle between good and evil, in different ways; in how society struggles to get a 'good' dominating power in place. The Harry Potter series ends on a positive note, Hunger Games in a more realistic tone. What I feel is man can never be able to construct a truly good life/community for themselves. The struggle, the pain, the losses, and the incomplete victories easily overturned within a very short time - these are very real, because man is never perfect and never will be.

For a perfect world we need a perfect God. And this world is not our perfect world. However because of the imperfectness of this world, we get to hope on the next world, in fact the whole universe yearns for this perfect world so much that it has birth pangs of pain. Only God can put things right. Men can never stop this bleeding gnash inflicted by sin. They can only depend on God and if they do, they will not be disappointed.

Making Mistakes

2011-09-30T06:43:00.000-07:00

I know people make mistakes, and accidents happen.

But if by saying the above sentence means the probability of mistakes/accidents happening = 0.5 or any statistical fraction, why does the probability of me making mistakes/accidents = 1?

That's why whenever I hear stories about 'who did what' in the lab, instead of thinking stuff like 'oh so he/she did that wrongly, shall take note and not repeat it", I always have this extra nagging feeling that "that thing could have been done by me too".

Sigh. Sometimes I think (or maybe I know) I'm a clumsy walking catastrophe.

Fortunately the thing that happened today wasn't that big. Well it was kind of serious but it could have been worse. Much worse. And I'm thankful it hasn't come to that. (Yet.)

However it makes me feel like every time I advance three steps in work, I retreat at least two when I do things like this. Plus all the undeserved patience and guidance and concern I received. It makes me feel both very touched and very guilty.

But if this is the way God wants me to learn humility: I'll say let the accidents happen and the mistakes be committed. If that's the only way for me to learn how to be careful and alert all the time, and think ahead and think on my feet; I'll say better now than later when things become bigger and consequences become more serious.

I can't help being clumsy, it's in me and it's part of me. But I can rely on God to overcome. Dear God, help me learn how to learn. Help me willingly learn how to learn Your way - even though it might not be the one I want to go through. Help me be thankful for these opportunities to learn.

Not Nine

2011-09-28T03:31:00.001-07:00

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. How many fruits of the Spirit are there?

Just found out that in Greek, the word for fruit is 'karpos', and it is singular. There's only one fruit of the Spirit, and that one contains all nine graces.

I just found this out a few days ago, and the knowledge has particularly encouraged me. Particularly because I've been struggling with some of these graces. And wondering why after so many many years of being a Christian, I am still not there? Still not half there?

But as pastor has shared in the past few weeks, sometimes Christians burden themselves with a list of do's and don'ts. However, grace is not about those, but what has already been done. It is not my own righteousness I'm depending on, for I have none at all. It's Christ's. And the fruit of the Spirit, they are not mine but the Spirit's to bear. And because now I am free from sin's bondage, I have the liberty to show forth this fruit. And by being able to show forth this 'one' fruit, I can also show forth all nine graces in the fruit.

Sanctification is still an on-going process. But it's feels so much lighter to know, to reckon, it's not me it's dependent upon. It is Him who is doing the work. There's so much hope in knowing so for I know that through myself I can do nothing, but because it's God who's working, it can be done, it will be done.

Otherwise, it just feels so heavy. Still carrying burdens on my shoulder when God is already carrying me through. I've grown up believing in and relying on works. Because I know works are in a sense, manifestations of grace. But sometimes too much focus on works, to 'produce results' makes me undermine the power of grace to produce such 'results' and beyond.

It has been so tiring. But thank God everyday I can come to Him and lay down my burdens. And start with a new source of strength, not my own, but His.

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

Work has been going on well so far. I am still learning many new things, and am improving in my hands-on lab practices.

What is worrying me is my desire to look for a purpose in work is quenched somewhat. The routine tasks, the increasing comfort of settling down, does obscure that part of myself one whole year ago, to look for something special in what I'm doing.

Where is that special purpose? I do not need to suddenly pop out and wave itself in front of me all at once. But I just need to remind myself always, that it is there. And it's not enough to work to earn $$. Or even just to work so that I can learn more things. Or meet more people. I'm still waiting.

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

Am also thinking of starting some project of my own (with all the non-working hours I have), but have been too lazy. To write something, to compose, or to help out in forums like I did last time. Or maybe improve my Chinese/ English.

Hmm.

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

Changed my blogger theme because the feeling of it being 'not me' is getting stronger. This current one doesn't look very nice yet, I know. But it will do for the meantime when I look for another theme that suits myself more.

Reading News

2011-09-23T21:04:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I just discovered that The Star Online has news in Malay too.

It's been a long time since I've read proper articles in Malay. And I was rather shocked by the fact that some words already seem foreign to me. Words that I could spout automatically when essay writing during Form 5 days (my Malay deteriorated rapidly when I was in Form 6, both spoken and written). Very common words like 'gejala', 'menonjolkan', 'masyarakat majmuk'.

I think I should start reading (and maybe writing) material in this language again. I don't want what I've learned for years to dwindle until what is left behind is a mere ability to chatter in coffee shops. I've started out in this language from scratch, became comfortable in it, and mastered it eventually. I don't think I want to let this go to waste.

It's the same for my Chinese. Ever since there's no Chinese software in my laptop, I haven't been writing in Chinese much.

Personally I think Malaysians are very fortunate to be exposed to so many different languages from young. If I was not force fed these three languages all the way since Primary school I think there would be a very high chance of me giving one or two of them up half way (most likely Bahasa Melayu as it felt most foreign to me). But learning all these has exposed me to the different ways people think and feel through the way they express themselves verbally and in the written form. A same piece of article expressed in all three different languages appeal differently to my sentiments. And most importantly, because I could feel these different sentiments, I could somehow identify myself better as a Malaysian, instead of being just me.

To me, English is beautiful in a classical way. It has a long history, but somehow it feels modern to me when I read views from people. It is far stretching and diverse, and identifies with both my logic and emotions. The Chinese language however, feels closely tied to its roots. Each word carries a certain weight. Somehow Chinese always feels weighty to me. A very short sentence, when disassembled word by word, can bring out very wholesome meanings. And somehow this is coupled with a broad sense of grandeur. And finally the Malay language. It feels romantic, in a Malay sort of way. It always appeals to emotions and sentiments. This may be weird but when I read fictional stories in Malay, at the recess of my mind there is always a very visual layer of color to it. Some dusky color, like yellow or pink in the sunset. If English stories have a color to me, then it's white. For Chinese stories, they are colorless.

As much as I appreciate different languages, I don't think I have the will to learn a new one today (except maybe Thai, since I watch lakorns a lot and have already picked up stray words and greetings here and there). I think there's enough to do just trying to keep these three languages I've learned as a part of myself.

A First Neighborly Conversation

2011-09-22T04:00:00.001-07:00

OK I admit it. It's not the Singaporean HDB culture or anything that has caused me to be so aloof from my neighbours. I think it's just me.

I've been staying in Kovan for two months plus plus now and sadly with the exception of day one or two when the uncle staying downstairs has come up to complain of the noise we made in the middle of the night dragging furniture on the floorboards; I haven't really talked to any of my neighbours properly.

Jon has been doing quite well though. He's been stalked by a young girl upstairs, made friends with her dog and her dad, and also known the uncle who stays downstairs.

I haven't been making any progress except saying 'hi' and 'bye' to the same girl upstairs, and all these random mutual acknowledgements (or anyway you put it) are initiated by her. She's really friendly but I do get a bit at loss of what to say with people for the first few times unless they initiate the conversation. Even though she's a very outgoing (and very very cute) five year old kid. She's definitely one of those kids that Dawn would be head over heals in love over.

Anyway today when she came down the stairs to say hello to me when I came back from work, I managed to find our her name, her age, and how old her sister is. (So far all I know about her + family is her dog's name.) Maybe I should start knowing her family members better too. I have definitely lost out to this 5 year old kid in terms of neighborliness. In fact the maid I see washing the car each morning when I leave for work has taken the initiative to say hello to me too. :S

Sigh. I really am very anti-social.

I want a piano

2011-09-19T06:41:00.001-07:00

I want a piano here. My imaginary one is perfect in all ways except there's no sense of touch. :(

Btw I like this version's rendition of JJ Lim's song. Btw the girl is 15 years old.

I want to play it! And I want to play lots of other stuff too.

Of Stoning

2011-09-15T10:40:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I just feel like writing about this.

I have a very active brain, particularly when my mouth is closed. When I'm talking or absorbed in doing work, my brain activity is less defined. But when I'm keeping quiet or just thinking/observing (excluding the times I listen to music), I talk to myself in my head loud and clear.

Everything is going fine at work now, but I think I converse to myself too much in the lab, to an extent I find it queer. Because I still find it hard to join into group conversations even with my team mates which I feel closer to now than before. And now I even imagine that my head-conversations are loud enough to be heard by someone. I haven't identified who this someone is but I seem to be having this weird idea that someone can hear those thoughts.

Anyway, of course Whoever It Is does not exist and I am simply thinking too much. (And am being a bit too anti-social, but that can't be helped. Believe it or not, I'm already trying my best to be sociable already, with very slight improvements.)

I also 'stone' a lot when I'm taking car rides or bus rides home. The long uninterrupted kind (e.g. sitting at the back of JonC's car home from BS, or taking afternoon shift bus home) especially. Music helps this form of stoning. Then I think about people, and events that have passed, and things I've done and said. I feel old when I recall hostel days in RH and midnight walks, and think 'those were the days'. I like the color of the black night sky contrasted against the road lights, and the white lights of the buildings, and the trees in the dark. It feels nostalgic but for what reason I don't know.

Anyway just received a bit of encouragement today with regards to my kinetic weakness from a colleague. He said he strongly believed anyone could do anything if they tried hard enough. I know this too. But it was a good reminder of what I told myself when I took up this post. I knew it would be a lot of hands-on work which does not exactly go very well with a clumsy person like me. But I promised God and myself that I will try my best; and even though I can't promise a perfect job each time, I can promise a job that I have already done everything I could do in.

Wai Pheng and her brother Wan Meng will be leaving us this weekend. :( I will miss Wai Pheng a lot! Somehow she always makes me feel special, and is very special to me too. Feel blessed knowing her, and all the nice people around me too.

Monday Morning Blues

2011-09-12T04:10:00.000-07:00

I just realized how much worse morning shifts are compared to night shifts. I made the great big mistake of not getting my daily morning caffeine dose before going to work because I thought I already had enough sleep (which was true). I was super blur the whole day. Thankfully I didn't have any work assigned or training for the whole day. Just answer knowledge assessment questions posed by my supervisor to get my training modules cleared.

I wish my brain has a larger memory card because there are so many nitty gritty points-of-caution I need to remember! So far the only way I'm remembering things extra quickly and effectively is through making mistakes and getting horrified by them. This is not fun at all :(

Anyways today we are having some mini-mooncake festival celebration with the free mooncakes Jon got. Too bad this is going to be a hazy mid-Autumn. It spoilt our sight-seeing attempt at Marina Square yesterday too. The two Jons' and me wanted to walk down to look at the Merlion but even ice-cream can't put right the negative effect of the hazy air.

End of First Shift Cycle

2011-09-08T19:35:00.000-07:00

I just finished my night shift and this is the end of my first shift cycle at work! :) I'm lucky to have an off-weekend my first round of shift. I need to recharge!

Night shifts didn't turn out to be nightmares after all. One of my favorite time during the shift was around 6 a.m. in the morning where the melody of Singapore's National Anthem will be played (to remind the working class their role as Singaporeans). It reminds me of late night studies with Jon in McD when we heard the National Anthem too. And it gives me a nice feeling of how many Singaporeans I know love and care about their country. It's also feels inspiring and uplifting (they changed it from G to F major in 2001 for that effect, apparently).

My favorite arrangement/rendition of Singapore's national anthem is here around time 0:36 (this clip was part of Singapore's 2011 National Day Celebration). It's not at awesome as say, Les Miserables, but I can feel it's sincerity. Somehow I like the little boy's voice a lot. :) And I must say that Singapore does have a nice national anthem! Pity not everyone knows what it means exactly because it's in Malay.

If We Hold On Together

2011-09-06T10:55:00.000-07:00

This is a song I must say is most beautifully written and composed.

I had to embed this video because I couldn't find a better version that can be shared :(. It is originally from The Land Before Time, but I like it sung by Diana Ross more... I can really feel the song when she sings, if you know what I mean. It is so, so, so full of hope! Every sentence, every line brims with warm, beautiful hope. And a very apt song for our RH Orientation every year.

Don't lose your way

With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith, hope & glory
Hold to the truth in your heart

Chorus:

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

Souls in the wind
Must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end
Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying
Someone is praying
Please let us come home to stay

*Chorus

Bridge:

When we are out there in the dark
We'll dream about the sun
In the dark we'll feel the light
Warm our hearts, everyone

*Chorus

I didn't really notice this song when I watched Land Before Time. So all my memories with regards to this are connected to RH, and to NUS as a whole. It makes me miss hall now I'm listening to it. The first time when it was played, we saw all our seniors with lighted candles behind us. It made me feel so hopeful with regards to my university life. (Yes, I'm spamming the word 'hope' now.) It reminds me: Don't give up what you're here for. Although every day can be very mundane, although the big picture can become smaller, don't lose your way.

It reminds me, most of all, of all the love, care, and hospitality given to me by my hall seniors, and my Malaysian MSL seniors in helping me settle down. I don't think I've really given back to hall and school this way, but this is something that deep down in my heart, I'll always appreciate and remember. And this has always given me a very good perception towards Singapore: That no matter where you are at, there are people who are there who would help you out, without asking for things in return. I don't say I take them for granted, but I appreciate the help when they are there.

The first week I've arrived, my luggage was carried, my room checked in for me, was taken out and around. Was guided through hall systems, was involved in block suppers, was asked about what I was good at and how I could fit into the hall system. Was shown love and care in so many ways that it is impossible for me to give back the same way.

Somehow this feeling is here all over again at work. I think where I work is awesome in a sense that no matter which lab I work in, be it when I was an intern, or as a new staff like now; there are people who unconditionally help me settle down, put me at ease and assure me they would be around. When I was placed in this new 4-person team, I knew nothing about my colleagues. I seldom communicated with them (except ask where things were put) before I started my shift work. I didn't get the chance to lunch with them due to my training timings. I was apprehensive with regards to working with them, because they were already familiar with each other but not with me.

But thank God they are really awesome people. Frankly speaking I think compared to them I am relatively boring (someone who only surfs the net, reads books and goes window shopping - not even watch movies!! when she's free), and I don't talk a lot about gadgets and recent news and stuff. But they've showed me in loads of ways that they care. Like when I couldn't get through my hand punch. Like checking on me tonnes of times (despite being very busy) how my solution prep was going on without me asking them for help. Telling me about each other. Helping me sort my lunch box out amidst 30 over boxes, and unpacking my utensils for me. Taking me home and insisting that the bus driver send me home first to ensure I'm home safely. Emailing the transport IC for me when the bus driver said his bus was too big to turn in to where I stay. And above all, telling me off when I thank them. :p

It is very humbling to have senior colleagues to do all these small things to me. I seriously don't deserve to work with such nice people. And it frustrates me, sometimes, to burden them and to rely on them so much. But on the other hand, it feels nice warm and fuzzy. They say I am too formal with the thank-you's but I know there are things that I can't thank them enough. Even though it has just been 5 days into shift work. And oh, how can I thank God enough for blessing me with all of them. And how can I love them enough the way He does...

I just pray that this most important lesson I've learned from my lab will stay with me forever. To love, to give unconditionally. Not just because I've been treated thus, but this is what I should always always do. It is not easy for me. But I don't think it's that easy for others too. I've been living in too many small comfort zones that I should move out of and I know I need to. I pray and hope that I will and always will.

Patience

2011-09-03T06:20:00.000-07:00

Patience is seriously a virtue in others that I need now.

That's why I feel very thankful when my team lead just says 'never mind', 'try again', 'relax' and 'jiayou' whenever I muff up my training tests. It takes away my stress of getting things done 'right first time' (though I still try very hard to), and by doing and doing again, I actually remember to get things done properly and the sequence at which a test is performed.

I really need to have better kinetical/muscle control. That can measure small volumes, carry large objects, reach heights, weigh fluffy powders and avoid spillages. I take a long time to do stuff, and despite doing so I still make mistakes. My poor team lead had to waste so much time just these two first days of shift checking through my work and answering my questions and waiting for me to finish up things. Thankfully he had the ability to multi-task.

But still I really am liking to go to work although I feel the stress to try and constantly get things done quickly and accurately, to reduce my liability of newness and inexperience in the team, and in the laboratory. It's the people that make or break my work experience, ultimately, and although I haven't formed strong bonds with most of my colleagues, they do try to include me in things. However, I can't keep on thinking and acting like I'm new forever. I still have this mindset and I realize that I have to change that so that I can really be productive.

Cycling at East Coast Park

2011-08-30T10:03:00.001-07:00

Went to East Coast Park to cycle on Monday with Jon. It was drizzling slightly although NEA's weather report said it was going to be cloudy only. Still, it was OK because when we started cycling proper the rain almost stopped.

Just realized that cycling is really one of the (few) outdoor activities I like! However I have slight trouble mounting and dismounting from the bike (height issues), and my bottoms get sore rather quickly so I can't ride for very long. But it's nice to sail along the road and just feel like 'getting along' to somewhere leisurely without having to walk! (How lazy I am.)

East coast park is a nice place to cycle in firstly because it's really BIG and you can just go on for kilometers along it, and stop by here and there to watch people fish, skate, bike, camp etc. The road is in very good condition too, unlike in Pulau Ubin where we have to go on rocky stretches and sandy areas sometimes.

I don't really know why I enjoyed the experience. I did not really look around for scenic views around me when I was biking, because I was too busy keeping my eyes along the road. I wasn't too good at steering and there were young kids skating about and crossing the road here and there. Didn't want to crash into them. But it felt nice just 'following' the road mechanically and just riding on and on and on.

Somehow I think that's how I'm like too. Sailing along the road and riding on and on and on in a routine, and just feeling good about it.

But that's not enough - there's more to life than that.

His Dwelling Place

2011-08-26T10:23:00.000-07:00

I didn't exactly share this during BS today because I haven't gathered my thoughts about it. But when we watched the video on how much God loved men, so that He dwelt amongst them I was very touched.

God in the heavens approached Abraham, and later brought the people of Israel out of Egypt in the form of a pillar of cloud and a pillar of fire. He then dwelt among the people in the Ark of the Covenant - not just a part of Him, but the whole of Him. When the Israelites settled down, God dwelt in the temple King Solomon built and the temple was filled with His glory.

When the temple was destroyed by the Assyrians, God dwelt amongst men centuries later, in the physical form of Jesus Christ. Then when Jesus died and was resurrected, God dwelt in His children in the form of the Holy Spirit.

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body," (1 Cor. 6:19-20).

At first I thought it was really un-thought of for God to dwell in the Ark. After all it was just kind of a box, even though it was a box made of gold. And what was Solomon's fine temple to Him? Merely a destructible human structure. And Jesus coming down to dusty, dry, Israel, living a normal life without any comfort.

But finally what struck me the most was God choose to dwell in us now, in our bodies as a temple. Which is hardest to dwell in - the golden ark, the temple, the land of Israel - or a body of a man? I think that body is the hardest place. The body which is the unredeemed part of ourselves, which often is a launchpad to sin. The body which is a Christian's continuous source of struggle to live a holy life.

And God did not despise our bodies, but rather cherished our redeemed souls to reside in it.

Today during lab training I made a number of mistakes. I felt really bad, because I felt that I did not do justice to the effort my trainer put in to teach us. I wanted to do well, just to please him, for he had really been a good teacher.

Yet God has done so much more for me, but I sometimes do not desire to please Him as much. I like how Simon put it last week (I wasn't present for BS but Jon took notes). He said we should confess our sins daily, aloud. So that we become disgusted with our sins, and identify with God's contempt for sin. Only then we would strive to be holy. To be like God - to honor Him through our bodies. God should not be staying in a defiled temple.

I pray that my body would be a clean and holy dwelling place for Him. It takes effort to clean up. But when we know who we're doing it for - and what He has already done for us, it is a pressing and necessary deed.

Aloha Hols

2011-08-23T04:14:00.000-07:00

An unexpected stretch of holidays coming ahead for me! I won't be working next Monday - Thursday. Monday is Singapore's presidential elections off-in-lieu holiday and Tuesday is Hari Raya. Wednesday and Thursday are the days I start shift, and it so happens that my team is 'off' or resting that day. So my supervisor decided to let me untung two days and hence I suddenly have a nice stretch of six days free (including the coming weekend).

Some of my colleagues and my supervisor suggested that I go home but in the end I've decided against it because:

1. I've already went home this week, and going home often is a very tiring business (I hate crossing customs). Also this means that I'll most likely come back late which will make me tired for my first seven-day shift marathon. And besides I don't want Daddy to drive all the way down to Malacca to fetch me during school days.

2. We're having a cooking session on Saturday to cook for the Sunday school teachers of our church. As I hardly serve much in my current church this is kind of an occasion to serve which I don't want to miss out.

3. I want to spent one of my rare FREE weekends in Singapore with my church friends. Seeing that most of my other free weekends are most likely going to be spent at home in the future.

4. OK this is probably not the most exciting plan for a long holiday but I need to review all my training modules too otherwise I will forget everything during shift and probably no one would be free enough to help me check through every teeny weeny step I've done and pounce on my mistakes. They always say it's stressful to do stuff with pairs of eyes watching, but I've always been grateful for those eyes. Unfortunately, this luxury is going to end after my day-training sessions.

5. I want to catch up with a few persons during this long break. Let's see who I can dig out.

6. I want to have some me-time (a day of it) on Wed & Thur. Don't ask me what I'm doing, even I don't know. But narcissistics need 'me-times', and I belong to that gang. It's either for improvement or leisure purposes. Need that time to prep myself up for shift.

Waking and Learning

2011-08-16T05:29:00.001-07:00

I'm getting a bit tired of this waking up marathon already. But wait till shift work starts! I'm sure it will make me miss my regular routine.

But once I get up and reach the bus stop it's not so bad. At least I can sleep on the bus. And I'm getting to know so many new people from different departments too. I'm glad my month of newbies all bonded together quite well. They are fun people.

I'm learning a tonne of new things at work everyday. Really I didn't expect to learn so much. I had to narrow down options and put boundaries around the things I absorb each day to make sure that I don't get too much to take in. At first I really thought lab is about entering data into systems, and doing hands-on testing. But it's fun to learn about the systems themselves. We're going deep into chromatography now, and I got to ask the trainer on how the system works (in the scientific sense), something that I've learned about in my chem engineering modules.

I think even after two years, I'll still be absorbing new knowledge. There are no end of things to learn, and that is what exactly I would want a job I undertake to be like. Continuous learning, in many different ways.

Giving

2011-08-10T07:28:00.000-07:00

Today Simon shared a testimony. He gave his Bible away to a lady in Philippines who made a decision after his message. She promised to read it every day. It was not easy for him to part with that Bible - it has accompanied him for many years and it was his favorite Bible. Yet he did, he parted it and entrusted it to a stranger, who is now a sister in Christ.

I just find it hard to do the same if I was in his shoes. I have three personal Bibles. One English KJV and a Chinese Bible from Mummy. Also another Chinese Bible from Daddy. Just wondering what I'd do if I was asked to give away any of them. The English KJV one with Mummy's writing and message inside? Or my old Chinese Bible that has been with me since I was 8 or 9. Or my newer Chinese Bible from Daddy which is the first Bible he has ever given me shortly after he accepted Christ?

I just think that if I need to, I will have to - a person's soul is dearer to God than any worldly possession is to me. And God loves a cheerful giver (though I'd cry buckets of tears at the same time after parting).

Some decisions are difficult. I was not asked to make this one. But I'm sure that this is not going to be the hardest decision / separation in my whole life. Indeed, sometime we are even called to give someone dearest to our hearts. He giveth and taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

House Warming and Other Stuff

2011-08-08T04:14:00.001-07:00

Went to Swee Yee + Sijia's + Zjun's house yesterday to warm it up with human presence. Zjun wasn't around because she went for overseas training. They cooked us a nice dinner (which I suddenly recall we didn't pay for, opps). I think it was my first 'Coca-Cola Chicken' experience, thanks to Sijia. We talked a lot, and came home late. Still it was worth it catching up with Swee Yee, Sijia, Zhi Qi, Shu Ying, and Lee Hoong (who kept saying the wrong things).

It took a long one hour plus trip to get there and another to return. But Jerome, Jon and I were playing a silly game on the MRT so I was practically laughing all the way back. It's something that goes like 'Ways to Get a Seat on MRT' or other silly topics like that and each of us have to give one solution till we run out of ideas.

We had a nice afternoon after-church outing in BV eating chicken rice too, which ended with us playing Board Games at our place (JonT, JonC, Gid, WM, and myself). I love our place becoming some board game hub now! Hopefully I still have time for that when I'm on shifts.

Going home is going to be a bit tricky now bus return tickets are sold out. Will have to look for other bus companies for alternatives.

And today I'm the only new staff in my lab without a user id. Reason being I was an intern before this and the US IT branch wants reasons on why my account was deactivated earlier. Sigh. I do dislike these forms of business communications.

Orientation

2011-08-03T03:50:00.000-07:00

The first day of my official New Employee Orientation is over. I expected to be bored because this is the 2nd time I'm going through this (went through it just last year as an intern). In the end it turned out not too bad. I think this is a good refresher course - because I've already forgotten the names of the big-shots heading the US headquarters. And oh no, I still can't remember most of them even now!

It was also my 2nd time fighting fire with a fire extinguisher. Took a smaller one because I knew that I couldn't use the big ones properly as I'll have trouble lifting them. Glad I managed to extinguish the fire by myself this time! I could extinguish it last time too, but I think it was because of all the prompting coming from the side. :S

And the best best best part of today was (besides getting an enormous lunch for just $2, complete with fruits + drinks + free salad), getting to go back at 4.30 p.m! And I reached home 20 minutes earlier than usual - even after dropping by the library in NEX and borrowing 4 books! Also, tomorrow I can take the 7.50 am bus instead of the usual 720 am/730 one. AN EXTRA 15 - 20 MINUTES OF MORNING SLEEP!

On an unrelated note: I'm really getting to like Julia Golding's books more and more. Think she specializes well in fantasy fiction stories. I don't know what I'm going to read after I've finished all her books and Agatha Christie's collection in the library. :S

Home Last Week, and other random stuff.

2011-08-02T04:34:00.000-07:00

I went home last Friday - or to be more precise, the train left around 12 am on Saturday. Spent about a day and a half in Tampin celebrating my birthday, and just hanging around at home.

It was very tiring to travel back in the middle of the night (poor Daddy had to wake up to fetch me). I tried not to sleep to much during the day but in the end I spent 3 hours napping in the afternoon. :S So much for thinking that my new working schedule ( 9 am - 5 pm as of now), has reduced my need for naps. When shifts start, naps will be THE way of life.

I have decided to find a way to avoid train trips from Tampin back to Singapore in the future. I don't mind enduring it all the way back home (5 hours and maybe more for a 3 hour trip), because it's easy for Daddy to come out and fetch me, but I don't see a point spending 7 hours travelling back (door to door), and having to wake up as early as 5.50 am the next morning.

Anyway that aside. I think I like my job! It's not something usual in a sense that doing lab work is not one of my core competencies (if I have any, that is). Documentation is, but testing is not. I need to always be very, very cautious. Everything must be done in the first run (or else). And my supervisor is really very careful with paperwork (and everything else). He's a very good role model. But that means that he would expect the chemists in the lab to be likewise - which is in a sense rather stressful. But still, he's a nice superior to work with.

I think my colleagues is the reason why I don't have Monday blues (at least till now). They are fun and friendly people. :D

Oh yes. Something I always wanted to blog about long ago. I was stuck with manga 'Liar Game' a month ago. Watched the movie, and finished reading the manga (up to the latest version which was done about one year ago). Would highly recommend this for people who like thinking. Lots of delicious intellectual twists here and there (though quite predictable), and interesting characters. The full version of the manga can be found online.

Okies that's all for this post. Tomorrow I'll need to be up 10 min earlier than usual so as not to miss the orientation bus (you are not expected to understand this term).

Actual Training Day 2

2011-07-27T08:42:00.000-07:00

Today we learned pipetting. Through which I reaffirmed that I'm not too good at handling hands-on stuff, and my muscles get stiff quite easily. And on top of that, I have the tendency to rush and not get things done thoroughly. Need to take note of that in the future. Hopefully I can improve on that in my subsequent training sessions. Am thankful that my trainer is very, very, very patient and positive. He's nice.

Both my supervisors are nice too. One of them actually stayed behind late for his lunch because both me and another new colleague finished our training late, and he wanted to talk to us. After that he accompanied us to lunch after all the other chemists have left, and even waited outside the girls toilet for us to change out of our lab coats and get our things (and you know girls take some time to do that). Both of us didn't expect this, and I was personally quite touched. He's also very kind and assuring - letting us know that there will be help all the way as we try to grasp the ropes.

I was doing some transactions at POSB after work and the lady at the counter wished me happy birthday in advance. POSB is really upholding its motto: neighbours first, bankers second. And when I reached home - apparently there was a whole pack of people in the kitchen and those who came later (Jon, WM, Gid, Piang, Swee Yee, Andrew, Wenqiao, Jerome, Waipheng, Aziiii): most of which from RH last time :D They came to celebrate my birthday. So I'm sleeping late tonight but its worth it. A few of them stayed back to play board games. I was in my favorite role: banking and watching people fight each other. :D

Tomorrow is SOP day! Hope I won't be too sleepy for it. I AM enjoying work so far, though I still hate waking up early.

Actual Training Day 1

2011-07-26T07:26:00.001-07:00

Today was training day one and I spent the whole day learning how to use balances (the kind you use to weigh stuff). It was quite interesting I must say (the theory and rationale of doing things) and we're (I and my new colleague who also just came in) going to pick up more complicated equipment and testing methods soon.

Came to realize more and more that working hours in my lab IS going to be very fast paced and packed. There will be a lot of moving around too - we are doing testing in various different labs and are not sticking at one place all the time. This kind of routine work with a bit of time-juggling here and there is what I like. :D Also there is going to be A LOT of documentation, but I love documentation. My problem is that my motor skills somehow, till now, are a little less refined. In other words - I'm a bit clumsy especially when holding delicate stuff. :S

Still I survived 4 years in NUS labs without coming near to damaging anything or causing spillages/accidents. I hope that track record lasts.

It's fun being at work (for the time being) but when I come home I do feel tired. Going to sleep now :)

First Day of Work (Again)

2011-07-25T05:49:00.001-07:00

Back from dinner after work day 1. The travelling was not as bad as I expected. I left the house at 6.20, and reached Jurong East Bus interchange around 7.20 am. There's a new bus interchange now specially for company transport. It's much further to walk to. :S

Today I saw my organization differently from a lab personnel's point of view. My department building feels more complicated now with all the different labs around it - now I know what each of them are for. And so many storage rooms. My colleagues are all rather young and fun. I like the two supervisors too.

I'm glad I'm not the only new recruit today. I have a colleague from the same lab, and we are both happy to have company. I found out that I'm still remembered by many of my colleagues - some who know me by name (those I have liaised with before), others by face; even the auntie who works in the canteen. They wished me well when they knew I was back. So I wasn't that unnoticeable as an IA student after all. :p At the very least, many department personnel knew I existed.

Tomorrow lab training actually starts! :D Am really excited. Everything is going well except the waking ups in the mornings. I guess that will take some getting use to.

Sunday Blessings

2011-07-24T05:58:00.000-07:00

I've been really enjoying Sunday outings since my last semester. :D Jon & I will usually lunch with Boss & WM, Andrew, and Joanne, and (increasingly frequently) JonC. Simon and the others join too occasionally. We would go to different places eat a bit, walk around, and lately we've been getting lifts home from JonC. Today we had Ramen in Clark Quay, with WMWM doing all the 'tai tai' pose for Boss' new camera.

Really thankful for JonC and Simon who would send us all the way home by car even though they are tired themselves.

Had a really nice time with my uncle + family in Toa Payoh eating seafood. Rachel drew me a nice big bday card, and they gave me a wallet for a bday + graduation + start work present. I really owe them a lot.

Work starts tomorrow (or more like 'pre-work'), but I don't feel like sleeping early.

And ohh... this is totally random, but Jon and I found a writer we really like: Julia Golding. I have read the first of her Companion's Quartet - The Secret of the Sirens (the other three books are still on loan), The Ship In Between Worlds, and Dragonfly. She is a very talented children's story writer. Knows how to grip your attention from beginning to end with very nice plot progressions. Her stories are very re-readable.

That's all for this random post haha. I'm going home this weekend. Looking forward to that too.

First Jay Bee Trip + Random Musings

2011-07-20T07:17:00.001-07:00

Came back from the Hon's place in JB yesterday night. My first time to JB. They were as sweet as ever and were very good hols. Jon and I went for hair cuts (RM 9). It was quite decent, and my hair is at the okay-curl-at-the-shoulders length now.

It was a very nice and relaxing time there, especially during the random breakfast worship. It reminded me of many things. I've been trying to upgrade my piano-playing style for years, especially ever since my skills plateaued. But then I realize that I don't really have to play very well for myself and other people to be able to worship when I play. It's the spirit that matters.

I really wish I can play in church every week... but playing is not the only way to worship God.

Today was a fun day too: WMWM & Boss came over and we played Princes of Florence, and Ticket to Ride. Had lunch and dinner together too. Hope we have time to spend together even when work kicks in. Especially with all Wing Mei's weird shifts. We NEED piano therapies. Miss Jerome's presence though. He's back home for a week, and by the time he's back again, both of us will be starting work.

Read Mable's random FB ranting just now. I guess I have felt that kind of frustration before. But it never erupted, and eventually I learned to ignore all those concern that I've grown callous over them now.

A slight headache is kicking in right now... and I had better go offline before it gets worse.

Job-Filled Thoughts

2011-07-15T20:16:00.001-07:00

These few days I have had a lot of thoughts about work.

I would not have gotten this job;

if not for a resourceful girl who got three of us out of a very undesirable attachment,
if not for that work changing my attitude from 'die-die-must-get-IA', to: 'taking modules is better than getting a horrible IA'
if not for the SP interview that came right before I (almost) accepted another IA in Sing Poly
if not for my supervisor being kind and who she is, not to take in a better candidate in fearing that she would be disappointed,
and this supervisor was the one who finally referred me to my current Chemist position.

I am very thankful, because it is not who I am which led me to the job, but who others are, and who God is.

Right from my Year One (Sem II) where my results took this undesirable downhill spiral, I had to depend fully on God to get me 'the right results' and 'the right job'. I had nothing to fall back on: my results always brought me to places and opened doors, but this round, I only had God to open those doors for me, because there's nothing much a 3rd class honors could do to place me in a job I want, particularly in the pharmaceutical manufacturing industry.

Yes, I graduated with a 3rd class honors, and I am very proud of that. Not because of how capable I am pulling through this very competitive course with honors on the belt. Because I know compared to many others, how I have understood less, fought less, and gave up more. But because God chose to use one aspect of my pride (my strong track record of good academic results), whittle it down, and use it to show Himself faithful and strong. And He used it to place me in a place where my interests lie, and where His will lies. He also taught me to be content with my lot, to know that every good thing comes from Him.

I haven't found out His will yet for me in this workplace. But I am very sure this is not all about settling down, getting a stable income, eventually getting a raise/promotion etc. There is something in my new workplace - a role for me, and I want to find out what that is.

This is not the end of insecurity - for life is full of these. While looking ahead and planning out my career path: I realize that there's not so much use of planning ahead for advancement, for the road is long, and full of twists and turns, to places only God knows. It is very exciting. (No wonder they call our Graduation Ceremony the 'Commencement Ceremony'). I can only plan for excellence in the role I'm called to serve, to a good stewardess, willing to learn and love.

If insecurities like these always reinforce the fact that God is ever-faithful, and can ever be depended on for our daily bread and greater things: I pray that more insecurities come. For Singapore makes me so complacent sometimes that these rocky parts of life are required to jolt me awake.

I'm very excited while awaiting 25 July 2011. It will be a new beginning, an opening to many new beginnings. I pray that my eyes be opened to see Him in my work.

Graduated and Employed

2011-07-12T08:26:00.000-07:00

My commencement was held today. It was NICE. Especially like the end part where balloons and confetti poured down from the top of the uni cultural hall. And was really glad that I got an extra invitation card too - that means daddy, and both my grandparents could watch the ceremony in the hall itself.

Took plenty of pics - but wish I bumped into more of my peers. However, I was rather limited in terms of movement for too much photo-taking.

I consider it a very lovely ending to my four years of uni education, with family and friends.

On top of that I am now officially hired by MSD (my IA company) as a chemist! :D So happy to be employed. Going for medical checkup tomorrow. Hopefully I'll learn much from my job. The shift hours are a bit challenging, not to mention that Kovan is like 40 km away from Tuas!!!! But still - the pay is awesome. It makes everything worth it.

Thank God for everything: and I know there's something else He wants me to do within these two years - probably a people thing. :) Will pray hard and work hard. Now everything has kind of settled - my worst battle would probably be against complacency. Constant vigilance is required.

Must. Use. Internet. Sparingly

2011-07-08T01:45:00.001-07:00

Surviving on half-baked internet until the 28th this month. This is what happens when you moved into a new house where everything is installed from scratch. I'm typing this on top speed btw.

We moved into Kovan Court like 1 - 2 weeks ago. Nice apartment. Big living room. Comfy rooms. Nice neighborhood. I will have to walk 600 m to MRT each day for work, and I shall regard it as my daily exercise. Not fun when it rains though.

We have had people coming over. Boss & WM. Tirza. Joanne, Andrew, Jon's parents tomorrow. And my remaining housemates: Waipheng and Yew Hong. So far I've been staying here with Jon & Jerome. It's kind of fun playing house. We had had nice times, nice meals, and overdose of boardgame sessions. :D Jerome has a collection of nice games. I borrowed books from the public library too. Time to max out the usage of my library membership which I paid $10 for.

My commencement is on this Tuesday. Hope I don't look weird in my gown. My 2nd interview is on Monday. Hope I get the job! :)

Thank God for the nice move-in, pleasant staying experience, great housemates, and a good time of fellowship from friends and church-mates. Long may this last! :)

Interview Prep Phase One

2011-06-29T11:48:00.001-07:00

I'm kind of preparing for an interview to work for real in the organization I was once attached to as an intern. And guess how I'm preparing for it? By going through all my industrial attachment reports. :p

While our reports were not actually graded (industrial attachment is a pass/fail module), I was glad that I really did those properly. Now I can remember everything I observed from the organization, the conclusions I draw, the emotions I felt, the aspirations I had, the persons who helped me (I listed down all their names and help offered in alphabetical order down the 'Acknowledgements' page). There were things I forgot, and remembered all over again. There were emotions which only an intern can feel, and this intern has to remind the full-time-worker-to-be, how to work with a sense of mission, how to aim higher and not merely look at salary and benefits.

I miss intern life, it has its ups and downs, but it was the period which I felt that I really did my best, gave my best; and was appreciated. I'm very glad for my IA reports :)

Back to Singapore

2011-06-26T04:51:00.000-07:00

Have been back to Singapore quite a few days ago. Quite a number of things happened. We had a wonderful Bible Study on Friday. Watched several short documentary videos of archaeological visits to Israel. I loved the faith lessons gleaned. The lesson of 'first fruits' - the Israelites gave the first fruits that came out from the harvest unto the Lord, in faith that He will give more. Imagine your crops are just starting to produce - and you give ALL of them up - knowing in faith that be there hail, storm, or dry seasons: God will still provide. The way the priests stepped foot-first into the quick waters of the Jordan river, after which only did the waters part. Giving God what is God's and the consequences of those who don't (the walls of Jericho which fell were Israel's first fruits of invasion, and as cursed, the builder lost his first and youngest son when the rebuilding of that wall started). Being set apart as God's people, and the consequence of Christians who don't want themselves to be seen, leading a safe and 'normal' life.

It was a joy seeing all campus peeps again for BS, supper, and lunch this afternoon. Simon, Tirza, Justin, JonC, Anne, Alicia, Andrew, Joanne. I miss Stacey though! I have been very touched by her care and concern for me especially throughout this particular year and the one that has passed.

All the lessons learned during Friday's BS has touched my heart and hit at the right places. And yes, promises I've been holding on to began to fruit, even this week. My ex-supervisor from my internship company had contacted me herself on the very night I came back to Singapore, offering to help me lookout for various positions. And after consulting a number of people, there's a vacancy for me in a laboratory which I'm familiar with. I can't say 'I have a job' now as it is still yet to be confirmed. It's still up to God whether this job is for me or not: because what is not mine is not going to be mine, if its not in His favor. But I will learn to wait, and give him my patience and faith.

Even IF i don't get this job, I am thankful for my supervisor's thoughts and love for me. I knew my working under her was no mistake. There were many many unknown complications in my IA selection that eventually led me to MSD and to her. I rejected two organizations which I initially planned to work with, but events intervened and I ended up there. I wondered 'why this position', and 'why this organization that is now downsizing', but it led up to this. And even if I don't get this job in the end: I know there's one He intends for me down the road. I am just very thankful to have worked under someone who cares for me as 'myself', instead of just as 'another student'.

And ohhhh in the spirit of randomness - Jerome bought Jon & me SABOTEUR from Europe! It's in Germany but it's a very nice and fun game! THANKEW JEROME :D :D

We sang this song in church today. The story of the cross may be old, but it is timeless. It touches hearts and changes lives even till today.

Midway into June

2011-06-16T07:32:00.001-07:00

I think this is a wacky piece of 中西合壁, and I even see a glockenspiel inside (I hope I didn't get the name of the instrument wrong).

I'll be going back to Singapore next Thursday to collect my convocation gown, and do the necessary shopping in preparation of my move to Kovan, and for work. I foresee a lot of issues related to logistics to settle.

A third interview hasn't come my way yet but I know it will come. I shall not let my patience be so easily tried.

Meanwhile I'm en route to completing my thick book of (complete) Sherlock Holmes cases at home. :)

Joe Hisaishi + other random thoughts

2011-06-10T06:48:00.000-07:00

Been listening to many of his wordless songs again, and wishing I could compose like him. :)

I guess until you really understand all instruments, you can't really put them together. At the moment the piano on its own is already a handful. :p I wish I can play as well too. I'm learning to put myself into my playing more and more but there's this part of me that always holds back.

But don't I wish I understand strings better! I have always been under-using them in my CME work.

My aunt from Australia is leaving for Singapore tonight by train. Spent almost the whole of the week with her and my grandparents. Went to Seremban and KL too.

Somehow I feel more needed at home. Somehow. And I blog less at home too I think.

Da Jie is probably moving in to stay with us temporarily after we shift to Kovan. I miss talking to her :)

天作之盒

2011-06-02T21:37:00.000-07:00

I've heard of this movie, 天作之盒, but never actually watched it. This SARS-themed movie is based on a real-life story of a married pair of doctors - who battled SARS in the frontline and gave their lives to it. The theme songs for this movie are quite nice.

I have not sung this song for a long time, but I can still remember how it touched my heart when I heard sang by 张敬轩 and sang along with it later.

There are some people whom you'll never meet, but are striving for the same purpose as you, and encouraged by the same love.

Last Results-Out-Day

2011-05-30T02:58:00.000-07:00

As much as I like the feeling of relief upon getting satisfactory results, I'm so glad I'm seeing the last of the results-out-days.

Well I'm very sure that this is not going to be the last time I'm awaiting a piece of paper with bated breath: one fine day the pages on a medical report is going to make me more tense than this (I hope not), but at least the academic ordeal of this is over! It was bad enough waiting for UPSR, PMR, SPM and STPM results, but this uni thing happens every semester and it has always been my least favorite part of the academic year.

I'm very thankful for my results :D I had four different dream-versions of it yesterday night. The last version of it consisted of me missing the third class honors by 0.01 of a CAP. The results came in the pink academic records book we used in Secondary school, and was distributed by my primary school form teacher who looked very grim. I was half-way counting the 'scores' and checking if the marks are correct (hoping to appeal for that 0.01 later), when I woke up. Well, I must say I brought this dream onto myself because I refused to wake up to check my phone to escape reality for a little while more. Now I'm safely right in the middle of the third class rank!

My FYP prof has been generous in his grading and I can't thank him more for that. Finally I realize those complimentary little exchanges we had during post-FYP meetings (Mei & I were writing a review paper for him) were not aimed at 'consoling' us. :p Furthermore I had found a few unwanted typing mistakes in my report after handing it in, and have grieved over them a little too late. :S It was nice working with him + Bevan. My Design Project received a rather good grade too. :)

Now the last thing I want to do in NUS (besides donning the graduation gown and receiving my cert of graduation), is to walk round the whole school and take pictures. NUS is really a very picturesque place at the right angles, and there are a lot of beautiful (non-academic) spots that are really nice. E.g. the top part of YIH feels like a forest especially when it rains.

I'm glad we all graduated in one piece! Thank God for these four years.

National Zoo Trip

2011-05-28T09:05:00.001-07:00

I haven't been going out with my church friends in Tampin for quite some time. So this zoo trip to KL is one of those rare times. :)

It was quite fun - though a horrendous jam and various issues caused us to arrive at 11.30 am (almost noon). Still we managed to walk the whole Zoo Negara, and look at everything. Almost all the animals were hanging around.

Thank God for journey mercies and nice weather timing. It didn't rain until we had lunch and stopped after our lunch was over.

Thank God for a good time of fellowship too. I'm very proud after listening to some of the things they shared - and observing certain behavioral changes. :) Catching up with people can be very encouraging. In fact today I'm very much encouraged to serve more - to place more priority in serving although GLCC, big and well equipped as it is, sometimes seems not to 'need' certain people.

I will serve everywhere -not just in church!

It was a fun outing - but I'm too lazy to put it all down in words. Just remembered what Pastor shared from Romans: Creation shouts that there is an intelligent God who put together the universe (and many universes) each day and it details His wonder. Yet men refuse to believe, and are thus condemned because of this. Was meditating this song to myself in the van:

O Lord my God, when I in awesome wonder,

Consider all the worlds Thy hands have made,

I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,

Thy power throughout the universe displayed!

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee;

How great Thou art, how great Thou art.

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee;

How great Thou art, how great Thou art!

Thank God for allowing me to experience Himself even through a day of fun :)

突然好想你

2011-05-14T23:38:00.000-07:00

突然好想你

你會在哪裡

過得快樂或委屈

突然好想你

突然鋒利的回憶

突然模糊的眼睛

很喜欢这首歌的感觉. 五月天的阿信写的歌都很有感觉 (就好象他的<知足>一样). :) 只是觉得最后一句: "突然模糊的眼睛", 如果改写成"突然模糊了眼睛", 会比较让人感叹.

At Home

2011-05-14T01:10:00.000-07:00

I'm now at home and am sort of doing my job applications from here.

I said sort of because there are not many jobs to apply for now. Yes, the job market is 'booming' now but most of the openings I see for my field are for diploma graduates. And no, they'd not hire a uni grad to do something that can be easily done by a post-diploma grad. It would be too expensive.

Anyway - I shall just wait and see :) Hopefully our choice of accommodation in Singapore would be determined soon. I shall miss being Tirza's roomie so I hope we will get to bunk together once in a while.

I shall miss BS with Simon in Singapore too. And the BS regulars - Stacey, Justin, and JonC. The Romans journey was most inspiring and life-changing. It was inspiring to see how Simon pulled through it too. Despite immense stress at work and dwindling number of BS participants. I am really thankful for his faithfulness and testimony.

Yesterday I was just singing Amazing Grace to myself. I love all the four stanzas in that song. Usually I'd focus on the first and second, because I'd relate to them. But yesterday I remembered the fourth:

When we've been there ten thousand years,

Bright shining as the sun;

We've no less days to sing God's praise,

Than when we've first begun.

I love the way I felt the composer thought - he wanted to sing God's praise through eternity and joyfully reassured that he would be able to do so. First he was grateful for his salvation, and then he was glad that he was saved so that he could glorify God all the way to eternity.

Yes we have been beautifully and wonderfully saved. We have not just been redeemed from sin and death, but more amazingly, Christ now lives in us. That itself is beyond undeserved grace. Just redemption from sin is beyond deserving but Christ living in us, unworthy earthen vessels is more than one deserves.

And I love Pastor Jason's well-used analogy: A child asked his parent:" If Christ is bigger than the universe, and He lives in us, shouldn't He stick out?"

I pray that Christ be magnified in my life.

Let Go

2011-05-03T09:25:00.000-07:00

No emotions are too hard to let go in light of what He has done for me. I shan't rant and complain. I shan't moan and sigh. I shan't hide it away. I shall take it out, shake it away, and let it go. What I can't control, He can.

I am bigger than that. My heart is bigger than that. For it is Christ that is in my heart, and it is Christ who lives in me.

Vacation hunting for Vocation

2011-05-03T02:22:00.000-07:00

Two years ago someone was down in the dumps because he couldn't find a job. I remember trying to encourage that person while secretly thinking if that will be me after another two years.

Today I attended an interview. It was a nice interview. The interviewer was very kind and understanding but she told me point straight that I wasn't suited for the job. It was my personality and it was the direction I was aiming towards. I think I agree with her. That's why I always make it a point not to hide things from my interviewers or become someone who is not me when being interviewed. It's OK to get a job in the short run, but not really OK to be unhappy in it in the long run.

I know it's necessary to think long-term when looking for a job as well as short-term (gain experience first). Where would I want to head like 5 years down the road? Would this job bring me there?

I have another interview tomorrow. I wonder how it would turn out too. But I am not worried. It's all in the hands of the Lord. He will give me the right job. And He will turn down the wrong ones too and praise Him for that.

Things are so uncertain now. But then again, my IA experience was really a comfort to me. I went to SP not expecting anything, but they accepted me as an intern. And the position was really in something I could do well and learn much in. It's really all in His hands.

However, today we must be realistic. Although i want to learn things in work, not every job would be able to give me that opportunity. In fact most of them can't. It's just mere routine. I must learn to accept that.

But I do want to work somewhere where I can learn, grow, in technical knowledge. I want to work somewhere with people too, where I can learn from them, give and take, and interact. To work with nice, and easy-going people who make your day a joy. To work with difficult people and become someone stronger. I want to be somewhere where I can contribute.

I know I will find that job. It's just out there :)) But it will find me one day. Because God will lead me to it!

Exams Over

2011-05-02T11:33:00.000-07:00

My exams were over last Saturday. So now I can really say goodbye to the academic portion of my NUS life. However, I am still jobless, and will still need to attend interviews.

Tirza says that if I have to work, it would be only meaningful to choose a job that I really like (OK this is paraphrased, hope I didn't distort the meaning of it). Sadly the industry that I would like to be in is not really hiring in bulk. I can do other jobs, but I would only like to work if 1) I can learn things from a job, and 2) I am capable/ competent in performing the job well.

Sometimes I feel apprehensive to start a career in a non-pharmaceutical field. Because even if I have a chance to move back there later, I would need to start from scratch after many many years. But I would really love to get a chance to work in this field. It fits my character, and it would carry much meaning.

However, without a good honours, one cannot be picky, no? Sometimes you get to do what you love, but other times, you just need to love what you do.

Maybe one day, I'll just put down everything and chase my dreams opening a boardgames cafe in Singapore (may the board games heat among the Singaporean (and non-Singaporean) youth live forever!). Then I'll get to play every single day :)

Maybe one day, I might do a Masters in Business too. IF I could.

But now, it's time to be realistic, to be humble, and to accept whichever door God opens. Thank God for the interviews I got this week :) Hope to learn much from them.

Speech is not free

2011-04-22T01:51:00.001-07:00

There are stuff that I would blog about at the spur of the moment, but then again, they are stuff that should be kept in a diary, or maybe not to be kept at all.

You may say: speech is free, it's my blog and I'd blog what I like in it, and it's up to you to read it or not. But certain things, once read, have irreversible effects, and I'd rather those effects not go out at all. It's not so free after all. Someone has to pay an emotional debt sometimes, and since I've already paid my part, there's no reason why the debt has to go out to others too.

Anyway all emo-ness aside:

1. Tomorrow is my first paper for my final semester's final exams. My aunt brought chicken soup for me again and even made extra for Jon. Super nice of her :)

2. Wayne visited Jon & me and hall this morning/afternoon. Can't believe after spending 2 hours with him the next time we'd meet would be at least a year away. But at least we get to meet.

3. Political sentiments are on the rise on Facebook and in the social media. And I haven't registered to vote. Which makes me feel pretty useless as a Malaysian.

You might think all those students who are studying overseas like us have no sentiments towards the country. Yes maybe towards an extent we feel helpless and eventually develop a hands-off attitude. I am no longer (that) concerned about who gets what percentile of the economic pie. That is a question that can never ever be answered without people getting hot and bothered over it. But what I feel REALLY unhappy about is that even when obvious tyranny is going on and our taxes are being exploited to prosper a select few, there is NOTHING we can do about it to protest. Nothing beyond liking certain statuses/pages. Even votes are sabotaged.

The cost of living is rising. And so is the nation's debt. I wonder when there will be a really big economic crisis, and our country will bankrupt without us knowing it. And when, and will, youths who really love the country stand up and run for leadership positions. And whether it will be worth their while doing it. It puts everything at risk for them if they do - even their lives.

Such sentiments are rising in Singapore too, but so far it is still under control. I wonder how long this will last as well.

Exam Week

2011-04-20T22:25:00.000-07:00

Exam week has been OK so far. Not sure about next week though - a lot of memorizing to be done for Food Tech. :S Have an interview on top of that too.

Anyway I have been half-slacking, half-working the past week and more. Last Friday we had a board game session thanks to Jerome who has a nice collection of awesome board games. There was actually 2 sessions, but most people (read: everyone except Jerome and myself) only managed to make it for one. So I 'tried out' Incan Gold and Munchkins with Jerome in the morning. The minimum number of players was actually 3 but we kind of made do with 2. The only difference was only the lack of player dynamics, actually. I must say I quite like Munchkins now. Then we played Incan Gold again in the afternoon, and Settlers of Catan which I watched.

Went warehouse shopping with WM and Tirza (and Jon who tagged along) on Saturday but left quite quickly because there were no suitable clothes despite them being so, so, cheap. Still, there are certain stuff that I won't be wearing outdoors even if you paid me to do that (on second thoughts, I probably won't mind if I was decently paid), and yup the whole collection of those were in the warehouse. :S I wish I could have bought something but couldn't bring myself to. Anyway we had a quick tour in Clementi Mall again before returning from dinner.

On Tuesday Jon, Tirza and myself paid Alicia a visit in Oldham Hall. It was actually a cooking session by the three of them, but I tagged along to study in Alicia's air-conditioned room after being persuaded by Jon again and again. Turned out that the food was awesome, especially the mushroom soup and shepherd's pie, and I kind of felt like a leech for not helping to cook (but I did help to wash up k). Didn't manage to study as much as usual but at least I completed most of my tutorials there, on top of playing blockers (not sure if that's the correct spelling for it), and toying with Alicia's ukulele (my first time playing one!). Turns out that the ukulele is very easy to learn, and nice to hold and play to,o because it's smaller than a guitar. However, it is only limited to the soprano range. It was pretty cute. JonC came later in the evening and brought bread to go with the mushroom soup :D Then he demoed is new violin skills in front of the mirror haha. Thanks to him we got a lift back home too, which was good news for me as my EZ link card might not have sufficient credit for me to take a bus back without paying with coins. :S Oh yes Alicia has nice cheese from New Zealand too, and I tried Blue Cheese for the first time.

Yesterday night Jon and I over-nighted in the Chem Eng ice-box, and it was completely empty. So we used his headphones as speakers to listen to songs while studying. It was very fun for me - big comp screen and air-con, with our discounted student-priced McD nearby with its one-for-one Fillet O Fish promotion. Not so fun for him because he didn't bring his jacket and can't turn the air-con off. :p

Anyway that's my blog about the week so far :D I will miss these versatile hours and empty time-tables when I start work! But hopefully we can have board games sessions every now and then on weekends! <3

Jacky Cheung - 不老的傳說

2011-04-16T11:28:00.000-07:00

Like this song :)

Last Academic Week in NUS

2011-04-12T10:44:00.001-07:00

This is my last academic week in NUS - if not taking into account Reading Week and Exam Week(s) that follow.

My last class/tutorial ended this afternoon. It was Enzyme Tech. I think I learned lots from this module and although it could be a bit monotonous at times, the lecturer is generally interested in teaching well and providing value-added info on top of what we are studying. It's lecturers and teaching staff like this that I appreciate most and learn from the most.

Tomorrow - in fact today morning will be my final presentation in NUS. Hope we won't get shot down by the professors too much :) After that I will officially conk out as I won't be sleeping tonight.

I may graduate with a not-so-good honors but I don't think I regretted coming to NUS and wished to stay back in M'sia if I could have gotten a better CAP. I wouldn't have been stretched to this extent if so. I've worked with so many different people and learned from them, learned how to manage people, learned how to adjust expectations from people. Sometimes the academic environment is so dry and competitive that if grace and helpfulness and generosity were dew it will dry up under its harshness. Maintaining these values is so difficult when no one sees, no one cares, no one bothers; and in the end it costs you your grades, your time. I haven't been showing enough of this as I should. But I will learn to show them more.

Had my last performance with Quan in RH during Alumni Homecoming for Music Ensemble. We played You Raise Me Up (I played this with Jinq Horng last year). The key changes - D flat to E flat to E majors were horrible. But playing with a clarinet solo was a new experience, and Quan is quite interesting to duet with :) Fortunately we did OK. I wonder what will happen next time when I move out, and there's no more piano.

A short update

2011-04-03T06:35:00.001-07:00

The worst of my design project is over; although the remaining sections on Mechanical Design and SHE are not easy too. At least submission is not one day before a test though.

Design wasn't really fun when you're getting weird results in your calculations. Yesterday Quyet, Michelle and I just spent five whole minutes laughing non-stop when we got an area of negative value for our column which was too big and fat. The past two weeks was horrible with me sleeping an average of 4 hours per day. Still I pigged all I could last week so I guess I can't be complaining now.

There's a test tomorrow too that I don't really feel like studying hard for. Which I should because my first mid-term results was below average. Don't really feel like sending in all those job apps too. Which I should too because I haven't been called for a single job-interview till date. But somehow I'm not worrying about that job. When it comes, it will come.

Working with people in a team isn't easy. We have a six-person team in design, all of which I have never worked with before. It is hard, when someone makes a careless mistake, or a wrong decision, and the whole team has to shoulder that outcome. To take consequences as a result of what other people do. And most of all, to maintain a loving, forgiving, understanding, and joyful spirit above everything. It's hard to do it, when all you want is to get a good grade, and keep that CAP where it should at least be.

Sometimes I don't know whether to be glad that I'm not the person causing all the probs (despite my CAP being the lowest among those in the team), or to be unhappy because I have to be pulled down when others are not careful enough, not punctual enough, not responsible enough, or have not researched enough, or even, when they don't care enough. It takes me so much effort to remind me life is not all about a Design project; it is more about caring who people are, and what I can do for them, rather than what I would get out from working with them, or just looking out for myself when we are in a team.

It is so difficult sometimes. But somehow I managed to break that barrier in the end with huge resolve, and I am so thankful and glad I went through all this, no matter what outcome befalls. God is good. No words can describe that.

Another joyful thing is - I found out a friend was saved in Christ last week. It was such awesome, awesome news. One would never comprehend the weight of salvation, until he knows he is loved and saved by God. How arrogant can men be when they think they are the ones who choose whether to believe or not. If God did not have the grace and mercy to grant you belief to come to Him in faith for salvation, you would never desire to seek Him in the first place. It is through the grace and mercy of God that one can be saved. Nothing of man's virtue and choice; and even if it is a choice, it is a choice to surrender.

At a dead end, look up

2011-03-16T14:37:00.001-07:00

Actually, I shouldn't be looking up at dead ends only. Up is the direction I should look at all the time.

Actually now I'm horribly stuck in my design project. Either way I'm going no where, time is short; and to top it all up I have a test a day after project submission. =.= The design project deadline is so worrying that I have no time to worry (more less so to study) for the test!

It is times like these when I'm truly desperate, I truly hold on to the Lord. Working through the night has been intolerable especially when you know a sleepless night's effort has been futile. And the song we sang for worship last week came into my mind.

I am His, He is mine; Jesus knows my name.

I can rest in His arms; He’s always the same.

When I fall, when I call, Jesus takes my hand.

Cleansing me, lifting me, He helps me to stand.

In His love, I’m secure; we shall never part.

In His Word I will trust and give Him all my heart.

In the dark of the night, when my heart would fear,

Lovingly, tenderly, my Saviour is near.

Always the same, O praise His name,

Jesus never changes; He’s always the same.

Always together, His love is forever.

Jesus never changes; He’s always the same.

The song helped me to focus. Somehow or other it was interwined with Perfect Peace (another song) in my mind. I especially love the phrase: In the dark of the night, when my heart would fear; lovingly, tenderly, my Saviour is near. It was so true especially because now it's night time (although dawn is breaking).

My problems are still there big as ever. But as always, always. I know I can let go and depend on God to work miracles. I know that Jesus is always the same. And I know that bigger problems in life can never rob the joy of knowing my Jesus.

What I Would Do After FYP Presentation

2011-03-08T08:08:00.001-08:00

Things I would do after 10.30 a.m. tomorrow when The Presentation is finally over:

Sleeeeeeeep.
Practice worship songs for Sunday!
Design project (yea like that's something to look forward to =.=)
Attend lecture and be attentive.
Shop for The Item.
Take a proper picture of me and my poster.
And maybe I should prepare for Friday too just in case some industry expert asks some very technical question that stumps me.

Sigh why did I sprout big pimples just before my big day. Hope everything will work out fine tomorrow!

Distracted

2011-03-07T06:02:00.000-08:00

Today's two lectures were a flop. I was physically there, but my whole mind was filled with FYP-presentation. The main reason was because there was a date mix-up on my moderator's part; and in the end instead of presenting on Thursday (I initially even thought everyone was presenting on Friday); I have to present my poster on Wednesday morning instead! That's like a whole 24 hours before what I expected. And I haven't prepared properly yet, Q&A and all. T___T

So I wasted 4 hours in lecture thinking about FYP 80% of the time. It was miraculous how I even managed to take down the notes I took. Sigh. But at least I have a nice poster! Because Jon spent hours helping me with the design. Thanks Jon! Thanks Tirza on the step-by-step guidance on how to print too. The printing lab was a horror to behold today, queue and chaos. Thankfully I didn't have to wait long. Was really impressed how Yvonne who was working there kept her cool all through.

On a happier note, I joined worship team in Choir last Sunday, and I'm playing piano for GLCC the first time this Sunday! Actually I plan to join worship team after I graduate, but they had an empty slot for pianist next week, so Jon recommended me. Public singing in Choir is not really my thing, because I have a static facial expression. But I guess these things come with training. It was not easy singing on stage as it was very, very, cold; and my legs hurt because I was standing the wrong way (I have very bad posture but had to stand with good posture on stage.) But service always comes with sacrifice, and that is what makes service sweet. I loved the choir. I think I might join again to sing next time around.

Things That Make Me Happy

2011-03-03T01:28:00.000-08:00

Let us clarify the relevant terminology first. When I say 'happy', it means the emotional high I get (kind of perk), not like joy/sense of satisfaction etc.

They say money can't buy happiness - but I think to some degree it can. However, that happiness might not last long. So do these emotional perks. :) Brought by all the worldly material things. They can't last long though.

Anyway here's the list, in no particular order:

Shopping outings - even though there's no actual shopping involved. Like just a walk in Clementi square. Getting lesser time for even that.
Ice-cream. Especially the $2.50 one from McDonalds that I rarely eat.
Buying stationary - my favorite being colored pens (stopped myself from buying those now), paper, highlighters, any nice stationary you can think of. I mean the useful kind.
Using the new stationary I've brought.
Writing notes in a myriad of colors.
Clothes shopping. Especially if I get cheap and ok-looking clothes. Just brought a dress for $6 from the forum two days ago.
Cold drinks. Coffee tops the list when it's a horrible day with loads of work and I'm sleepy. It serves to wake me up and makes me happy!
Cold thick Milo. This could not be lumped up with point 7 as it is a different league of its own. In terms of price and in terms of satisfaction (but if I'm sleepy cold coffee takes precedence).
Facebook & Facebook games. I already limited myself to only Treasure Isle now.
Zuma or TumbleBugs. I love Zuma's Revenge! Believe it or not, I can play Zuma just for the satisfaction of breaking my previous high score. It's addictive.
Board games - the interesting kind of intricate dynamics, NOT chinese checkers/chess/Pictionary/Taboo etc. Bang! is my ultimate favorite. Sorry but I'm picky over this. :p (Yew Hong you can come RH between 9 pm - 12 am on a week day to play with me :p Not this week or next week though. We can have supper after that.)
Omelette made by Jon.

Also apart from all the things above, I think that my happiness factor would be boosted tremendously by the following events:

My FYP poster design & presentation is a success.
My absorber converges with desired results (gasp!), and everything in the design project report gos smoothly.
I get a wonderful job. (Spent nearly 2 hours trying to write a nice cover letter yesterday night.)
I get a wonderful place to stay with wonderful house-mates (the house-mates part is kind of checked!).

Sigh. But the last few points seem a bit out of reach now. Will make do by getting either 1 of the first 12.

Princess Mononoke

2011-03-01T09:28:00.001-08:00

For people who like a blend of Chinese & Western instruments. And of course for those who like Princess Mononoke.

To tell the truth I would love to dictate this song for RHME, (especially now when I'm more familiar with how the Gu Zheng is played), but then there's this big vision of design project & FYP presentation blocking it out of view. It will take many, many hours to dictate it.

Yes I have still to convince my dearest absorber to converge with my latest specifications; hopefully without insanely costly values. And of course, prepare a first class presentation for my FYP poster to stun whoever's moderating my presentation.

But that didn't stop us from two games of Bang! just now. Sadly it was just four of us this time: Andrew, Jerome, Jon and myself. I played Renegade for both games (there was the Sheriff, 2Outlaws and Renegade); and use the same 'side with outlaw first to weaken Sheriff' strategy. Ended up winning the first game narrowly, but allowed the Sheriff to be overcome by outlaws the second round (that was Jon by the way), while I lost the game with full health. =.= Jerome mercilessly stuffed me into jail for 4 rounds in a row (it was his character ability that allowed him to do that somehow), while the two outlaws gunned down the hapless Sheriff. It was fun. :D

Sorry Andrew, I really want to go a third round, but then the absorber beckons. :)

Bye-bye recess week

2011-02-27T06:07:00.000-08:00

T'is the last hours of the last day of my last recess week. Bye-bye recess week. Forever :((

Don't feel that I'm quite productive this week, but so far I think I've done enough to finish up stuff on time. :D Tidied up my clothes cupboard too which is quite a feat for someone like me.

Oh I found this BANG! blog: http://bangcardgame.blogspot.com/. Particularly like the character guide strategies.

Last Recess Week

2011-02-23T09:56:00.000-08:00

Half of my recess week is officially gone; but it's my awesome-mest Recess Week ever! Most well-spent (albeit relatively academically unproductive, ops), in my opinion. The best-est part is there's no mid-terms looming at the end right after.

Random pic before moving to the Budget Terminal

We went to Genting from Saturday - Sunday, for our so-called Grad Trip. To save time we flew from Changi airport, so CY, Jon, Tirza, ZJ, and myself over-nighted there (thanks Simon for fetching the three of us). SY was sick so the remaining 4 (SY, WenQiao, Jerome, Shereen) cabbed over around 4 am to catch the 6 am flight. This was my first time taking a plane, and to me over-nighting at the airport was part of the excitement. After two games of Monopoly Deal (ZJun won the first game, and I won the next); Tirza and I decided to try to sleep but we ended up staying awake in most uncomfortable positions instead. In the end we had a few more simple card games. Couldn't sleep the rest of the flight-wait too. :(

We had breakfast in Old Town and took a van up to Genting. I finally managed to sleep somewhat in the van, though it was a very light sleep. Was forced to wake up during the winding uphill trudge in the van to stop myself from feeling nauseated (it's better if you look at the road while it's turning). When we reached Resort World the temperature was awesome. The Singapore heat was so bad that we were all gradually falling sick (in fact a few of us were still sick in Genting). We couldn't check in so we went for the rides first.

We were queuing for the Cyclone here.

I shall not narrate the rides one by one. We were surprisingly alert while taking all of them and there were a few rides which I tried for the first time. i.e. Cyclone, Pirate Ship, and Spinner. Everyone took Corkscrew except me though. And Jon, Tirza and Shereen braved Space Shot (Tirza actually went for a second round). I guess maybe I'll try Corkscrew the next time around. :p I do have a phobia for heights and weird feelings in my tummy and such. I did photo jump shots for the first time too... and kind of failed horribly with all weird jumps that resulted in my feet hardly lifted off from the ground. Of all the rides, I would say the Rolling Thunder Mine Train is still my favorite. It's tame enough yet not boring. Bumper boats was kind of fun when you get the hang of the boat, but it got me a sunburn.

Girls can be messy too. ZJ emphasizes that she slept on the couch, and that is neat.

The hotel room was nice :D This is our girls' side. There were 6 of us so three of us had to sleep on the floor (me, Zaza and Shereen). The guys had the next room where Jon & CY slept on the bed, and Jerome on the floor in a sleeping bag. We went around the arcade at night. Didn't get to win anything from the games, but later on they got Hazel (see 3 pics below) with the help of a random girl who didn't want her points. She is officially Zjun's.

The next day was rather free and easy. Played Monopoly Deal in the morning and took random pics here and there. The highlight of the day was probably meeting Almond. He's the cutest dog I've ever seen so far. He behaves exactly like a baby when carried, but a baby that is a cross between a teddy bear and a dog, with nice curly fur. I'm not a fan of dogs, but I think this one was very nice! It was obedient too! And the owners let him play with us.

Cute lor this dog.

So cute he deserves a group pic with us.

So after a very fun grad trip (descriptions from lazy bloggers like me do the trip no justice), and a bak kut teh lunch (for most of us), and some more lame games; we took a 8 hour bus trip back to Singapore (except Tirza and Shereen who went home first). The trip was that long because we were stuck at the customs. And by the time we reached hall it was past midnight. End of grad trip :((

Final hotel group pic on bed. Hazel is between SY and ZJ (the tiny yellow bunny).

Tuesday was fun too because Ah Gong & Po Po were in Singapore (for her checkup), so Jon & I had lunch with them. We had bak kut teh and Ah Gong ate his third round of 猪脚 much to Po Po's chagrin. We were all stuffed. Then Ah Gong joined me and Jon for a little Fairprice shopping trip in Clementi. Apparently condensed milk is no longer sold in Malaysia (???!!!), so he's stocking up for the whole of the year.

And just now (9 pm - 12.30 am, Wed), I played board games with Eehiang, Jerome, Jon & Tirza. (Need I emphasize again how much I love board games?) We played the only three games that were really fun among RH's board game's collection. The miners (everyone except Tirza) won the first game of Saboteurs; Jon & I won Bang! as Sheriff and Vice Sheriff; and EeHiang won the last game Ticket to Ride (my first time trying this game!), whereas Tirza had the longest road. Must play again :D

So as a result of all this fun, I am supposed to pull an all-nighter with HYSYS after completing this blog. Well, it was fun when it lasted. :D Thank God for the wonderful first half of the week.

It is a Trend

2011-02-14T21:25:00.000-08:00

Why do I always make atrociously careless mistakes in questions that I know how to do. :(

And only realize that when the lecturer says 'stop writing'.

V-Day

2011-02-14T02:10:00.000-08:00

Valentine's day brings connotations to roses, chocolates, candlelight dinner, romantic outings, sweet presents, declarations of love. Saw many girls holding bouquets and heart-shaped balloons in the faculty today. Even the aunties who do cleaning were holding some! I thought that was really sweet <3

I told Jon I don't want flowers :p In fact we're (sadly) postponing today's celebration to another unknown date because I have a test on Tuesday, a test on Wednesday, and a design project deadline to meet by Thursday. Jon has a Thursday test too. I'm really sleepy now and still have to stay up to mug for hours :(

So there. But at least it's a good reminder that we're coming to almost 2 years together by now (plus minus 48 hours). :D

And yayyy I'm getting nice omelette for supper tonight!

Faith

2011-02-09T11:17:00.000-08:00

Found this very nice acronym on Faith: Forsaking All I Trust Him.

I realized that faith was most of what I could hold on to, after I entered into university life that was full of uncertainty. Whenever things go out of my control, and I can't get anything done on my own, the only reason I could go to sleep at night peacefully was in believing God will sort things out, and then I pray and let go, and fall asleep. It is just like this quote:

Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered. And lo, no one was there. ~Author Unknown

I am a very impatient person. I like to see things out and done. I don't like to wait and slowly toil to get results. I guess God is really putting me through a training these four years to wait in patience.

Somehow I don't believe in the saying: Have faith in yourself, and you will succeed. I guess it's true to some extent - where you have the capability, faith does boost determination and confidence. But sometimes you are not the only deciding factor of your 'success'; environmental circumstances have a large part to play too, and they are out of your control. You can trust in things, you can trust your life in people; but they may still fail you, intentionally or otherwise.

Rather I believe in having faith in a definite assurance, which the eyes of the flesh cannot see, but comes with reason. I believe in having faith in He who never fails me, and most of all, never fails Himself. I believe in having faith in facts, not (probable) empty hopes. Faith is not believing that God can, but knowing that He will.

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1)

I pray for a bigger faith for a higher purpose. I pray that I not only use faith to hold on to One I believe could solve my problems, but more than that; I will hold on to His promise that His will will be done (this is different from my will, which is always wanting my own problems solved and things to get fine and happy quickly).

And I thank God for in this year's walk in faith, I am not alone, but greatly encouraged by others :)

The Letter of the Law vs. The Spirit of the Law

2011-02-08T10:13:00.000-08:00

Romans 7:6 But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code.

Going through Romans in Bible Study has been a great experience. I found out much regarding the power of salvation over sin that I never really realized I could tap into.

But then I was reminded again today, by this verse, and by a sister that it is futile if we grasp all the principles of salvation and what God could do through us, if we fail to love.

I pray that my heart will always be tender for the lost and not have its senses hardened by the businesses and busyness of life. For the Spirit of the Law is love.

I pray that Bible Study would be life-transforming for me, and I pray that the Spirit open my eyes and see the need to love each day. And I pray that through the power of my salvation that has already won over sin, I have daily victory over my flesh and go out of my comfort zone to love, and to share His heartbeat for people.

And I thank God for Anna's little encouragement and reminder on Facebook to seek God even in absorbers and kinetic reactors :) For He is indeed everywhere.

Falling Leaves Return to Roots :)

2011-02-07T02:49:00.000-08:00

Came across this song just now when randomly following a Wang Lee Hom playlist. It's quite an old song by now but it still sounds nice :) I like the nice autumn feeling it gives. I played it before last year for CME during Mid-Autumn festival and it was a nice song to play (although it was in A flat major which was the horrible part). I was lazy to listen to it too many times and did not follow the improvisation exactly though. Still I'm pretty sure the important parts were there. :p And ohhh I did powerpoint slides for the performance, which was the only time CME performed with powerpoint slides ^_^

Wabbit year was pretty peaceful with minimal outings and visits from a very antisocial me. :p But I got A LOT of piano time which was great as I have hardly touched the piano at RH at all, and this is going to be my final semester with a piano around :(.

Give Thanks

2011-01-27T06:03:00.000-08:00

It is amazing that how God wants me to learn how to give thanks to Him in this particularly difficult week.

When I accepted Annie's Thanksgiving Challenge, I thought it would not be a hard thing to do. The next day I was hit by bouts of headache and fever. It was not too bad, but it wrecked my whole mood, and my whole ability to study, which is quite crucial now as I still couldn't get my Design Project simulation running.

Today the fever subsided but the natural phenomenon that happens once a month to ladies (before a certain age), deterred my ability to stand for long hours and made me very uncomfortable throughout today's career fair. Thankfully I more or less managed to note all the booths I wanted to see.

Yet I won't say this week is at rock-bottom stage because many, many nice things happened; and people were really understanding about my physical state and kept asking me to rest more. Jon did all he could to make me get better. Tirza has been urging me to sleep more (I slept A LOT yesterday + today!) The dinner Andrew cooked was beyond awesome too. And the 3 in 1 birthday celebration was worth staying up for :)

I know in the future there are most certainly worse days than this, but the more things turn downhill, the more we must learn to give thanks. Because if this is what God has mapped out, it can be nothing else but the best.

The extra push

2011-01-23T10:10:00.001-08:00

This is Jon's favorite image on motivation:

How best to motivate oneself? To race after timelines closing in as the number of weeks increase, and the time to finish work decrease. It's very easy to get motivated if you set a nice (tight) timetable with closing deadlines to show how little time you have left. Push yourself further by comparing yourself against classmates who have done this or that on top of gazillion things, sent out a thousand resume's and is progressing leaps and bounds in a project that you're falling behind in.

It is very easy to get motivated to meet urgent needs; to work, to eat, to splurge. But sometimes it is not easy to get motivated to love others, to grow one's self spiritually, to serve; unless you love God enough. Indeed urgent timelines and sinful pleasures crowd out the Christian's capability to love God and others.

My teacher posted up an interesting status on her wall: Would you give up relationships for dreams? Those who are ambitious and have high spirits, said yes. Those who have people at heart, said no. Me? If giving up a relationship means to stop loving, stop contacting, and stop being concerned about people, my answer is no. Although sometimes it's a challenge, but my principles say no. But if it means giving up space in terms of distance - maybe yes. Depends on what dream you're chasing - is it God's dream?

A dream that may not prosper one materialistically, it might not even feed your ego. But any dream outside the will of God is futile. No one dreams of working in some unknown place for others who reject them, unless by the will and strength of God. No one dreams of battling cancer so that others may see how strong or weak they are inside, unless by the will of God. No parent dreams of bringing up a rebellious kid, to pierce their own hearts, even though just to watch him change one day. However, any dream held for one's own is futile. For men may well plan, but the best of plans may fail.

This is the point of time where I think much about my career, and whom I aspire to be at least in the next five years. As I plan, I need very much to remember whichever road I walk on, I want it to be one that I glorify God in. I don't want to live the next decades raking in $$ just to cover loans and expenses, take leave to go for trips, and then just let my youth fade worthlessly in some unknown workplace.

Let the next place where my career continues be a place where I can make a difference. And most importantly, let God be my biggest motivation.

Thought-Processing

2011-01-23T06:21:00.000-08:00

I realize that I have fewer blog posts than before. That's because I have little blank spaces of time to write them down, and whatever pockets of time I have, I spend it processing my thoughts instead. Which means I have a blog post out and ready, but only in my mind. And once it's there, I think there's no need for it to be anywhere else.

This might be a good thing or bad thing. Which means only unprocessed, or half-processed thoughts come here (like this one). And it means that emotions here are not completely raw. Not that it has often been anyway. But many times my thoughts are random, and they just come.

There were things I wanted to write in detail about this week. Like the last handball match I watched. Like preparing for Career Fair. Struggling with project work, and The Review Paper. Like how I handled my emotions when they were too overwhelming. Like how I liked the content for last week's Bible study despite my doziness due to coffee withdrawal.

But they were all processed and kept in the store room. I guess it will be sometime, or some other stimulus that will cause me to draw them out again.

I want to go CNY shopping! Like I want a new (cheap) top or something that looks presentable for CNY instead of recycling all my clothes almost every time I go home. But then, that has to give way to other tasks of high priority. Sigh. Hopefully the bazaar in the central forum has some good deals these two weeks.

My last Week 2 in NUS

2011-01-21T03:57:00.000-08:00

It has been a very busy week, and I'm anticipating more it to be worse next week due to multiple conflicting demands.

Design project planning and execution has been going on in full blast. None of the project mates I have now had I worked with before, though I know Anna and Jillian quite well from MSD. However, we are getting along quite well, and I hope we will be close by the time the project is over. I think I like all of them :)

The paper Mei and I have been working on for Prof Lee is hopefully going to be over soon. Thank God for Bevan being really considerate and understanding, saying that he'll forward our workload concerns to Prof. Lee. I like Bevan because he is not just someone who wants results, he cares about what we're doing at school and bothers to chat with us too. And Prof. Lee has been very understanding as well throughout the past year.

Other modules are kind of being side-lined at the moment, except for graded tutorial-preparation. Hope mid terms are not too cruel on us final years. I'm sort of arranging CNY songs on Sibelius for Andrew. It has been some time since I did song arranging, but it's fun! :) Other things to be busy about include preparing for Career Fair and the never-ending job-hunt. Hopefully I get to survive next week!

More Youtube songs!

2011-01-14T09:59:00.000-08:00

I like how the composition method of this form! Not easy to write something for one guy to 'duet' with three girls leh. And if your name is Mable Lee, and you're reading this - you might or might not know, but that guy is the first runner up from that particular year of 超级星光大道! And his singing is actually quite good (towards the end). You might want to Youtube some of his songs too.

And this is one of the series of M-girls CNY songs I was talking about. I was more interested in the dresses they had than the singing though - they are pretty unique. And I like the way they do up their hair when they are wearing the traditional costumes! Quite different from the type they do on TV. Quite a nice watch. I have forgotten most of those CNY songs already - but I guess I will copy this for our CME CNY performance. Now the challenge is getting those parts written out!

Last First Week

2011-01-13T07:54:00.000-08:00

This is the end of the last first week of school (no Friday classes). And I just found out that my Design project is 5 MC instead of 8 which I initially envisioned it to be. That means I'm only taking 15 MC worth of modules this semester. It does make me wish that I could take more. But then again, the remaining one module's time can go to job-hunting, doing more work for all my other modules, and doing stuff that I love.

Maybe I need more time to prepare myself for the road ahead too. I'm going to work hard for this semester's design project. To feel what it's like when you have a chemical engineering project in hand, and to be so near to being an engineer at least once in my life. :D

Modules are OK so far, stuffed with biology stuff, and chemical structures for once. Everything is fine for the first week. Life was pretty tranquil, apart from an email for Anna to give us the group's week one assignment for design project. And besides the fact that I still need to update my TB write-up and handle CNY songs for Andrew.

I attended this semester's first RHCME meeting. It was all random jamming and noise, but it was fun, apart from everything being quite messy. I always loved our practices. I may feel super reluctant to come down each time but every time I'm in the band room I don't feel like leaving. Now my biggest challenge is to find out what a Gu Zheng sounds like, find out what it's scores look like, and write Chinese songs for CNY for it. Been Googling CNY songs because of that, and I feel that M-girls really have potential, their acting is relatively natural compared to some other singers of their age. At least their producers have, they managed to synchronize all the movements, and dresses so that each time the girls look fresh. But still it's Malaysia - and so they are not really making it big here.

End with two versions of the song 雨天. I like both versions but Mable only likes the guy-version (which is not the original haha), because she doesn't like Stephanie Sun's pronunciation. I'm neutral regarding that though, but I agree that the non-original version does have a larger dose of emotions in it. Don't really like his facial expression though. But still, if it's really natural - it can't be helped.

The INTI Arrival

2011-01-05T06:41:00.000-08:00

Today is Mable's first day in INTI. We reached there a little past 2.30 p.m. There was a whole crowd of people queuing to register/pay fees/get timetable etc. Not just the freshmen, but everyone else too! Hence we had to wait for around 100 people before we could get her fees paid.

After paying tuition fees, we went to get keys for her hostel and unload. Mable was (sort of) one hour late for orientation but still I don't think she missed much. The main agenda of the day was more or less ice-breaking. It was raining cats and dogs outside, and I didn't really regret our wearing shoes into her room, else if our shoes were left in the corridor they would be soaked. Daddy and I unpacked what we could and got her 'clothes line' up. Mopped the floor up before leaving the room, ridding the room of ugly black shoe prints, that might cause severe depression when in solitude.

Hope this is the beginning of new beginnings! On a very separate note, IVLE have been intimidating me today with the influx of new lecture notes and the design project description, which turned out to be at least as bad as I thought it would be. I am very thankful for not taking up an extra breadth module after all. Hello Semester 8. You might just be the toughest semester of all.

Thought Transfer

2011-01-04T00:23:00.001-08:00

I just transferred my archives again for my blog at Windows Live Spaces. Reason being Windows Live Spaces is going to be converted to WordPress anyway and if I don't transfer I will lose all my archives. And whether you view this as being narcissistic or not, I treasure all my archives, and don't want to lose them. However, I lost my beloved green-tea theme that I have stuck with for years, AND the list of blog links I have compiled across the years. :( I haven't settled down with a new theme though.

Now I'm trying to get my review paper write-out out before holidays end. Thank God for EndNote. Why did EndNote not exist in my life years earlier?! It would have made citations a breeze. :( Well, better late then never. For the sake of myself, and those whose fate is tied with this review paper, I will get this out no matter what!

Mable is going off to INTI tomorrow. Makes me wish I could start Year One, or even Secondary One all over. It really feels weird to only have one more semester of school life left only! But then again, I'm not getting younger, so I'd better start working instead. Hope working life won't be too bad. As for tomorrow, it will spent loading and unloading, cleaning, hanging, and saying goodbye to all her toys.

First (short) post in 2011

2011-01-01T00:09:00.000-08:00

Just attended a wedding of a sister in Christ in church. Apart from the bride and groom looking very sweet together - and some rather tear-jerking moments, I am really thankful for all the memories we have to share together in this church. It's like growing up in a mega-sized family, where we share many things together - growing up, growing old, celebrations, baptisms, marriages, births, and even deaths.

This is something I wish I could really feel for GLCC too - which to me seems much of an organization rather than a church, firstly because it is really much bigger; secondly because I don't know too many people there (mainly due to lack of initiative); and thirdly, because I didn't grow up there. But Campus has gone through a lot with me, much more than they think they know, and has walked me through an important phase of life too. I wish to create and preserve more memories with my home church still, and also in GLCC and with Campus group.

By the way yesterday I watched Despicable Me at home. Story-line was quite interesting, though not mind-blasting, but everything was a mixture of just-rightness, more or less like the feel Tangled gave. However, unlike Tangled, the theme of this story is more centered towards family warmth and over-whelming cute-ness, coming from two potent sources.

The first:

And what bowled Dawn over:

My last (short) blog post in 2010

2010-12-31T07:36:00.001-08:00

Happy new year to all :) May this be a year of many new beginnings. This post is to specially remember sis Mi-en and hubby who will be joined together as husband and wife tomorrow morning. May God's grace be upon their union.

Hope I can blog more this coming year too! Nothing too much to say. But many thoughts to gather.

Last round of CORS

2010-12-29T19:30:00.000-08:00

This is the last round of CORS bidding for my module and for the first time, I file for graduation. Somehow ever since my departure from SP/Merck when my industrial attachment ended, I seem to just take these last times by the stride now. My last school-like semester is going to be punctured with job-hunting, accommodation-hunting, poster making and The Presentation. And of course, there's our final year activities in Raffles Hall.

I have one S/U left, and I do badly want to take one more UE. However, looking at my current workload, it would/might be better to dedicate more time to hunt for a job/place to stay instead, or learn something interesting that doesn't need commitment, since even an extra A+ from a UE can't move my honours up anymore.

So bye bye UE. And bye bye CORS. Bidding ends today for me.

And hello 2011. I'd always thought you've never come. For one, your coming means I (finally) end my formal education. And for another, you make me feel old, as you mark the coming of the second 'Rabbit year' that I'm conscious of.

End of IA

2010-12-16T22:16:00.001-08:00

My IA ends! And I think either it's my last day or something but I feel so happy! Not because I'm leaving (not so fun being jobless after all), but it's because once you sound the bell that you're leaving, everyone treats the day as if it's your birthday or something. They are all extra nice :)

And so Gail wants to thank:

Her beloved supervisor for letting her go off from work early, and being incredibly sweet to her throughout the internship, and for every single thought and care for her intern's convenience.
Her quality director for instantly presenting her with three of his name cards, and added her as a friend on FB with the reminder that she can always contact him if she has questions/need job/anything. And for the goodbye hug he gave.
Her fun-filled Exp lab & Packg lab chemists for letting her stay in their lab for an hour plus, (and held up their work by talking and listening to them step on each other), played the last table soccer with her (and tried to let her win), for treating her to yogurt and drinks, and for making capsule sorting an enjoyment. And she appreciates the fact that they (or one of them) initially planned to trick her over to play table soccer yesterday too. :p
Her makan colleagues who purposely asked her to makan for a last time and gave her a goodbye present.
The very nice Uncle who drives the internal shuttle bus, who wanted to treat her for lunch, but unfortunately her schedule was already filled. Will lunch with him another day though - has taken contact down!
Her fellow IA students in Merck and SP who sent farewell messages, chocs, and goodbye well-wishes.
Everyone who wished her goodbye, took pics with her, and liked her card aka bookmarks.
Everyone who made SP a place to be missed and remembered.

I miss SP already. Though of course, I want to go home for hols too!

Moving on

2010-12-14T07:29:00.000-08:00

Another phase of my internship (a.k.a. capsule sorting) is over. I don't really adore capsule sorting that much (but someone has to do it), but at least they were colored. I finished almost all by myself within 4 days - and taking my own sweet time on top of that. I don't feel like leaving the lab I was working with, because it's full of fun young people! (Yes, they call themselves 'aunties' and 'uncles' but actually they are all less than 10 years older than me). The lab I was in is actually a combination of two different labs from different plant sites. Since I was working with packaging, I got to visit an actual packaging lab too, and the chemists there (who were also very nice).

Today when a colleague asked if I would be coming back again tomorrow, I was so sad I had to say no. (Would have to freeze in front of my computer seat instead, as my work in that plant site was over.) That colleague has been through this capsule-sorting process with me, and all through those 4 days I was around, I had talked to her a lot about a multitude of things (basically about life-after-school). I'm going to miss her company a lot. It was very kind of her to bring me around when she was visiting her colleagues in the other plant site for tea break and such, because she knew I was bored.

I guess it's only after these four days working in the Biotech facility that I realized how much I crave company in my workplace. Take my desk for example. It is right beside the door, isolated from all the other seats (but at least I get to say hi to the people walking through the door, and I'm always the first-pass for 'who's seat is where' when unfamiliar people come looking for other colleagues). The only seat near me (behind me) is empty. =.= I only get to talk a little bit through Instant Messaging or when other interns come up to deliver stuff or look for the secretary.

Location apart, I guess I am to blame also for not being naturally chatty and friendly, and taking the initiative to talk to people (it gets rather tiring making forced conversations after a while). I think the main problem is the age-gap, and that most people already formed their social circles too. The thing is, while I can talk well with people one-to-one, in a group I tend to be more quiet, mainly because I feel that it is not nice to interrupt when more senior colleagues are conversing. I guess I need to make a small change to this somehow. It helps to be able to communicate naturally (instead of making small, polite exchanges only), to people not from my generation.

Anyway. I shall miss the free tea during teabreaks, the rather frequent breaks, and the conversation and lightheartedness of the lab. :( What's more the air-con isn't so icy-cold too. But on the bright side, I was really glad to know these people before I ended my internship. It somehow, made the experience more complete, if you know what I mean. :)

Some Quotes To Share

2010-12-11T10:02:00.000-08:00

Thanks Hue Wen for sharing via email. Just decided to do some short sharing with my view on some of them.

Sometimes we think we know best. But remember it is our Father in Heaven that looked down on centuries and centuries of men and the way they live. He designed our life and knows in what way it will be best for us. Ultimately life is not for our glory but His.

Hence the need for vigilance, vigilance, vigilance. Only those with oil in their lamps, only whose who are ready will be able enter the Kingdom.

Be not hasty to judge, for there is much about ourselves to be judged about. A reminder to self to control 1) words, and 2) thoughts of judgement towards others.

A place where God often shows His providence and causes man to turn to Him (and those who do will not find His promises empty). However, it would be best if God is not always treated as a last resort for the desperate. Again, reminder to self.

Those who preach/give advice carry such a burden. A reminder to self to live in what is taught to others. A reminder to self also, to be less judgmental towards those in a position to preach - as it is always not easy to live it up.

Always true, even in the darkest and driest of spiritual grounds.

True again - sometimes I think He even disqualifies the qualified so that when He works through them, His glory will shine instead.

In fact, a rough passage is promised. Without molding how is the potter's clay shaped?

There are people who like to question all the time. I just believe that eventually, the answers will come themselves, and we shall be satisfied.

This quote is pretty cute. There are no coincidences.

Yes, and I should be bigger than who I am now.

Or my version of this will be: you know how big a person is when you know who he depends on.

Nothing that cannot be accomplished; even defeats are meant for a purpose.

Be thankful, under all circumstances, for all this is not coincidence, but grace.

Prayer is not just about meeting needs, it's an opening to see how to meet more needs.

Or there will be a resounding crash.

Block 6 Family Photo :)

2010-12-09T07:04:00.000-08:00

Miss our Block 6 family loads. We're missing Archi Boy & Archi girl here. :P

Things That Happened in December

2010-12-09T03:49:00.000-08:00

Note: View available pics in my Facebook profile. (Not a complete set.)

Swee Yee's birthday celebration

It was a bomb of a birthday celebration with sparklers and surprises. Too bad all my pictures were blurred because of all the smoke we created. Birthday girl was very overwhelmed.

Tangled movie date.

A must-watch. Free tickets thanks to Jon's MNO award :p Funny and sweet enough for a Disney movie, but I have this feeling that it could have gone further. Watched with Boss & Wing Mei too.

Farewell lunch with my supervisor

Was treated for lunch at Jurong Point. Super nice! Also learned not to take anything at all for granted. Every chance you get might be one deprived from someone else when resources are scarce, and it doesn't mean that you're more deserving of it all the time. Be grateful, and make the most of each opportunity, for yourself, and for every person the opportunity was denied of.

Mind Cafe birthday celebrations

Went to celebrate Alex & Piang's birthdays. Free games for girls because it was ladies' nights. Had fun especially when viewing everyone's expressive artwork during Pictionary. Loved to see Alex, Li Wei, Phea and Shu Lin again.

Pill inspection

One of my current projects at work. It's actually sai-kang work, but the people made it so fun. Love the lab chemists in the lab I did this, because they were so inclusive. Played table soccer with them. I'm bad at it, but it was a good bonding session. More people I will miss in SP!

A New Identity

2010-12-02T07:32:00.001-08:00

I thought I was going to leave SP soon, but SP left sooner than I did.

This morning when I was taking the internal shuttle bus to Merck (or MSD South), I saw the SP logo and name at the entrance of the Biotech Facility being taken down. The one on Tablet was still intact. On the way back, I noticed that the API Facility which I worked in already had the Merck logo up with its new address at the grand entrance.

SP had officially become part of Merck (in business terms) yesterday. Hence, the entrance logo changes and the address change.

I don't know why but I felt a bit sad when I saw the logos being taken down. SP may not be the best of the best pharmaceutical organizations out there, but it had a wonderful legacy, and it had made its distinct mark and contributions in the industry. On the internet, it had very good reviews from its employees too. Most people who worked there loved its culture. And they gave suggestions for improvement, but ended their comments saying that there's no point for suggestions since there was already new ownership of the organization.

So officially starting from this month, SP is no more. There is only Merck International GmBH. It would be hard to wipe out SP entirely from the buildings though. I looked at the door puller of the DPI entrance and saw that the handles were elegantly shaped 'S and P'. I wonder how they are taking that out. I saw our walls are still colored yellow and red. The corridors and office layout were very much different from that of MSD yet. The people are kind of in between - some using the new green MSD lanyards, while others still keeping their red ones. Everyone works extra hard due to staff shortage for the new combined company, but I still hear the terms 'we', and 'us', versus 'they' and 'them', on and off. There is still much cultural and artifact harmonizing to be done.

In a business module I did last semester, Prof. Kai did mention that people need time to grieve when there is change, and we must give them that time. I'm not sure whether people or they just take merger in their stride as this flux is getting common at this day and age; panicking only when it affects their interests. But having worked half a year in SP, I do feel a lot for its legacy, although I like the Merck legacy as well. Hopefully these two organizations would progress to greater heights after they wed, for the welfare of its stakeholders and the development of the local and international pharmaceutical industry.

Last Day of November 2010

2010-11-30T03:11:00.001-08:00

I know these blog titles are pretty pointless, but I'm not feeling creative at the moment.

And oh! I simply have to blog about this! I have the awesomemest supervisor! (And by the way, 'awesomemest' is not a word because words cannot describe how nice she is!) She asked her husband who was in Australia to get me a nice Christmas present! I really appreciated this because firstly, I'm just a temporary intern; secondly, the present is super nice and not mini-sized; and thirdly I'm not even around for Christmas so she needn't have bothered in the first place. But she brought it over to office today and said she wanted to give it to me this week because I won't be seeing much of her for the rest of the week. Argh I will never ever get a Boss as sweet as this again ever. Touched to the max.

And today was quite fun because Mei came over to SP for a plant tour, and we had lunch together! Thanks Mei for enduring SP food with me, hehe. Really enjoyed her companionship throughout the semester, taking exactly the same modules, doing exactly the same research, and complaining and discussing the same stuff. And I found out where the SP clinic is today. At least I know where that is before I leave.

And did I mention I'm already missing SP already? I think I did in my last post. :p I hope one day I will get the chance to go back, and then the people, and the culture won't change. But then I don't think that will happen in near future. There's only one mistake I regret making in this place (and that's apart from all the typos I made in my work). Once, at the first few weeks of my internship, I was walking under the sun from one plant facility back to the one my office was in, and there was this kind and sweet lady in a yellow car who purposefully stopped to pick me up without asking who I am! She was driving from that plant facility to mine. After chit-chatting with her all the way, I went back to seat realizing one thing: I forgot to ask her name! Therefore, I shall henceforth severely remind myself, when talking to someone, especially your colleagues, ask and remember their names. I never forgot this, and I never forgot too the lift that was so kindly extended to me.

I remember someone said since people have to part, why meet (In Chinese). But I'd rather have many meetings and partings than no meetings at all, even though partings can be very sad. This SP experience really made me think a lot - and I make up my mind that every time I meet people, I would take something away, and leave something behind. There are so many lessons we can learn from people, even the worst of them. And there are so many ways we can contribute to their lives too, again, even to the worst among them (and again how much better are we ourselves?). It's not easy to always remember to make a difference. But if we do take the effort to do it, you won't know how much it means to another. Just like that lady who gave me a lift - she might not know but it is going to be one of my fondest memories of SP when I leave.

The Last Three Weeks

2010-11-27T07:32:00.000-08:00

There are only three weeks left and I'm already missing SP :(( I don't like waking up at 6 plus in the morning, or not getting to go home for hols. But I really like the working environment (at least the small sphere I'm around) and the people there.

One thing that I really appreciated in SP is the willingness of some people to give compliments, and their capacity to share. I used to think it is not a culture of young people to give compliments (but they still can't beat my supervisor in that sense), but I realized that the chemists from both labs I'm working with are very generous with that. Instead of an official 'thank you' they took the trouble to comment on positive aspects of my work, however small it was, as being fast, complete etc. That is so unlike our project work teams in NUS whereby people hardly acknowledge the extra effort others put in so that they know it, except maybe when they fill in peer review forms. It makes Mother Theresa's quote so apt: There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.

Now I have to make this very clear - I do not lack love and appreciation. (I will be severely whacked on the head by many if I say I do.) And I daresay if there's no one to appreciate my efforts in something, I am 'zi lian' enough to appreciate myself if what I've done is really worthwhile. But there are many who do, and few who give what they need. Instead of just looking out for yourself and how your contribution is valued all the time, it would do good to yourself and others to do some degree of appreciation from time to time, even to people you're not familiar with. Sometimes things like this go a long long way.

Three more weeks - time runs so fast, and therefore it's really important to make each day and hour count :)

Exams Are Over

2010-11-20T05:43:00.000-08:00

Exams are over and I want to go De-coders! De-coders is a board game cafe. Usually we go for a $8 four-hour session with free flow of drinks. And by now I know how to play quite a number of board games, enough to fill 10 hours of one round each I think! :p I'm seriously a board-game addict. What's more I just saw the alumni gang playing Bang! in the upper lounge two days ago, and I instantly missed Bang! So anyone interested please PM my Facebook account, as long as I'm in Singapore! (Should have min of 4 persons to be fun.) But I'm not going to be free to go out until after next Tuesday evening at least.

I usually don't like talking about my papers after exams, but I quite like the two modules (actually it's three, including IA) I'm taking this semester so here goes! HR is quite heavy for 3 MC, but I don't mind because it's 'my type' of module. Much 'critical thinking' and debating involved. And what I like about it is you can actually disagree (or agree partially, and disagree partially) with the readings and still get high marks if you argue it nicely! I wish I was in some course that would allow me to take this sort of module all the time, but I wonder what career (besides teaching/counselling), would accommodate for this sort of 'thinking skill' all the time? It doesn't seem very useful for a full-time job.

The other module I'm taking is a level 5, on Downstream Processing of Biochemical Products. The module is nice, the workload is OK, the professor teaches well. HOWEVER, we are taking with a bunch of Master's students, and other undergraduates who are star-learners. Mid-terms are awfully tricky and I died in them. The term paper was OK for me, and for everyone else. The final paper was OK too, just that from my postulation, half the class would have the capability to score 100% for it, and unfortunately that doesn't include me! But oh well, it could have gotten much worse, so thank God for the finals! I really like this module from the bottom of my heart - it's just that bell curves are cruel things most of the time in Chem Eng modules.

IA is going to end in another month, and I have a load of preparatory work to do before ending it. For instance, I believe my supervisor deserves a really nice souvenir for all the love she put in coaching me! And I don't know how, but I do plan to do something for each person I know too because they've all been so nice! But how to do something nice for everyone and at the same time make it cost effective? I have this LONG list of names I've compiled, and I have only one month to think of what to do. T__T

And yup, on top of IA at the back of my mind I still have to take care of my research with Prof Lee. Next year is Design Project semester and Final Year Project Presentation. They do have to end our final semester with a big bang like this. Then after that graduation! And a new myriad of possibilities ahead of me.

Yesterday when I was studying, my mind couldn't just stick in one place, and I was fleetingly thinking of a range of interesting part-time jobs I wish I could do if there is an opening, and the pay was decent. There are things I feel that would be really fun to do if they could feed me at least before I get a proper job. Some of them are here:

1. Do translation (preferably from Chinese to English) for a drama series/ movie! I don't know how this pays, but some of the translations I've seen are really horrible, and I believe I could do a way better job than that. And it would be fun too. Book translations are welcome too.

2. Tutor a kid who genuinely wants to learn. Music or school-work (which is not beyond my capabilities). I actually love to teach you see. Especially subjects like History, basic Biology, and maybe essay writing.

3. This is not exactly a job - but I want to join some short-term mission trip or something - local or overseas. I seriously lack experience from serving in this field! No payment required - I'm willing to dig my pocket money out for this (provided that the cost is not explosive).

4. Teach a kid/adult how to improvise in music lessons. Must be willing to learn, easy to teach AND not take my efforts for granted. Unfortunately, you need to pay for this though. :p

5. Play board games and get paid? No such dream job in existence though. T__T

6. Some methodological sai-kang work (maybe for a few days only) - such as packing goodie bags, data entry, documentation work, report writing, grammar checking for thesis only. Must be a well-paid sai-kang job. :p

That's about what I can think off at the moment. Now to get out of dreamland and back to research work. :D

Between Week 13 and Reading Week

2010-11-14T08:17:00.000-08:00

As I've mentioned many, many times, this is the first time my exams end in reading week itself! Unfortunately I can't lie back and enjoy after that, because I still have to rush Prof. Lee's research project, and of course work from Mondays to Fridays (without early leave for lessons on Mondays and Wednesdays).

Still, I will miss my IA a lot when it's over. :( My supervisor is really very nice, appreciative, and understanding; and I do like the people and the working environment in SP. Every time I feel like 'oh no, I'm going to mess this up...', people there are just so ready to teach and put you at ease when you're doing things you've never done before. If my future working environment is like this (provided that I have a little more assignments than I already have), it would be perfect!

HR project is officially over, ending with a class presentation and a class photo. Behold myself and my group members. :p Really learned much about communication, and people management through this project. It was really messed up with a lot of subtle conflicts, and everything was extra difficult because everyone was friends with each other. But we did end on amicable terms, and the preparation process for the presentation was quite fun. My greatest regret for this project is probably the fact that I didn't get to talk to Fuchao much and only knew how to write his Chinese name after the presentation.

Just want to specially appreciate YH for his honesty throughout the project, and Mei for sharing all the same burdens and frustrations with me, and for being so supportive. Also, our HR lecture, for being so nice and caring towards her students (she really goes out of the way to do so), for teaching us so many salient applications of communication and people management, and for making everything so fun :) She even gave us a bar of Toblerone each!

Our group members (in no particular order in the photo): Yew Hong, Fuchao, Kasun, Mei, Wendy, Shi Hui and myself.

Yesterday there was this email about our design project group allocation rules, and everyone went into a frenzy with group formations. Trust Chem Engineer wannabes like us to give such instantaneous reaction towards updates like this. The domino effect was, I had to start asking around too as I was always one of those left-behinds who 'filled in the gaps' and was grouped with random people in technical group projects. Decided to take the first offer available for safety's sake, and I was really happy that Anna called me just now. My being glad was not so much that I had a group at last (though yes, I was happy to have something definite like this to hang on to), but it was rather because I was accepted so appreciatively. And I really thank God for a very important reminder that she gave me regarding my perspective of the group work, or even school work as a whole.

Exams are on Thursday and Saturday - so I'd better continue bucking up for both papers! Hopefully I'll make the fullest of my school life before I graduate. :)