Back In Singapore

I'm back in Singapore and RH now. Got a room at Block 5, room 5-217. It's a double room but I'm currently the only occupant there. Wonder when my unknown roomie would suddenly pop in. Somehow I always get double rooms that act like single double rooms. LOL.

More than half my stuff is still unpacked and are in Jon's room. I've just got enough things around me to live by (except paper).

The train trip back was quite tiring. Couldn't really sleep well on the train, partially because I was feeling really homesick then. Was crying on and off in the first few hours of the trip. Must be partly the effect of the nice dinner Po Po cooked for me before I left.

RHOM hasn't started working yet. Lucky people who got the first half of the vacation! Some of them practically had nothing to do. And I can foresee that in the weeks to come, those of us who are here are going to have a really awful time sourcing for all those float materials. The list comes late, they rush us for materials, we rush the sourcing, they rush the work. Without freshies, together with the slow rate the materials come in, I wonder if they could even finish things on time. They are going to need a lot of hands indeed.

I went to the Central Library again, and did a bit of self-studying. Next semester's materials require a firm grounding of basic understanding, and hopefully I get to bursh up my basics before school starts! I was quite disappointed when I had my lunch at YIH. They took my favorite cheese/mushroom omelette off the menu (and it was only $1.50), and left other items with increased food prices :( Don't think I'll be eating much over there again.

RHOM will have our first meeting tomorrow. Hope all will turn out well. Meanwhile I shall enjoy the nice Agatha Christie murder mysterey I managed to borrow from the library. I'm jolly lucky to have in my hands one of the very few stories she wrote from the Central Library. I wonder why they don't keep the whole set! Furthermore, the cover looks really unimpressive, just a black hardcover book - in contrast to those nice glossy covers of the copies found in my secondary school library. Well, I guess in the end it's the contents that matters!

Helping others?

I'm in a very idle state these days, but surprisingly enough my mind is not. I guess playing computer games does in a way benefit me, as I usually go through issues with myself while playing. Issues I wouldn't have thought of, or specially allocated some me-time to think about.

Just wondering why I don't seem to be able to help people much these two years. In fact progress has been so backward, that I've given up caring to know how these persons are getting along.

Is it because people just don't want to be helped, or I don't care enough? Or do I care enough, but am just doing things my own way?

I'm not like this. And I wonder why I'm like this. Worse still, sometimes you put your hands behind your back, don't want to care, but there's this little voice nagging in your head saying, "What if?". What if I cared again, would it make a difference?

I know I can't keep going on like this, but part of me still wants to stop because I'm too afraid of the discouragements ahead. And people around aren't being too encouraging about it either.

Sigh. One day I'll really have to face myself about this. But when?

An Update for Tirza

Tirza said I don't blog much lately, so here's an update for her. Actually, I did update - once every two days! But then again she's right in a way - I do blog much lesser now, since last semester. Somehow the drive for blogging isn't quite there.

I deleted a whole long passage I was typing. I'm quite protective when it comes to blogging and I believe certain private issues should be left to the diary or private blogs (well locked up). Ranting can prove to be dangerous and might lead to explosive catastrophes, if not attended to properly.

Sigh. Dear diary. I miss you. Why is it that you're always in Singapore when I need you?

Anyway, on other news - I'm bringing back a new laptop this semester! It's newer, has a smaller screen and is lighter. I think it's quite cute. It has much more storage space too. My Dad helped me install MATLAB into it, and without thinking much, I asked him to put in the entire games of the GameHouse collection in my comp at home into it too. Now I kind of regret doing that. Might prove fatal during stress-periods.

Tsai Sheng is coming back to Tampin next week. He just has to come back from Russia at this time of the year, just in time for me to miss his coming back! This is so irritating.

I'm going back to Singapore next Monday for Orientation Marketing work - which, I don't have a clue of what I'm supposed to do after I'm back. I hope Float materials aren't too hard to source for. Last year, Zhi Jun spent so much time just looking for buttons, and those paper cups took practically forever. As for the blue sponge, which I was in charge of, it turned out to be shockingly expensive. And you would think sponge is something really cheap to acquire. But worst of the worst was the dry leaves. We gathered two big bags for them (mind you, it wasn't easy, bending down and collecting, and choosing nicely shaped leaves all around the hall compound), but in the end they didn't use it! On top of that, all our nights were spent looking for bottle caps.

UFO 4 is on 13 July, and to Malaysian NUS seniors to want to help out (from RH), please let me know, so that I can plan out something for hall helpers. There won't be freshies from RH this year, but then, we might need to help out freshies from other halls. I don't think they will need too much help this year though. It seems like hall seniors are getting more and more involved in MSL as the years go by, which is a good thing.

Guess I'll end my blog here today. Don't worry, Tirza, maybe I'll be so bored back in hall that I will blog as frequently as I did last year.

Sinking Sand

There's this song I learnt in GLCC that goes:

On Christ, the solid rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

Here's one observation I always see, especially within these few years - which is particularly what I hate to see: People, who want to leave first the church, then God when things go awry in life.

There are different factors. Once it was school work and fallen trust in friendship. Another time it was a job not acquired. Yet another time it was the people issue again.

There are many reasons given too:

The church isn't for me. I don't belong.

He/she won't be happy to see me there.

God doesn't want me to have this.

I can't get along with the people there.

Some Christians just put me off.

Maybe later/next time.

I met many Christians with different issues - doubt, depression, trials in life, indiscipline. But it is those who have weak foundations are the ones who first decide to leave church. That's why I was particularly disappointed when someone, whom I thought had grown a lot through the years, told me that.

Christ alone is the solid rock. All other ground is sinking sand.

If you're a Christian and things happen, and you want to leave God - maybe all through this time you never knew Him. Because if you did, you will know that you're leaving the only One that can get you out of the mess. And if you did, you'll know that even if all is lost, you still have your foundation of faith - with Christ as the rock.

Many times when I address those words I sit back and think if I didn't put myself in people's shoes. Here's this girl who's life is as smooth-sailing as a ship in the calmest seas, who is she to comment on thunderstorms?

Believe it or not, I had my own issues of faith, especially these few years. I struggle every time I read my blog archives, when I said I'll trust God I wondered if I'm still the same person I was. Although my experiences are different from yours, and yours, and yours... I knew God was going to get me through them in the end. And He did, and He will.

So every time before you want to let go, think: What are you letting go off? Do you jump off the rock just to dive into the sinking sand, thinking that through this everything will be solved? Or would you cling to the rock?