It is another of those lame blog post titles again.
It has come to a point where I have to force myself to blog, to find something to write. Otherwise, I'll just rush through everyday without spending much time to reflect.
It it just so amazing that everything just comes forth, new thoughts and reflections, as I just take a little time to sit down and type before the keyboard.
I am actually trying to take a break now from writing one of my project reports. It's supposedly a simple one, and my group mates actually got all the ideas out already, but here I am wasting much time over it. I was trying to decide which format was the best to present it, but ended up using the one I started out with. Then it's re-organizing points and re-phrasing words, to make things sound less conversational. Hopefully I can get it done very soon.
I have found some more blogs to read, and have linked them all up into my reading list. :) I love reading blogs. This year I read blogs belonging to some more well-known bloggers as well as those of people I know. My current favorite is Cheeserland.com. Her writing style is generally amusing and she updates quite frequently.
Week 10 is here soon and the atmosphere is so stifling. I'm trying desperately to catch up with school work and many a time end up falling victim to sleep/sleeplessness. Oh what a messy life this is.
Bible Study last week was fun. :) The message was on Ruth, by John Piper. He said Ruth is a very good example how something really good may come out of a circumstance which showed everything is bad. I don't think I have a right to feel that there's such a circumstance in my life though, because there is always something bright here and there despite all the gloominess. And all this 'gloominess' is actually not very much worth mentioning about. If you tell anyone else, that you're a student, and all you worry about is your studies, I guess it's just a very minor thing. But if it's so minor why do we get stressed up over it?
I guess I should be very thankful that this is what I'm stressed over and not some other overwhelmingly distressing issues like health, family, relationships, and maybe even $$$. But even if it's those, I think somehow there will always be reasons to give thanks, and there will always people who will have been through worse.
I'm in Year 3 now, and I'm still seeking a direction. I wonder where it will lead to. But I know it will be good, though not necessarily easy.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
A Visit From Home
My grandparents came over to Singapore last weekend because my grandmother needs to have her bi-annual medical checkup. They stayed over at my uncle's house and I got to meet them twice - once on Sunday dinner, and another time during yesterday's lunch.
I haven't been to my uncle's house for quite some time due to busyness and such. Rachel had already lost her two front teeth, and grown them back out again since I last saw her. Jon was invited as well.
Dinner was wonderful. My aunt's culinary skills were excellent, as always. Jon said the soup was 'awesome' haha. Then before and after dinner, we watched 'Godzilla', while I was trying to teach Rachel do her maths. However, with the sound system at its best, it was really hard to get her to try and concentrate. I wasn't really concentrated on teaching myself.
My grandparents brought a whole load of things over. Most of them are food supplements, (they knew I was a frequent late-nighter) and they might have been really heavy to carry over. I was rather shocked at how much they cost in total. They always invest a lot on us :)
Lunch today was nice too. We had dim sum lunch at IMM in Jurong, with my 8th granduncle. Two of my cousins (Sarah and Maryjo) were there too. And Aunt Si Si who was working in IMM happened to choose to go to the same restaurant for lunch. So she got to talk to my grandparents too. It was very nice of her to come over our table to greet and chat with us, while her food was left at another table with her friends. Considering the time they talked it must have grown rather cold.
My grandparents are going home today. Was really glad to be able to meet up and talk, even though it wasn't very long a time. I wish I could do better in my studies so they don't have to worry so much about me in this aspect. But it seems like I'm just letting my health go downhill without achieving much. And my Numerical Methods test results were depressing (so don't ask).
Sometimes I wonder what is more important - to get a job I that is related to what I learn, so that my 4 year course over here would not be wasted; or to get one that I am actually able to be competent in, and excel in it. Some issues are too private and sensitive to be discussed in a public blog, so I won't elaborate much on it here. I just wonder what will become of me after I graduate. After flying high for so many years, it is hard to become mediocre, or to put it crudely - less than mediocre. I know there's more in me yet, and maybe it just needs more pushing to come out.
I'm already assigned to a company for industrial attachment next year, and I am hoping for 6 months of working hard, studying hard, giving my best and enjoying it. I wonder how much potential in myself I can tap into now, for I think it is by God's providence I found a job description that allows me use more of the skills I have unofficially acquired these years, as non-engineering as they seem.
Although they don't say it, I know there are expectations of me from home. My family never tries to push me too far, fearing that I will someday break myself. From all the feedback I've been getting from everyone, only my mum is trying to stretch me as near to my limits as possible. This I see again and again, as I read her past emails to me, and it is the my main motivation to go as far as I can. Daddy has never said or commented too much about my results, but from the one or two questions he asks, I know he is concerned about how I will fare after I graduate and compete in the job market with my fellow graduates. My grandparents always ask me to take things slow and easy, but I know my grandfather wants to see me doing my best too.
Studying and trying to excel is so hard, especially at 3-4 am in the morning when you're sleepy and want to get some rest; especially when you look at your gradebook and know you've not been doing enough. It's like running a race where you'll never catch up, but you'll still have to run, because of the people cheering you on. Expectations are what stress me up, but they are also what that push me on. Expectations both said, and unsaid. (But I really do appreciate those unsaid expectations. The fact that they are unsaid althought they are still there.)
Another thing I fear is as I strive hard to work towards meeting my family's expectations, I forget about meeting the expectations of the Lord. To spend time to love, and live, and labour for treasures that are eternal. To spare some thought for the person next to me, instead of wondering how my peers study so well, and how I can be like them. To stop my own building projects of my so-called future and career, to pause and spend time with Him, to pursue a future He holds for me with peace.
I have changed so much after I came here. I don't know if it's for better or for worse, but there's still a passion for the things of the Lord that I wish to revive.
I haven't been to my uncle's house for quite some time due to busyness and such. Rachel had already lost her two front teeth, and grown them back out again since I last saw her. Jon was invited as well.
Dinner was wonderful. My aunt's culinary skills were excellent, as always. Jon said the soup was 'awesome' haha. Then before and after dinner, we watched 'Godzilla', while I was trying to teach Rachel do her maths. However, with the sound system at its best, it was really hard to get her to try and concentrate. I wasn't really concentrated on teaching myself.
My grandparents brought a whole load of things over. Most of them are food supplements, (they knew I was a frequent late-nighter) and they might have been really heavy to carry over. I was rather shocked at how much they cost in total. They always invest a lot on us :)
Lunch today was nice too. We had dim sum lunch at IMM in Jurong, with my 8th granduncle. Two of my cousins (Sarah and Maryjo) were there too. And Aunt Si Si who was working in IMM happened to choose to go to the same restaurant for lunch. So she got to talk to my grandparents too. It was very nice of her to come over our table to greet and chat with us, while her food was left at another table with her friends. Considering the time they talked it must have grown rather cold.
My grandparents are going home today. Was really glad to be able to meet up and talk, even though it wasn't very long a time. I wish I could do better in my studies so they don't have to worry so much about me in this aspect. But it seems like I'm just letting my health go downhill without achieving much. And my Numerical Methods test results were depressing (so don't ask).
Sometimes I wonder what is more important - to get a job I that is related to what I learn, so that my 4 year course over here would not be wasted; or to get one that I am actually able to be competent in, and excel in it. Some issues are too private and sensitive to be discussed in a public blog, so I won't elaborate much on it here. I just wonder what will become of me after I graduate. After flying high for so many years, it is hard to become mediocre, or to put it crudely - less than mediocre. I know there's more in me yet, and maybe it just needs more pushing to come out.
I'm already assigned to a company for industrial attachment next year, and I am hoping for 6 months of working hard, studying hard, giving my best and enjoying it. I wonder how much potential in myself I can tap into now, for I think it is by God's providence I found a job description that allows me use more of the skills I have unofficially acquired these years, as non-engineering as they seem.
Although they don't say it, I know there are expectations of me from home. My family never tries to push me too far, fearing that I will someday break myself. From all the feedback I've been getting from everyone, only my mum is trying to stretch me as near to my limits as possible. This I see again and again, as I read her past emails to me, and it is the my main motivation to go as far as I can. Daddy has never said or commented too much about my results, but from the one or two questions he asks, I know he is concerned about how I will fare after I graduate and compete in the job market with my fellow graduates. My grandparents always ask me to take things slow and easy, but I know my grandfather wants to see me doing my best too.
Studying and trying to excel is so hard, especially at 3-4 am in the morning when you're sleepy and want to get some rest; especially when you look at your gradebook and know you've not been doing enough. It's like running a race where you'll never catch up, but you'll still have to run, because of the people cheering you on. Expectations are what stress me up, but they are also what that push me on. Expectations both said, and unsaid. (But I really do appreciate those unsaid expectations. The fact that they are unsaid althought they are still there.)
Another thing I fear is as I strive hard to work towards meeting my family's expectations, I forget about meeting the expectations of the Lord. To spend time to love, and live, and labour for treasures that are eternal. To spare some thought for the person next to me, instead of wondering how my peers study so well, and how I can be like them. To stop my own building projects of my so-called future and career, to pause and spend time with Him, to pursue a future He holds for me with peace.
I have changed so much after I came here. I don't know if it's for better or for worse, but there's still a passion for the things of the Lord that I wish to revive.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Post Mid Terms, Pre-Project Submissions
I haven't been blogging for quite some time. Very, very busy. :(
Anyway, an update about things that happened. Raffles Hall's Mid-Autumn Festival Celebrations coincided neatly with my project submissions and mid-terms. It was suddenly pushed forward two whole weeks, and I have two different performances, and three songs to practice for. Had to compensate two weeks of practices for that, and it was certainly no joke. Working with people always takes in a lot of extra time and effort, especially when standards and expectations are high. But if it's a job well done, it has its rewards.
I performed one song for The Rugged Hallways (aka the hall band), and Chamber Music Ensemble. Yanlei is nice to work with, and though her violin skills are not perfect, it's inspiring and heart warming to see the effort she puts into her practices and her performances. We played Cheng Li de Yue Guang and Luo Ye Gui Gen, which is a sure hit if we don't do it too badly, because everybody likes the song, and it's highly popularized. Had a bit of trouble getting all the chords out though - I couldn't find any online. For Band we performed Helpless When She Smiles by Backstreet Boys. It's the first time I'm playing this kind of 'noisy' song for band, and it's a totally new experience.
I played safe in all my performances but still made mistakes in counting and in one or two chords. Sam commented that my playing is too 'standard', which is both a good and bad thing. Trouble is, I have been performing for the third year in hall by now and still get stage fright (even in hall). Hence, I don't dare to be too adventurous in case something goes wrong. Playing songs of different genre (the Chinese songs were the quiet and soothing kind), kind of got me confused also. I shall not try this again next time. That night, I had to do event reporting for Phoenix Press as well, so going down for the celebrations was really killing three birds with one stone. Or maybe it was four birds, as I told Tirza, because the fourth is myself. I'm behind all my lectures by two weeks! And I have to really force myself to go out to attend tutorials. That's why I'm tired and falling sick on and off now. But at this point of time, my health is back to normal.
The Dynamics project took me a very long time to complete - and it was supposed to be not that difficult. Oh well, at least I get have a hand in most things related in the project this time - with help from Jon, Yew Hong, and a very handy tip from Benjamin (most grateful for that). Now is the tedious part of making the report look nice and complete. After that I'll have to do my lab report and maths homework, and catch up with all my webcast, and learn HYSYS properly. Hopefully that could be done before the finals come. It's not too many weeks away. And yes, there's three more projects (not including this one I'm nearly done with), three more tests and two more presentations to prepare for, before the finals. I haven't included my CCA activities in the list yet.
I went for an interview last Monday and was accepted by Eben Consultants. It is located in Bukit Batok which is very near NUS, so that's a plus point. It means I won't have to wake up at 5-6 am everyday to get to work, which is a good thing. I hope I can learn much from this attachment. I know it's not top-notch like Shell or Esso, but then again, I am well aware of where I stand in the academic food-chain, CAP-wise. In fact, I consider myself very fortunate to be accepted by this company, because it does most of the things I feel I would be more interested in - more towards business, safety and quality control. Hopefully I can cope with both my work and studies next semester. I'm taking two modules on top of my work, and one of them is supposed to be an elective related to my core, so it's not going to be easy.
I don't know why I'm suddenly inserting this here: but I think I'm rather disappointed with the quality of my news event article written for Phoenix Press. I made a mistake in writing down the name of one of the songs performed, and the flow of the report is too methodological to be interesting. As a senior, I should have inserted some more interesting comments/analysis of the situation but at that point of time, my mind was blank, or rather, stuffed with details of my project that I just wanted to finish my event report quickly. Hope I do a better job next time.
Anyway, an update about things that happened. Raffles Hall's Mid-Autumn Festival Celebrations coincided neatly with my project submissions and mid-terms. It was suddenly pushed forward two whole weeks, and I have two different performances, and three songs to practice for. Had to compensate two weeks of practices for that, and it was certainly no joke. Working with people always takes in a lot of extra time and effort, especially when standards and expectations are high. But if it's a job well done, it has its rewards.
I performed one song for The Rugged Hallways (aka the hall band), and Chamber Music Ensemble. Yanlei is nice to work with, and though her violin skills are not perfect, it's inspiring and heart warming to see the effort she puts into her practices and her performances. We played Cheng Li de Yue Guang and Luo Ye Gui Gen, which is a sure hit if we don't do it too badly, because everybody likes the song, and it's highly popularized. Had a bit of trouble getting all the chords out though - I couldn't find any online. For Band we performed Helpless When She Smiles by Backstreet Boys. It's the first time I'm playing this kind of 'noisy' song for band, and it's a totally new experience.
I played safe in all my performances but still made mistakes in counting and in one or two chords. Sam commented that my playing is too 'standard', which is both a good and bad thing. Trouble is, I have been performing for the third year in hall by now and still get stage fright (even in hall). Hence, I don't dare to be too adventurous in case something goes wrong. Playing songs of different genre (the Chinese songs were the quiet and soothing kind), kind of got me confused also. I shall not try this again next time. That night, I had to do event reporting for Phoenix Press as well, so going down for the celebrations was really killing three birds with one stone. Or maybe it was four birds, as I told Tirza, because the fourth is myself. I'm behind all my lectures by two weeks! And I have to really force myself to go out to attend tutorials. That's why I'm tired and falling sick on and off now. But at this point of time, my health is back to normal.
The Dynamics project took me a very long time to complete - and it was supposed to be not that difficult. Oh well, at least I get have a hand in most things related in the project this time - with help from Jon, Yew Hong, and a very handy tip from Benjamin (most grateful for that). Now is the tedious part of making the report look nice and complete. After that I'll have to do my lab report and maths homework, and catch up with all my webcast, and learn HYSYS properly. Hopefully that could be done before the finals come. It's not too many weeks away. And yes, there's three more projects (not including this one I'm nearly done with), three more tests and two more presentations to prepare for, before the finals. I haven't included my CCA activities in the list yet.
I went for an interview last Monday and was accepted by Eben Consultants. It is located in Bukit Batok which is very near NUS, so that's a plus point. It means I won't have to wake up at 5-6 am everyday to get to work, which is a good thing. I hope I can learn much from this attachment. I know it's not top-notch like Shell or Esso, but then again, I am well aware of where I stand in the academic food-chain, CAP-wise. In fact, I consider myself very fortunate to be accepted by this company, because it does most of the things I feel I would be more interested in - more towards business, safety and quality control. Hopefully I can cope with both my work and studies next semester. I'm taking two modules on top of my work, and one of them is supposed to be an elective related to my core, so it's not going to be easy.
I don't know why I'm suddenly inserting this here: but I think I'm rather disappointed with the quality of my news event article written for Phoenix Press. I made a mistake in writing down the name of one of the songs performed, and the flow of the report is too methodological to be interesting. As a senior, I should have inserted some more interesting comments/analysis of the situation but at that point of time, my mind was blank, or rather, stuffed with details of my project that I just wanted to finish my event report quickly. Hope I do a better job next time.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Back to School and Exams
Recess week was just over, and the beginning of a new school week was celebrated with Process Dynamics mid terms. I don't know what I did, again it was a state of blurriness and a mad rush for time as I struggled to lift concepts from my text book into the answer sheet. (It was an open book test.) I will be having another test on Numerical Methods this Friday.
I suppose it was due to the test and on-off sleeping for two nights running. I developed a headache at the side of my head today afternoon. Fortunately it didn't come till way after my test. I couldn't even fall asleep when it came because it hurt when I rested my head on the pillow and caused me to cough a lot because I was feeling nauseous. In the end I had to take Panadol to ease the pain while falling asleep. I took a good long 4 hour plus nap (thanks Tirza for packing my food) and woke up finding that the headache was gone. Feeling much better now. However, this means that I didn't study for the whole day and I have to mug through the night again. This is a terrible vicious cycle. I wonder if my grades are actually worth this much, but judging by how high the school fees and expectations are... I think the least I can do is try not to do too badly each time.
Yeh Yeh has just revived his blog again after a long winter of hibernation. Pretty long entries he has written too and I was encouraged by them today. :) Lately there are so many reminders for me that I haven't been placing priority in things that matter. The preaching in church about the end times that are drawing near. My own daily devotional about the warnings God gave the wayward people through the old testemant prophets. Jon's praying session with me. And things happening in Campus as well as issues brought up during Bible study.
Jesus coming again is not that far away as we're in the times we're in now. And even as the Bible said he will come suddenly, in a blink of an eye, with no one expecting it; we can't say death will give us the chance to expect it by either. As I lay in bed with a headache today, I thought about how my mum had just fallen in coma in her sleep before she left us, and I wondered for a while (well you do think of things like that when you're not feeling well) if I'll just fall asleep and not wake up again either. Things like that will just leave you unprepared, and right now I'd just be too ashamed to face God and say that my whole life is just centered on studies and exams, preparing for a career, that I might not even live to pursue, forsaking more important things that matter.
I can't remember the rest of the lyrics of this song haha. It's the midnight hour of the age of man. Prepare, prepare to meet Him in the clouds.
To someone who just told me she couldn't put down a death - if this helps, perhaps as the times of separation grow shorter, we should no longer quake for the death, but for the living; and for our own selves. Looking forward and no longer looking behind, running for the goal. The right goal.
NUS and its competitiveness has made me love and hate it so. But most importantly, I find it a battleground that has taught me so many things through my weaknesses. For it is through that in our weakness we're made strong. It taught me not to be puffed up, to accept myself as who I am, be it superior or inferior to others. It taught me that responsibilities are important, but not to the extent that I sell my soul chasing after the wrong things. I'll try not to make such a big hoo-hah about exams and just let them be part of my life. And trust God to guide me through and prepare the way ahead for me after doing my best. And doing my best means not compromise other more important things for the books and do just enough for what I should be doing.
I suppose it was due to the test and on-off sleeping for two nights running. I developed a headache at the side of my head today afternoon. Fortunately it didn't come till way after my test. I couldn't even fall asleep when it came because it hurt when I rested my head on the pillow and caused me to cough a lot because I was feeling nauseous. In the end I had to take Panadol to ease the pain while falling asleep. I took a good long 4 hour plus nap (thanks Tirza for packing my food) and woke up finding that the headache was gone. Feeling much better now. However, this means that I didn't study for the whole day and I have to mug through the night again. This is a terrible vicious cycle. I wonder if my grades are actually worth this much, but judging by how high the school fees and expectations are... I think the least I can do is try not to do too badly each time.
Yeh Yeh has just revived his blog again after a long winter of hibernation. Pretty long entries he has written too and I was encouraged by them today. :) Lately there are so many reminders for me that I haven't been placing priority in things that matter. The preaching in church about the end times that are drawing near. My own daily devotional about the warnings God gave the wayward people through the old testemant prophets. Jon's praying session with me. And things happening in Campus as well as issues brought up during Bible study.
Jesus coming again is not that far away as we're in the times we're in now. And even as the Bible said he will come suddenly, in a blink of an eye, with no one expecting it; we can't say death will give us the chance to expect it by either. As I lay in bed with a headache today, I thought about how my mum had just fallen in coma in her sleep before she left us, and I wondered for a while (well you do think of things like that when you're not feeling well) if I'll just fall asleep and not wake up again either. Things like that will just leave you unprepared, and right now I'd just be too ashamed to face God and say that my whole life is just centered on studies and exams, preparing for a career, that I might not even live to pursue, forsaking more important things that matter.
Keep thy fire burning
The fire of your faith
The Master is coming
The hour is too late
The battle grows stronger
He told us it would
But Christ is the victor
Will be understood
The fire of your faith
The Master is coming
The hour is too late
The battle grows stronger
He told us it would
But Christ is the victor
Will be understood
I can't remember the rest of the lyrics of this song haha. It's the midnight hour of the age of man. Prepare, prepare to meet Him in the clouds.
To someone who just told me she couldn't put down a death - if this helps, perhaps as the times of separation grow shorter, we should no longer quake for the death, but for the living; and for our own selves. Looking forward and no longer looking behind, running for the goal. The right goal.
NUS and its competitiveness has made me love and hate it so. But most importantly, I find it a battleground that has taught me so many things through my weaknesses. For it is through that in our weakness we're made strong. It taught me not to be puffed up, to accept myself as who I am, be it superior or inferior to others. It taught me that responsibilities are important, but not to the extent that I sell my soul chasing after the wrong things. I'll try not to make such a big hoo-hah about exams and just let them be part of my life. And trust God to guide me through and prepare the way ahead for me after doing my best. And doing my best means not compromise other more important things for the books and do just enough for what I should be doing.
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