LKK

We had our LKK Getai performance two days ago! LKK = Lao Kok Kok by the way, a term coined by Raffles Hall Final Years, for ourselves.

It was fun to work with our Block 6 Gang again (that's how we coined the gang in Year 1). Not everyone who was originally inside is still around. And there were some of us who joined in and somehow we formed this big group and we did a skit to spoof on certain key hall personnel. I loved the fact that we all got to work together to prepare something like this.

At first I thought the performance was going to be horribly lame - mainly because we lack contributions of talented script writers. Piang did the front part, and I did the back part (that was the lame part) on the Q&A. I am not made to write witty dialogues, at least not formally on paper. I still remember in Year One where Boss mentioned that it was a pity that my sabo skills did not make its way into my writings for RH-Ed. The articles I wrote were very descriptive, but however, boringly politically correct.

Anyway, the audience liked our performance! Thanks to everyone who let their hair down. It is something I still can't do, despite it being my fourth year in RH. But I really do admire people who can do so.

I really admired the spirit of those who contributed a whole lot of time and effort to our Getai. It required sacrifice, and it was that sacrifice that brought about its success. I remembered poor Gant and Brian leading the meeting despite the reluctant expressions of our semi-bored seniors. It is really because of people putting effort into hall, that hall can reach new heights every year.

I collected my Phoenix Magazine today. It had three (lengthy) articles of mine inside. My writing style had not evolved much from Year One. That was why I thought it was more apt for me to write for Phoenix rather than RH Ed. But it seemed like now RH Ed has evolved to adopt political correctness also, and is now part of Phoenix. However, I saw one distinct difference from the way I write now, than the way I used to write. Instead of merely shedding stuff in a positive light, my thoughts are more critical now than it used to be. The difference is really very subtle, but I really felt it was there as I read through my writings.

My favorite part of the magazine must have to be the two pages nearing the end where Pei Yiing drew a two page spread of her design memories in hall. Those colors and pictures really brought back a line of memories since Year One, and it should be even more so for her as they reflected her actual experiences. The pages where the Final Year comments really left me thinking: What is hall to me now... and how has it shaped my life?

I have detached myself from Hall too long to answer this question, although I am physically within it. Hall is merely a definition of the memories between me and my close block mates; as well as the friends I made through activities, some who are still in Hall, others who are not. As I approach my last semester in Hall, should I play my role differently to be more involved, or just stick within the little circle I'm comfortable in? I'm still not sure. Uni life is a tug-of-war of commitments and priorities. I need much wisdom to make the right choices.

More Potentials

Was just thinking today that I had the makings of a good secretary. I'm starting to become my supervisor's personal organizer. Up to the point that I can now guess contents of docs I don't even have access to in the first place.

How much pay does a secretary earn? Not that I think I'll end up being one, but if I could, I won't mind.

Anyway, I've been thinking that I'm now looking at things from the wrong perspectives. All this lateral focus is killing me. Where's my upward focus? Once I think up, every burdened is lightened. But I always, forget, to think upwards. Until today when I got this packet of tissues at the MRT stop advertising Pastor Tang's evangelistic meetings. I didn't feel like going, but it reminded me, God is there, God is in charge, and my thoughts and actions these days were too self-centered to be worthy of being His child.

I need to focus on the right thing, once again. And then petty little things like academics and the future won't matter anymore, because what matters most, need to matter most to me.

Another nice thing that blessed my heart this week, is that I can't help noticing and feeling, how sweet some of my colleagues were :) This is pretty random. But life is always prettier with random little observations like this.

And my spirits were lifted today because I actually managed to finish reading up some articles for my downstream processing essay. Sigh. Give me research papers over patents any time. Patents are just so horrible to read.

The Other Side You Never See

A line I've always heard since primary school is this: 你会生气的咩?

I've seen a lot of people get angry, but not many people has really seen me in full blast of anger, except Jon, and my family members. I don't think Daddy or my grandparents have seen it before. Mummy has seen my anger, but not directed towards her, but my sisters. Dawn and Mable has experienced it before, since it is impossible for siblings not to quarrel. But after they grew up (especially these few years) we don't quarrel any more. Now the only person I quarrel with (sometimes), is Jon.

Now please don't misunderstand that Jon is the major irritant of my life. In fact it's just the opposite because we always get things resolved after quarreling and it brings us closer to each other. But these years of the lack of anger expression has robbed me of my ability to clear things upfront with people. I get upset, irritated, and angry; but I don't respond because I don't know how another person's response will be.

This is actually a rather toxic response - because other people won't actually know that I'm offended, and they take me for granted, emotionally. Because Gail is never angry, they forget to be emotionally sensitive in that sense. I show other emotions like tiredness, frustration, beh-song ness but seldom anger, especially to the person I am directly communicating with. But I do feel angry, sometimes. What can you say? I'm a girl and girls are brimming with emotions. So people, please remember that I have XX chromosomes and particular hormones in my body making me capable of anger too (but thankfully not aggression).

My grandmother always says: 家姐好好脾气 (Gail has a good temper, in Cantonese). Yes I am never, irritated with grown-ups in my family because I feel deeply indebted towards them, and they seldom misjudge me. But to others, the 'good temper' probably means just 'good anger management'. Or prevention of explosion. Or even hiding the fact that the volcano is boiling inside.

This is probably the only post I'm going to write with the component 'anger' inside. I always stop myself when I want to write posts scolding people. But one has to have an outlet somewhere, and here it is - only I don't mention names and events; but if you understand, you understand.

Yesterday we had in class this article "I'm nice, but I'm not dumb'. Yes I don't get frustrated, or scold people easily, but it doesn't mean that your toes should be the only ones I'm careful treading around. I have toes too. And it doesn't mean that if I'm your friend, and I'm covering up for the work you should have done - I do it willingly for you. I understand that people have commitments, but don't people realize that people who do extra have commitments too? Only they are mindful of the commitments of others' and do not delay their work so that everyone else's work gets delayed?

This is what I want to say, but can't say. This week is really brimming with work. LKK practices for next Tuesday. Drug essay which I've barely started reading up. HR project just submitted and presentation to be prepared for thus eating up my whole Sunday (last min LKK rehearsal at night too) when I'm supposed to be chiong that essay last minute.

LKK would have been very fun, if not for all the commitments that come crashing in at the same time. But I'm thankful that people have been understanding - especially SY: whom I know has a lot of things in hand too, but is willing to lead the group and make sure things are done properly. Thank God for Prof. Lee and Bevan too who have urgent needs for their paper but still bother to make room to account for Mei & I's exams. And for my supervisor, who gives compliments generously with no 'buts' at the end, and cares enough to ask about my exams and stuff. It's these little people in life who let you hold on, through horrible weeks like this.

An ending note: This is probably the most horrible post I'll ever write, and maybe I'll regret posting this at all. So please don't take things seriously after reading, but one take-home point to remember. Gail is a girl with relevant hormones, pimples and a heavy workload in a kiasu environment; is cranky, needs to sleep and can't get enough sleep, so sometimes she can get emo and angry too.

And ya, I still don't mind doing extra for projects - but sometimes, people need to show appreciation, in some form or other.

Last RH Concert + Handwritten Notes + Other Stuff

Just went for my last RH concert (I think). A bit too chim for me to understand, but thank goodness Wiki exists, and Piang Piang too. Now I get most of the play I think it was pretty well-adapted. Just couldn't get used to the native accents of some of the cast, as well as grasp the meaning of the play. But it's still a change - for once RH concert had quite some thought provoking stuff.

Liked the nice dinner/supper after that too :D

But I don't like the test that's still in store for me to mug. Next week it's a horribly busy week. Whole week packed with tests, submissions, preparation for submissions, and our RH special project. Ugh.

Anyway I got the promised nice handwritten note from my Mysterious Senior yesterday. Haha! Sorry for always checking my mails late. :S It's nice getting handwritten stuff, and hand-made stuff with drawings. :D