God is Sovereign

There are plenty of people who think that the God is harsh, big-headed, mean and dominating. Not to mention a killjoy. Probably because God judges sin, demands obedience, and demands worship. 

That's the danger of a man-centered gospel, I feel. When man thinks that he is the center of God's universe, and that God should so love him to send His own son to save him, the image of a benevolent, doting God is conjured. But when they realize that they are to take up their crosses to follow Jesus, God instantly becomes the big bully on the play ground, wanting to have everything 'His way', toying us puny beings around His little finger. 

People like to press 'human rights' upon God because they often forget - God is not human. God is God. The creator, the maker of human beings. God is sovereign. 

It's just like a potter who makes a vessel using clay. Is it therefore right for the clay to complain to the potter? The Bible says: "You turn things upside down, as if the potter were thought to be like the clay! Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, 'You did not make me?' Can the pot say to the potter 'You know nothing'? (Isa 29: 16). Can the pot claim to want equal treatments with its maker? And who is man to demand 'respect', demand 'rights', or even demand love from God? 

Man has no right for such demand. Should God decide to damn the world He made to judgment in hell for their disobedience (just like potter could destroy hardened clay), who is to say it is not fair? If a judge sentences a murderer to death, or demands a fine from one who speeds on the road - can anyone say that the judge is not fair? And should not the Judge of all the earth do what is right (Gen 18: 25)? The Bible says that the wages of sin is death (Rom 6: 23). Should we not deserve the wages towards a work we have worked a lifetime towards? Is that not fair? Yet God is hated for being fair.

We say it's not fair because our sins are just little things! Not murdering or kidnapping, or nasty things like that. A little white lie here. A little envy there. A little cowardice not to do the right thing. But in the same manner, murderers do not always think they have done wrong! Nor do people who drive past the speed limit. Nor to husbands who abuse their wives. If everything is based on the perception of the crime instigator, law and order is doomed. Who decides what is right and what is wrong? The law. And who wrote the God's law? God did. Who judges? God.

Should not a King deserve to demand loyalty from his subjects? A country from her citizens? A master from his servants? How about God from His created beings? Is God wrong to demand the worship He deserves? Does that mean God is arrogant? Or is it human beings, the created pots who are arrogant towards the potter, thinking that they are on par with Him? Thinking they know better, they deserve better? 

The Bible says "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, so that whomsoever believes shall not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3: 16). Judgement is deserved, but grace is not. Grace is given because of love. Commandments are given so that we can have life. And Jesus died for us while we were yet sinners, while we were still enemies of God (Romans 5: 10). What a love! What a cost! What an undeserving exchange. For through Jesus, not only our sins are cleansed by His blood (1 John 1: 7), but we are credited His own righteousness (Romans 4: 22-25). We are saved not by the good works we've done on earth, for the Bible says they are but filthy rags (Isa 64: 6). We are saved because Jesus gave us His righteousness.

Should not such a God demand worship? Should not such a God demand love and obedience? Should you not trust in the heart of the God who loved you so?

Gatherings

The past two weeks have really been a volley of awesome-max get-togethers.

Wai Pheng and Wan Meng visited us last Saturday. It was my night shift so Jon woke me up just in time to get ready for dinner in the evening, and he cooked a storm. So we had nice dinner with oyster, sashimi, vege and pasta. Then Wai Pheng who was supposed to bring some 'snacks' over got us 10 bowls of 'Lao Ban' bean curd (the kind which had a jelly-like texture, my favorite), lots of chicken wing and otah, some kuih, and drinks! Even with Boss' help, and Geri and JonC coming over, we couldn't finish all the food. But it was a fun gathering. My only regret was after the heavy dinner, I was so sleepy that I retired to the bedroom to sleep for an hour plus in order to make sure I stay awake for night shift. Boss and Wai Pheng walked with me to the MRT later to work.

Then last Thursday, Jon, Jerome, Wen Qiao and myself went to Subway for dinner! It was a housemates outing. Yew Hong couldn't make it due to his ending work late, but thankfully we had another gathering with full housemate attendance for soba dinner the week before. Jon and I shared a foot long egg-mayo subway which reminded me of the good old days in NUS, when there are student discounts during exam week, and after a satisfying meal it's time to mug. I just can't describe the feeling of having no mugging to 'look forward' to prior to finishing my subway! We took lots of group pics too. 

Then today! We went USS as a farewell outing with Simon. There was an issue with the tickets which delayed us from entering for almost an hour but I just want to say that Justin and Stacey has been so responsible and gracious and everything throughout the whole ordeal that I almost burst into tears on the spot. Anyway, the rides were fun (although as usual, I had to chicken out on the terrifying roller coasters), and although the queue times were relatively long, USS has been very thoughtful in designing their queue areas, making the queue itself part the ride experience too. 

My favorite ride (and everyone's favorite I suppose), was the 4D simulation Transformers ride. Everyone should try it (provided you are not pregnant, don't have high blood pressure, motion sickness etc). It was very well executed, the story line was exciting and the experience very realistic. One thing different from the Genting Resort world was also USS has divided its park into very clear-cut themes (Genting has themes too but not as much) such as Hollywood, Egypt, Madagascar, Far Far Away and Science-Fi. The decorations and settings were very intentionally designed, and attention paid to very small artistic details. The staff were mostly very young (late teens, early twenties)  but capable of handling work (level of English articulation has much room for improvement though). There are also multiple shows and parades. You can just spend the whole day there being on the go, if you have the stamina. 

Overall I would recommend USS as a place to go in Singapore for first timers! It's a bit pricey especially on weekends like this, the queue is long, but the experience and the effort put in by the producers who invested in this place makes things worth it. Everywhere I see effort and creativity, and these are the things that I appreciate a lot. Also, go with good company so as to make things extra fun! :)

Next Stop: Ghim Moh

Will be moving to 4 Ghim Moh Road at the end of August.

I'm super relieved that this house hunting thingy is over without too much financial impact. Rental expenses is definitely going to hike as compared to now (think extra $150 - $200 per month!), but seriously, it's already much better than what I had expected. And living space is going to be half of our current place too, so you can imagine what a good bargain we've been getting out of 30 J Kovan. 

But at least, we skipped agent fees, I got myself a nice roomie (Alicia), our new place is free from traffic noise, has fresh air, near bus stops, near good food, and near Shop & Save. Most of all, I cut down around an hour's travelling time a day (plus another 30 bucks a month) travelling to work. I look forward to that. Poor Jerome has increased travelling time though. 

I will miss 30 J Kovan though. It's been awesome staying here. The neighbours are OK, and the environment is nice. The house is big. And there's Wen Qiao and Yew Hong, which I will miss, has housemates and as a roomie. I will miss WQ's scolding Jerome and Jon too haha. And all of us saying and doing stupid things together.

And I will miss Kovan Hub which is where I take a coach home. Now if I want to go home I'll need to take a 30 min trip to Bugis or Woodlands to the train checkpoint which is even further away. Will miss Nex which I always shop. Will miss the red chairs and orange sofa, and the big orange curtain, which make such cheerful furniture. 

Hmmm. There are pros and cons with the move. But it has to be done anyway. Thank God for this new place which is also near Andrew and Rachel. 

I can take one more

This is what I'm constantly thinking about in lab when it's very busy. I always look at what everyone has to do and ask myself: Can I take one more thing into my hands? Many months ago, I answered this question with a huge buffer in mind. I would take that one extra thing and have this much time to spare, just in case anything crops up. 

But now it's the opposite. I take this extra thing up and find that I can't cope with it after all.

**rant starts**

Today it felt just like that. Just when I have managed my emotions from work, I'm back home with another piece of news: Our landlord's daughter apparently had some mis-communication with him and wants to move in next month. We have to move out in August. Meanwhile we'll all cram together, seven in the house for July. 

Which means that the dreadful house-hunting process is going to begin all over again. Seriously, after job hunting I was beginning to feel that house hunting is the next terrible thing ever. The feeling of waiting for something you want but is always out of reach. Despite many agents bugging me on my phone during work hours and my weird sleep hours and all (which is superlatively irritating), none of them seem to come up with an affordable deal. 

And then we thought we could stay until near end of the year, and I was so relieved to send messages to those agents letting them know that the house-hunt has been halted. End of phone calls during inconvenient hours. Temporal end to hours of net-surfing and cold calls. And visiting properties. And now instead of having one month to do it, I only have half the time, especially since Jon and myself are flying to Philippines next month.

And then. Work. I've always prided myself for being emotionally sturdy but I couldn't get over today, until I had the end of the day to settle down. One wrong septum put into a vial cap by me out of almost a hundred had set off an unexpected chain of reactions and resulted in a lab investigation. I don't think my supervisor put me as directly responsible for it although I confessed later but I still feel bad for not focusing. It was very busy and I actually forgot that I had to focus even on small little things like this.

Also the feeling of not being liked, or being thought responsible for something I was not. I thought I was strong enough to handle things like this. But it turns out that I'm not. I can easily harden myself, but it will also make me hardened towards other people. Is it better to remain vulnerable and sensitive, and risk getting hurt like this? I can't dislike people, I can't, and I won't. But I keep small little things in my heart that is not healthy. That I cannot help.

I actually straightened this out on the bus on the way back, but then it came back with the move-out news. Which I kind of took in a daze just like the way I do when lab work comes crashing down in a mountain-load. You just feel like, come what may, come what might, I don't care any more. I don't care how my rental is going to hike, how far I'm going to travel to work the next time we move. I just want it done and over, and pay my bills every month.

And yet I feel very selfish because now everyone is being very kind and helpful and recommending nice agents and stuff. And Jon and Jerome are already working on problem-solving, and I know this is super stressful for them too. Poor Alicia has to move twice also. And oh, the big bad problem of MOVING our things looms in the not-so-far horizon. 

**rant over**

So the problem(s) are stated as above, vaguely or otherwise. The solution is easy, the same one I always think when I see status messages on Facebook, short versions of my rants above everyday. Why are you a Christian and you are still complaining? Why don't you start having faith and depending on God? Why do you know that God is for you and no one can be against you, yet you moan and groan? Why do you look out for strength from outside, when all you need is in the inside?

Yes that's me. Knowing solutions but having problems with application. 

You know, after thinking through, the solution is actually obvious. It's not whether I can take one more load or not. It's whether I can put down one more. And another. And all. And trust.

I was so upset today. And I was telling myself: that I am different, I shouldn't be reacting the same way as other people with the same problem. Because I have God. That's why I can afford to be vulnerable. That's why I can be honest. That's why I can take things up, not complain when things go wrong, always be joyful, always be thankful.

Simon always says knowledge goes from the head to the heart. Thank God for that for even now at this moment when i remember the promises from His Word which never fails, I feel that returning. The thankfulness. The joyfulness. The dependence that when I have nowhere to go, up is always the place to look. That He is able although I am weak. And nothing goes without His permission, and all things work for the good of those who love Him.

And right now, this moment. I am just putting all those aside and thanking Him for being Him. For unlike my momentary fleeting feeling of being 'all alone' earlier, I realize that I am not. He is always there for me, and for those who love Him. And even now He is with me through all these kind people who are trying to make the move a little easier, and through the little things I can do for people to make their day and mine a little better. 

The problems still exist. But because I know who my God is, they are merely opportunities to make me grow. Thank you God for loving me.