Jesus I My Cross Have Taken

I just emailed my home church pastor to tell him that Dawn and I would like to present The Power of the Cross on Palm Sunday. He said later on that he had listened to the song and it was meaningful and 'tough'. I'm not sure if he meant 'tough' to be the vocab used in the lyrics or the song held deep meaning?

Anyway it led me to think of another song that James said was really tough to sing when he led in worship, and it's because to sing this song really challenges our commitment to Christ, and it really means living by faith (and only by faith) each day. It's a very meaningful song and I thank God for the song wright, every line and every verse of this very long song holds such weight, none of it was lightly written. 

To see Christ as most precious beyond anything else in the world. To see Christ as most secure more than anything in the world. To please Christ rather than to please man. To welcome suffering and even pray for suffering if only Christ's glory be shown. And above all these, be rejoicing, rejoicing and rejoicing because of the Godly assurance of having Christ.

It's difficult, but it's worth it. And it's never too difficult for us. So true, oh, so true.

Jesus, I my cross have taken,

All to leave and follow Thee;

Destitute, despised, forsaken,

Thou from hence my All shalt be.

Perish every fond ambition,

All I've sought or hoped or known;

Yet how rich is my condition!

God and heaven are still my own.

Let the world despise and leave me,

They have left my Savior, too.

Human hearts and looks deceive me;

Thou art not, like them, untrue.

And while Thou shalt smile upon me,

God of wisdom, love, and might,

Foes may hate and friends may shun me;

Show Thy face, and all is bright.

Go, then, earthly fame and treasure!

Come, disaster, scorn, and pain!

In Thy service, pain is pleasure;

With Thy favor, loss is gain.

I have called Thee Abba, Father!

I have stayed my heart on Thee.

Storms may howl, and clouds may gather,

All must work for good to me.

Man may trouble and distress me,

'Twill but drive me to Thy breast;

Life with trials hard may press me,

Heaven will bring me sweeter rest.

Oh, 'tis not in grief to harm me

While Thy love is left to me;

Oh, 'twere not in joy to charm me

Were that joy unmixed with Thee.

Take, my soul, thy full salvation;

Rise o'er sin and fear and care;

Joy to find in every station,

Something still to do or bear.

Think what Spirit dwells within thee,

What a Father's smile is thine,

What a Savior died to win thee;

Child of heaven, shouldst thou repine?

 Haste, then, on from grace to glory,

Armed by faith and winged by prayer;

Heaven's eternal day's before thee,

God's own hand shall guide thee there.

Soon shall close the earthly mission,

Swift shall pass thy pilgrim days,

Hope soon change to glad fruition,

Faith to sight, and prayer to praise.

Check mate

There was this period of my life when I was super into chess. Did loads of research on strategy and stuff. Thought I was good cz I always beat my grandfather until I grew older and he started to beat me without fail. Then only I knew the truth behind my so called wins.

I must say I have travelled a long way in chess. Learned many strategies, learned not to be careless but I had one persistent, lethal flaw. I could never checkmate promptly. Even when I was playing with 6 year old Mable I would eat up all her pieces and corner her and all. But it will take forever for that checkmate to come. (Sorry Mable. I was mean I know.)

This is my problem in chess and it never went away sometimes at the cost of the game. And in the same way I could never checkmate in life too. And the stakes are higher. Would it be too late when I finally stop that hesitating and planning and make that move?

Four years and counting

Jon just got his PR identity card number today. Which reminded me that I should check when I should renew mine. Fortunately this was easy to do as the date of issue was right behind the card. Next January it would be five years. Five years of PR-ship in Singapore. And up till now it's been five years of living in Singapore.

It's going to be harder and harder for foreigners over here to renew their five yearly stay. I know the White Paper says that there is going to be room made for more... But LKY's influence is going to come to pass one day. Replaced by younger politicians with strong sentiments having grown up to compete all the way with foreigners. Politicians who may feel for locals being ousted by their foreign competitors, who dislike having to share their facilities, who think it's unfair for people to treat Singapore like a giant multi national company that they could just come and leave.

There are many of these young people. And I do not say they are wrong. And I understand where they are coming from. And I also realize that PR-ship is akin to fence sitting: meaning that I draw the line to which how much I want to contribute to Singapore.

To me Singapore is not just 'the place I earn my money'. I have grown to love the way of life here, appreciate it's history and growth and tried to make sense of its political state and its people. I hope that by and by I would be able to do more for the community, for the economy and for the people around me coming from different countries. I have always wondered what I would choose if one day it all boils down to two alternatives: stay as a citizen, or leave as a foreigner. No PR fence sitting and half hearted commitments. Would I stay or would I leave?

I know in one way or other I had grown affectionate to this little red dot but in what way? The way Lot loved the city of Sodom? The way Jacob served Eygpt? The way David loved Jerusalem? Or the way Daniel served in Babylon - loyally he served but never forgot who he was and where he was from.

Still the truth is - this world is not my home. I know I am called to serve in a place but where is my harvest field? I can wonder and ponder, but it is all about making every here and now count.

Off Rest Rest in Singapore

Last weekend was one of those rare non-working weekends which I don't go home because I've just gone back not too long ago.

Spent Friday sleeping then staying back for supper after Bread Talk at church. Miss suppers we haven't had them for a long time and I seldom get to go out with Campus peeps now. I was so glad we could stay back late together.

Then Saturday was board games afternoon at Jon's prof's house with his students. Learned new games and got beaten by his seven year old little boy. Smart kid he is, understanding all those complicated games and picking up how to strategize. Needs to work on the concentration though. Still he's already extremely good for a kid. I wish I had as many board games in the house. Could see them piles up everywhere - so exciting! Then at night I had dinner at Kow Fu's place. As usual they sent us home piled with goodies. :) And full to the brim.

Had another session of board games with Andrew Joanne Rachel JonC and Geri after church service and lunch. Then we dinnered and movied with Andrew and Joanne, then played sparklers with Rachel. It was a great weekend catching up with people whose schedules seem to always operate on a parallel universe with mine. Loved the block 6 gathering for the 3 in 1 birthday celebration too, although it was almost one month late.

I wonder how long would I still be stuck in this shift cycle. And work is changing me, am I so easily succumbed to external pressures? Disappointment from untrustworthiness, emotional fluctuations, negative attitudes, negative words. I seem to be picking all these up. How to be salt , how to be light if I let myself be conformed not transformed in Christ? The solution is not escape from this environment but making a difference to it.

And the answer to this is all in my identity in Christ and the love and forgiveness I have received. To rejoice in the hope He gave. To be patient in suffering and constant in prayer.