Jacky Cheung - 不老的傳說

Like this song :)

Last Academic Week in NUS

This is my last academic week in NUS - if not taking into account Reading Week and Exam Week(s) that follow.

My last class/tutorial ended this afternoon. It was Enzyme Tech. I think I learned lots from this module and although it could be a bit monotonous at times, the lecturer is generally interested in teaching well and providing value-added info on top of what we are studying. It's lecturers and teaching staff like this that I appreciate most and learn from the most.

Tomorrow - in fact today morning will be my final presentation in NUS. Hope we won't get shot down by the professors too much :) After that I will officially conk out as I won't be sleeping tonight.

I may graduate with a not-so-good honors but I don't think I regretted coming to NUS and wished to stay back in M'sia if I could have gotten a better CAP. I wouldn't have been stretched to this extent if so. I've worked with so many different people and learned from them, learned how to manage people, learned how to adjust expectations from people. Sometimes the academic environment is so dry and competitive that if grace and helpfulness and generosity were dew it will dry up under its harshness. Maintaining these values is so difficult when no one sees, no one cares, no one bothers; and in the end it costs you your grades, your time. I haven't been showing enough of this as I should. But I will learn to show them more.

Had my last performance with Quan in RH during Alumni Homecoming for Music Ensemble. We played You Raise Me Up (I played this with Jinq Horng last year). The key changes - D flat to E flat to E majors were horrible. But playing with a clarinet solo was a new experience, and Quan is quite interesting to duet with :) Fortunately we did OK. I wonder what will happen next time when I move out, and there's no more piano.

A short update

The worst of my design project is over; although the remaining sections on Mechanical Design and SHE are not easy too. At least submission is not one day before a test though.

Design wasn't really fun when you're getting weird results in your calculations. Yesterday Quyet, Michelle and I just spent five whole minutes laughing non-stop when we got an area of negative value for our column which was too big and fat. The past two weeks was horrible with me sleeping an average of 4 hours per day. Still I pigged all I could last week so I guess I can't be complaining now.

There's a test tomorrow too that I don't really feel like studying hard for. Which I should because my first mid-term results was below average. Don't really feel like sending in all those job apps too. Which I should too because I haven't been called for a single job-interview till date. But somehow I'm not worrying about that job. When it comes, it will come.

Working with people in a team isn't easy. We have a six-person team in design, all of which I have never worked with before. It is hard, when someone makes a careless mistake, or a wrong decision, and the whole team has to shoulder that outcome. To take consequences as a result of what other people do. And most of all, to maintain a loving, forgiving, understanding, and joyful spirit above everything. It's hard to do it, when all you want is to get a good grade, and keep that CAP where it should at least be.

Sometimes I don't know whether to be glad that I'm not the person causing all the probs (despite my CAP being the lowest among those in the team), or to be unhappy because I have to be pulled down when others are not careful enough, not punctual enough, not responsible enough, or have not researched enough, or even, when they don't care enough. It takes me so much effort to remind me life is not all about a Design project; it is more about caring who people are, and what I can do for them, rather than what I would get out from working with them, or just looking out for myself when we are in a team.

It is so difficult sometimes. But somehow I managed to break that barrier in the end with huge resolve, and I am so thankful and glad I went through all this, no matter what outcome befalls. God is good. No words can describe that.

Another joyful thing is - I found out a friend was saved in Christ last week. It was such awesome, awesome news. One would never comprehend the weight of salvation, until he knows he is loved and saved by God. How arrogant can men be when they think they are the ones who choose whether to believe or not. If God did not have the grace and mercy to grant you belief to come to Him in faith for salvation, you would never desire to seek Him in the first place. It is through the grace and mercy of God that one can be saved. Nothing of man's virtue and choice; and even if it is a choice, it is a choice to surrender.

At a dead end, look up

Actually, I shouldn't be looking up at dead ends only. Up is the direction I should look at all the time.

Actually now I'm horribly stuck in my design project. Either way I'm going no where, time is short; and to top it all up I have a test a day after project submission. =.= The design project deadline is so worrying that I have no time to worry (more less so to study) for the test!

It is times like these when I'm truly desperate, I truly hold on to the Lord. Working through the night has been intolerable especially when you know a sleepless night's effort has been futile. And the song we sang for worship last week came into my mind.

I am His, He is mine; Jesus knows my name.

I can rest in His arms; He’s always the same.

When I fall, when I call, Jesus takes my hand.

Cleansing me, lifting me, He helps me to stand.

In His love, I’m secure; we shall never part.

In His Word I will trust and give Him all my heart.

In the dark of the night, when my heart would fear,

Lovingly, tenderly, my Saviour is near.

Always the same, O praise His name,

Jesus never changes; He’s always the same.

Always together, His love is forever.

Jesus never changes; He’s always the same.

The song helped me to focus. Somehow or other it was interwined with Perfect Peace (another song) in my mind. I especially love the phrase: In the dark of the night, when my heart would fear; lovingly, tenderly, my Saviour is near. It was so true especially because now it's night time (although dawn is breaking).

My problems are still there big as ever. But as always, always. I know I can let go and depend on God to work miracles. I know that Jesus is always the same. And I know that bigger problems in life can never rob the joy of knowing my Jesus.