Let Go

No emotions are too hard to let go in light of what He has done for me. I shan't rant and complain. I shan't moan and sigh. I shan't hide it away. I shall take it out, shake it away, and let it go. What I can't control, He can.

I am bigger than that. My heart is bigger than that. For it is Christ that is in my heart, and it is Christ who lives in me.

Vacation hunting for Vocation

Two years ago someone was down in the dumps because he couldn't find a job. I remember trying to encourage that person while secretly thinking if that will be me after another two years.

Today I attended an interview. It was a nice interview. The interviewer was very kind and understanding but she told me point straight that I wasn't suited for the job. It was my personality and it was the direction I was aiming towards. I think I agree with her. That's why I always make it a point not to hide things from my interviewers or become someone who is not me when being interviewed. It's OK to get a job in the short run, but not really OK to be unhappy in it in the long run.

I know it's necessary to think long-term when looking for a job as well as short-term (gain experience first). Where would I want to head like 5 years down the road? Would this job bring me there?

I have another interview tomorrow. I wonder how it would turn out too. But I am not worried. It's all in the hands of the Lord. He will give me the right job. And He will turn down the wrong ones too and praise Him for that.

Things are so uncertain now. But then again, my IA experience was really a comfort to me. I went to SP not expecting anything, but they accepted me as an intern. And the position was really in something I could do well and learn much in. It's really all in His hands.

However, today we must be realistic. Although i want to learn things in work, not every job would be able to give me that opportunity. In fact most of them can't. It's just mere routine. I must learn to accept that.

But I do want to work somewhere where I can learn, grow, in technical knowledge. I want to work somewhere with people too, where I can learn from them, give and take, and interact. To work with nice, and easy-going people who make your day a joy. To work with difficult people and become someone stronger. I want to be somewhere where I can contribute.

I know I will find that job. It's just out there :)) But it will find me one day. Because God will lead me to it!

Exams Over

My exams were over last Saturday. So now I can really say goodbye to the academic portion of my NUS life. However, I am still jobless, and will still need to attend interviews.

Tirza says that if I have to work, it would be only meaningful to choose a job that I really like (OK this is paraphrased, hope I didn't distort the meaning of it). Sadly the industry that I would like to be in is not really hiring in bulk. I can do other jobs, but I would only like to work if 1) I can learn things from a job, and 2) I am capable/ competent in performing the job well.

Sometimes I feel apprehensive to start a career in a non-pharmaceutical field. Because even if I have a chance to move back there later, I would need to start from scratch after many many years. But I would really love to get a chance to work in this field. It fits my character, and it would carry much meaning.

However, without a good honours, one cannot be picky, no? Sometimes you get to do what you love, but other times, you just need to love what you do.

Maybe one day, I'll just put down everything and chase my dreams opening a boardgames cafe in Singapore (may the board games heat among the Singaporean (and non-Singaporean) youth live forever!). Then I'll get to play every single day :)

Maybe one day, I might do a Masters in Business too. IF I could.

But now, it's time to be realistic, to be humble, and to accept whichever door God opens. Thank God for the interviews I got this week :) Hope to learn much from them.

Speech is not free

There are stuff that I would blog about at the spur of the moment, but then again, they are stuff that should be kept in a diary, or maybe not to be kept at all.

You may say: speech is free, it's my blog and I'd blog what I like in it, and it's up to you to read it or not. But certain things, once read, have irreversible effects, and I'd rather those effects not go out at all. It's not so free after all. Someone has to pay an emotional debt sometimes, and since I've already paid my part, there's no reason why the debt has to go out to others too.

Anyway all emo-ness aside:

1. Tomorrow is my first paper for my final semester's final exams. My aunt brought chicken soup for me again and even made extra for Jon. Super nice of her :)

2. Wayne visited Jon & me and hall this morning/afternoon. Can't believe after spending 2 hours with him the next time we'd meet would be at least a year away. But at least we get to meet.

3. Political sentiments are on the rise on Facebook and in the social media. And I haven't registered to vote. Which makes me feel pretty useless as a Malaysian.

You might think all those students who are studying overseas like us have no sentiments towards the country. Yes maybe towards an extent we feel helpless and eventually develop a hands-off attitude. I am no longer (that) concerned about who gets what percentile of the economic pie. That is a question that can never ever be answered without people getting hot and bothered over it. But what I feel REALLY unhappy about is that even when obvious tyranny is going on and our taxes are being exploited to prosper a select few, there is NOTHING we can do about it to protest. Nothing beyond liking certain statuses/pages. Even votes are sabotaged.

The cost of living is rising. And so is the nation's debt. I wonder when there will be a really big economic crisis, and our country will bankrupt without us knowing it. And when, and will, youths who really love the country stand up and run for leadership positions. And whether it will be worth their while doing it. It puts everything at risk for them if they do - even their lives.

Such sentiments are rising in Singapore too, but so far it is still under control. I wonder how long this will last as well.