There is a Hope

Funny how after last week both Simon and I thought it would be nice to be our funeral song.

There is a hope that burns within my heart

That gives me strength for every passing day

A glimpse of glory now revealed in meager part

yet drives all doubt away

I stand in Christ, with sins forgiv'n

and Christ in me the hope of heav'n!

My highest calling and my deepest joy,

to make His will my home.

There is a hope that lifts my weary head,

A consolation strong against despair

That when the world has plunged me in its deepest pit,

I find the Savior there

Through present sufferings, future's fear

He whispers "Courage!" in my ear.

For I am safe in everlasting arms,

And they will lead me home.

There is a hope that stands the test of time,

that lifts my eyes beyond the beckoning grave,

To see the matchless beauty of a day divine

When I behold His face

When sufferings cease and sorrows die,

and every longing satisfied,

then joy unspeakable will flood my soul,

for I am truly home.

Imagine everyone singing this, and meaning it, in a funeral. The same hope, the same destination. A time of looking forward rather than reminiscing.

Burden

So what happened was I made mistakes and they resulted in certain consequences for other people who were kind and responsible enough to take responsibility on what I've done. Not those deep dark dire ones but still, it causes a certain amount of displeasure/discomfort.

Three months are up and I still feel like instead of being a help, I'm dragging people backwards. People who have to look after me while doing their own work. People who do so willingly, and ever encouragingly. People whom I long to be a help to, but end up being otherwise. And people who even take initiatives to make me feel better afterwards.

I can't help being blur and making mistakes. I mean, I can help being so to a certain extent but it's really hard to not make mistakes all the time. Some can be salvaged but others harder to do so. All require extra time and effort on my part and on others to put right.

Perhaps I could start by being less emotionally vulnerable. Try to be less perturbed when something unexpected happens (in other words, when I do something wrong), put things right calmly, and not let the rest of my day and my work be affected by those mistakes. To not be an emotional burden, the little girl everyone has to take care of and be concerned about all the time.

I like being taken care of, but I guess it is immensely crucial that I learn to 'grow up' quickly in many ways. To be more independent. To be more careful. To make sure I'm fully alert and think through everything I've done. To take more initiatives. To exert better self-control over my emotions. To be less jumpy.

In a way I'm glad I went through this phase because I know how nice my colleagues are (what an understatement), and I appreciate them all the more because of this. I'm really touched by everything they did for me, the burdensome, boring newcomer launched by chance into their midst. But there needs to be a time limit for this 'learning period', and hence I will have to prepare to change myself in many ways.

Blessings

Sometimes, I just get too preoccupied in counting my blessings, that I forget - what God has gracefully given to me, He also has the right to take away. And these blessings are so beautiful, at times, they hurt when they are taken away. But what right have I to keep what's not mine in the first place?

I'm a person who stays within her comfort zone, and feel most secure there. But being in a comfort zone doesn't give much room for steps or leaps of faith.

So, one day, when this place feels too comfortable, it might be time to leave. I just feel like I could sit in this spot for years, not wanting to move, for all I want I have now, and I am contented. But one needs to be contented whatever his/her lot, for God always gives one enough, and beyond that.

Till the time of change, I pray that I wait and be prepared. When His work is done here, I move on.

The Greatest Distance

This is a much quoted line from one of Fish Leong's songs:

有人说

世界上最遥远的距离不是生与死

而是我就站在你面前 你却不知道我爱你

(Loosely translated as: Someone said: The greatest distance in this world is not the one between life and death; but it is when I'm standing in front of you, yet you do not know that I love you.)

I don't know why people fall head over heels over these lines, but I did not find it particularly interesting. Just those romantic soppy stuff that is overdone, says my over-logical brain. However they kept popping up here and there, in random quotes, in Facebook statuses, and of course in Fish Leong's song which is sometimes aired here and there. So it somehow got stuck in my brain.

However, after we studied Romans in last weeks' BS, these lines came back to my head again. And I felt that they were very very true.

Romans 8: 35 ~ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Then verses 37-38: For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

What dramatic verses, and what weight they carry describing God's love. Quoting Frederick M. Lehman's hymn "The Love of God", my favorite stanza goes:

Could we with ink the oceans fill

And were the skies of parchment made

Were every stalk on earth a quill

And every man a scribe by trade

To write the love of God above

Would drain the oceans dry

Nor could the scroll contain the whole

Though stretched from sky to sky

A love of such magnitude, and nothing could separate Christ's love for men. Yet men who in nature do not seek after God, and Him, separate themselves from receiving God's love by ignoring the fact that He loves them. Just like the way it is written in those Chinese lyrics. The greatest distance of all. But even this vast chasm never stopped God from reaching out to men because He loved them.

And being kept in God's love and knowing it: is like having every gap in your life filled, because even as the Apostle Paul went through tribulation, distress, persecution, famine, nakedness, peril, sword, and more; he was still so firmly convinced and unshaken in the knowledge of God's love for him - and all things work for the good for those who love the Lord. Do I have this same focus, and this same assurance in God's love for me, that I may give thanks for all things, be joyful in all things, be patient in all things, and love at all times?