Two Roads Diverged in a Yellow Wood

Well, technically, I haven't reach that cross-point yet. But I'm coming nearer and nearer to it. It's right in front and I need to get myself prepared for it.

On a side note, it's rather amazing the way I've come to accept and live with new circumstances, and how people around me have stepped up to it as well. This is really faith becoming sight. And it's true, that daily portion of grace I've given. It sustains me from being stretched too tight. It gives me every reason each day to be thankful.

I don't want this thankfulness to be limited to work. I want it to stretch far and wide, to entrench itself deeply in all aspects of my life. I don't want my experience with God to stop at my workplace. I want it to be further, deeper, stronger, in every part of my life. Every place I'm at. 

I want to be deeply, emotionally, involved with God in my life.

And that's why, at this diverging of roads, I need to pray towards that. Should I stick to something that I love, and continue to function comfortably and competently each day? Or should I leave this, venture into something new, that allows me to just detach myself from this interest so that I can come back to feel, to get into other experiences more? Where are the people that God has planned for me to meet, to get involved with? To pray for, to talk to, to love? How will the roads to come affect my relationship with my family, with Jon, with the church?

My response towards this is what it has been for years and years past: Thankfully, I don't have to make such a difficult choice. Thankfully, I only need to pray and submit to God. The doors He opens, and the doors He closes. Thankfully, the Maker will turn my course of life according to His design, and I would just need to live according to it, to see reason in my life.

Whichever road I venture into is marked out on my road map. And I shall walk in faith.

Sayonara's

I'm in the midst of saying and preparing for goodbyes. All the activities kind of numb the ache of it. And all the preparation in getting ready for new people and new changes offsets the difference that I'm going through.

Yet I know after people are parted, it will be impossible to remain the same as before. Our memories of each other will halt at that time point, but our lives move on at a pace that is impossible to catch up with each day. 

Things change and people change. But I believe there is a God's hand and His grace in everything. And oh, it's so incredible that I've never really felt the 5 phases of change during the organizational take over, but felt the whole cycle so acutely over just this one month.

As much as we miss people who have just left, it is so much more important to continue to support, appreciate, and build relationships with those that are still with us, while we can.

One Day at a Time

The days stretch long. But I am reminded that I should take not all together, but one at a time.

Dear God, give me Your special portion of grace for each day. To trust on You to provide for all my daily needs. The strength to give my best, the ability to take in shocks and surprises, the love to share, the patience to endure. The sight to see, the ears to listen, and a heart to feel.

I need that portion of grace. But help me not jump ahead and worry for anything beyond this one day. For like the way You fed the Israelites manna, your daily manna will always be enough, will always be satisfying.

Your grace will always be enough. You will always be enough.

Out there

I think it's been a really long time since I wrote a really random post like this one is going to be.

I've been shopping on my own and making my little trips round Singapore a lot these two years. Recently I was asked if this feels lonely? And I replied that I now preferred to window shop on my own.

Anyway a consequence of this was recently I have started to notice the world out there a bit more. It's not really 'out there' as you'd describe it. It's just those normal things: HdB flats under the glaring afternoon sun. The stormy skies. The streetlights against the road in the late night. Bustling traffic full of people. Blue blue morning skies. Empty school fields.

And being the quick paced person I am, I quickly pass by all these and enter the walls of the shopping malls or libraries. Indeed I do not dare permit myself to stop and just let one two hours pass by to think. Because the unknown sense of memories associated with these random environmental scenes is too big for me to take in.

I think, if I was all alone in say, east coast park and I sit in a quiet corner letting my mind run free, it would overwhelm me. The memories, not too bitter, not too sweet; will still haunt and haunt me the same, just and just because they represent days that have passed and will never come back again. That person that I was and will never be again.

Indeed I do not dare. I would inexplicably, mysteriously be so lost, that it would be hard to retrieve myself from the world that was.

Isn't it funny? Just those mundane, day to day things would invoke such ripples of nostalgia in me. Boring unnoticeable events would appeal so much to me right now. I wonder if what I am doing now would affect me or move me to think so decades down the road. The people, the things, the sights and smells.

How hard it is to go back to old familiar places without reminiscing, without wishing somehow, the good old days could be replayed. How can change be coped otherwise, if not through the numbing of these senses.

But that doesn't mean we can't hope for more beautiful things in the future :)