众人皆醉我独醒

今天真的有这种感觉。

你们口中说的那所谓的成熟

那所谓的情绪淡定

是要付出代价的

当你一个人沉着

别人在大声喧嚷

不能肯定体谅你

却理所当然的向你索取那些肯定和体谅

没有人顾虑我心里的害怕和不安

而我却要再说的每一句话前

考虑是否影响你们的情绪

当你们互相影响时

又要体谅又要解围

人说忍耐是有极限的

而极限这个东西

离我似乎越发遥远

每天都是新的。大的。高的。

因为我心里的希望和喜乐。

让我可以无极限的往下撑。

Investments

Today my colleagues were talking about investments and insurance options during dinner.

I don't know if investing is The Thing to do at this age. Many seem to be doing that and getting really decent returns. I wonder why they do it - for security only, or to hope for a windfall? Maybe for both?

I don't know why I've never spent my life thinking or planning how to get rich. Maybe I am too lazy. But I do think there are certain stuff in life I would be fine doing without. Branded clothes bags shoes. Expensive face hair and body treatment. High tech IT applications. Concert and musical tickets. Big houses and cars.

I wish from the very bottom of my heart that I would grow old, loving the things I love now, that these things will continue to make me happy. Board games with friends. Walking to grocery shopping, snacking in hawker centers, spending a day in east coast park. Wearing 10 dollar tee shirts. Drinks from vending machines.

As for those medical bills and housing bills, I just need to be responsible enough in planning and faithful enough to give mercifully and thankfully to those who need it. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Because God takes care of tomorrow.

New records

The haze psi in Singapore had struck a record high today as never ever before. Unfortunately, so did my working man-hours in the shift. To think there might be a chance of stop-work order due to hazardous environmental factors! Wishful thinking indeed.

Yes it's rather depressing being worked to the bone during shift only to find out the mistakes I made from the next team after going home. There was no chastising, no blaming, nothing except me thinking that I could have done better than this. Again.

But it was from this that I truly realized also, today, that I have entered into someone else's world at last. From being an outsider, to a tolerable friend, to mildly appreciative, and finally to being fully appreciated. I can't describe how amazing it is to get here, because I thought I'd never would. But then miracles happen and I've been witnessing a lot, lately. Anyway, it encouraged my heart that at least, to somebody, I made a difference. A difference that was, to me at least, not easy to make. And things continue on from here - to build up and support another person, or to destroy and hurt with callousness.

It is a dangerous place to be: inside someone's world. Because it means that you are starting to make a difference. Things you do affect them. They care about you now, and your actions can greatly encourage or discourage them. The relationship can turn sweet or sour easily if it doesn't just fade off. 

On a side note I am really quite amazed by how Jon has successfully insulated our house from the menacing haze using fans and filters. The filters are horribly black now. The difference between our home environment and the outside world is so drastic that, when I opened my door this morning and in the afternoon again to go out, it felt like stepping out of a space shuttle pod into a foreign planet. The sight of the haze outside was so unreal and intimidating and I am glad almost none of it penetrated our living quarters.

How far greater too does the grace of God shield me from the insecurities and pressures of the outside world. More and more so.

Manila in Three Weeks

Flying to Manila in three weeks for a week-long e-campaign this year. Going with campus group again - some people are relatively new to campus, and there are a few from last year who will not be joining this year. Will miss their companionship, definitely! I still remember all of us sitting around Simon in his shared room with Andrew last year, on our last night, dropping tears as we shared our experience.

This time will be different because it will become, in a way, a more familiar experience. Yet there are things that are different. Manila will be a different challenge as compared to Negros. City environment, city kids. Tagalog instead of Cebuano. Different forms of bondage and obstacles. Big groups, more people. And yes, the heart, our hearts may be so easily deceived by thinking that because of past experience, we do not need to depend all the way, we do not need to exert as much effort as last time.

But be it city or rural areas, God's power to save is the same. God's love for the people are the same. Our compassion for souls should be the same, and the way we look at the people should be the same. Our weaknesses and necessity to fully, 100% rely on His powers and His abilities are the same. Everywhere, God saves. Everywhere, people have this common need for love, which can only be satisfied through Him. Because we are made for His love.

As we ran through a video of last year's campaign, although I wasn't in any of the picture slide shows, it did bring back scenes to my mind. How I almost broke into tears in my first classroom, but thankfully manage to finish my sharing. How the teachers in the staff room cried and how I cried with them. How each time the students will look from me at different places in the room with eyes that spoke of a longing for a hope. A hope that is so apparent there and is so apparent here in this garden city, in a different way.

God, prepare me to be your witness. Every way. Every day.