愈来愈近

2014 年已经过半。再三个月我就不单身了。虽然这些日子都在焦虑的想着婚礼的事，但其实严格来说也只是皮毛。

如果可以把我的人生划成两半，那一定会是“婚前”和“婚后”了。婚前一个人，婚后二人为一体。同样是“一个人”的生活，可是“一个人”这个个体的定义转变却如此浩大。

一个那么自我中心的我要在婚姻里失去自我，把“老我”釘在十字架上真的好艰难。人总说害怕单身孤独，一个人过生活，而婚姻却是要人完全放弃自我，重新定义自我，彼此相爱，彼此牺牲来建立一个更完美的“我们”。是那么奥妙，复杂，亲密的改变！因为有一天基督和教会也会是这样一个关系。

我不怀疑以后的挑战一定无数，我不怀疑在失去“自我”的过程中会有争执，愤怒，泪水，甚至懊悔的心情。我知道逆袭婚姻的风浪会很多，有些来自两个不完美的罪人，来自经济，时势，健康，和我们身边的人。但有主在船上就不怕风浪。不怕未知。不怕不完美的婚礼，不完美得到婚姻，不完美的爱情。

三个月，我们的大改变即将被掀起。筹备的工作也尚未落幕。但最重要的是：我的心哪，你预备好了吗？

Greatly loved

Yesterday Pastor Jason preached a very applicable sermon about prayer from Daniel chapter 9 and I thought I'd record some things down.

1. Prayer does not change God's will, but prayer can change things (according to His will).

2. Pray scriptures into our situations. When there is a gap, pray scripture into situations.

3. Prayer is not about us, but about God.

And God answered Daniel through a vision from Gabriel, saying Daniel is 'greatly loved'. One of the most touching love statements, I find, from the Old Testament. No matter how great Daniel's zeal and passion for God is (and it was truly great and faithful and consistent); it could not match up to God's great and faithful love for Daniel and Israel.

The greatness of God's love comes from who He is. How blessed are we today who call Him Father, He whose greatness the universe cannot contain.  

Steadfast and Unceasing

The steadfast love of The Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to am end. They are new every morning, new every morning, great is Thy faithfulness O Lord, great is Thy faithfulness. 

Our scripture exhortation during worship service last Sunday was taken from these verses in Lamentations, and how greatly they comforted my heart. Even now after almost one full week when MH370 remains missing and chances of survival for those on board dwindle to almost nil, I still recall these verses and draw comfort from them, for they are truth. Written in a time when Jerusalem was under seige, when people starved, the city plundered, the women raped, mothers killing eating their own babies just to survive another day; it is near miraculous how the prophet Jeremiah summons up enough faith to say: God is steadfast in His love, His mercies are unending.

I will not hypocritically pretend that I am that affected by the plane incident since I am not so personally close to this brother from church on the fight. But my heart does grieve for him as part of the church, and for his family members and relatives whom I know personally. Many of them has just encouraged me so much by how they have not lost hope and by their proclamations of faith. 

But I do need more than men's actions and emotions to be truly encouraged. Just like how positive quotes on Facebook can only affect you as much as you believe in them, I refuse to ascertain anything cooked up by the mind of man deserves to be absolutely believed in. True, some of them may be truth, but most are just positive thinking and based on emotions. I want the absolute truth, which is not only just truth, but gives life as well. And this only comes from the Word of God.

And that's why when people told me it's impossible to realize Biblical 'theories' practically in their lives, I feel sad. Because if you can't hold on to truth and believe in its life saving and life changing grace and power, what else can you hold on to? It's either because you don't believe it, or you won't believe it. Either way, it shows how it is not important to you, to not let go of the restraints holding 'you' or your emotions back from it. To take that truth in your heart and believe in it. And how can a person not be lost unless they are grounded in what is certain and what is true?

And therefore I hold on that no matter the circumstance God is sovereign, His love unchanging, He is merciful, and nothing can seperate His beloved from Him. Amen.

A Turn of Events

Today was supposed to be a happy day. Attended the wedding of my ex-lab team leader, and am glad to see him so happy with his wife and family on his big day. And of course was bombarded by a tonne of questions: 'You're next! How are the preparations going etc.?" I haven't really gotten much of a head start due to some issues faced last week. But am really thankful that so many people wanted to come for our wedding. It made me feel very much loved.

It was towards the end of the wedding lunch that I was horrified after seeing a FB post saying that one of my hometown church members was on board the now infamous MH370 and is among the missing passengers. Went home to pray immediately and have been refreshing news updates on FB and the internet ever since. No news.

As I read through the track record of the plane and pilots and how this whole implausible situation had been made up by numerous coincidences, I couldn't help but keep coming to this conclusion: God has allowed this. God has allowed this. It was so near to not being able to happen, yet it happened, and I could only say God allowed this to happen.

My heart is heavy, and it goes out to all those even heavier hearts at home. A man with a family, still in his prime, still many so many things that he is able to achieve in life. So many hearts waiting for him and loving him. So many people not put at rest until that plane is found. And what about the other 236 passengers, some old people, some infants, probably most of them yet to be saved. But in the midst of everything there is this ringing assurance in my heart that this is something God allowed. It must be for His purpose, and His glory. And His glory also comes with another thing - it is for our good.

It is so difficult to hold on to this and it made this supposedly joyous day suddenly very very bleak. But in my heart I give thanks to God that firstly my brother in Christ is secure in a place that no dangers could ever harm him. Secondly, all things work for good for those who love God, which includes us and him. Thirdly, God has allowed this missing plane incident to happen, and on top of praying for safety for all those involved, I also want to pray for His intended glory to shine through. No matter in what way.

No we have not given up hope. Even though much time has elapsed I hope and pray for the safety of the passengers and they could be found. I hope that weeping in the night will turn into shouts of joy in the morning. But even more securely does my hope rest in a God that is merciful and loving and glorious. There is a hope that stands the test of time. This hope is there to lead us through life, death and more.