Married and beyond

So last month I stepped into part 2 of my life whereby the whole of my identity changed. At the same time I transferred out from my shift lab to the day lab too, so somehow everything felt like a new start.

I guess I couldn't have married without the help of many others, especially my sisters. Jon and I were touched by so much love shown to us by our families, relatives and friends. From the progression of the weddinng, dinner, to gifts and angpaos received, I just felt that we were so unconditionally loved, so much that it truly exceeds my capacity to repay it back. Thank you.

Two becoming one is really easier said than done. Even though we have known each other for years and even stayed in the same place, it takes a whole lot of effort, especially on my part to communicate and serve one another. Our temperaments are so different and so are our experiences in life.

Someone asked me if being married or being in a relationship is a spiritual experience, and how do you know that person is 'the one'. I think being married is the most practical and realistic experience you could ever have. And that person automatically becomes 'the one' once the marriage vows are said! The conflicts and the sacrifices are somewhat painful to make, but they are the most 'spiritual' in marriage when they become steps of obedience. We are still learning and have a long way to go.

Work is ok so far. I had some difficulties with my tests, and my annual leave conversions were messed up, but I am blessed with new colleagues, who went of the way to give me a sense of belonging, both the seniors and juniors. I hope I can contribute and learn much in my new working environment and hopeful establish strong friendships. 

That's all for now. I am so lazy to blog nowadays. I hope I continue to do so more :)

Some Wedding Prep Updates

August is slipping away, and very soon, we will be reaching 'the month before my wedding month'. People have perpetually been asking: how are the preparations going? And I will have to say: there are still things to do. 

A lot of things to do, in fact. Jon and me are currently slicing up wedding invitations, and hoping that the banquet ones make their way to their owners safely some way or other. Photo slideshows, photos to be developed for scrapbooking, songs to be confirmed, car to be rented, food to be catered, head count to be confirmed, dress and shows to prep. Not to mention last day decorations and rehearsals and whatever random stuff that comes with it.

Some kind souls have graciously offered to help, which we are encouraged by and thankful for; but it is not that easy to delegate things and not make things complicated. Meanwhile we would just have to trust in God's grace and press ok with diligence. 

So many things going through my head these days. What if I look horrible in my wedding gown? What if some guests get left out? What if things go wrong? And so I get transformed into a worry wart over a ceremony that lasts for a day (two if we consider the banquet). 

People say that the wedding day is the best day of our lives. But it is so easy to be focused on perfecting this one day until we lose sight of the decades coming ahead. Till now I have to remind myself time and again not to let the anxiety of preparing for this one day surpass my joy and anticipation of the new life ahead. The Part 2 that cleaves me from Part 1 forever. 

Thank God for Jon being so supportive and comforting, although we are both so clueless at these preparation stuff. I believe that no matter how the wedding prep turns out, as long as the bride and groom are right, everything else will be ok too :)

The Notebook

Just two days ago I watched this movie with Derrick and Joanne at our place. Derrick downloaded this 2004 film and came over to watch. It's a long time since I've watched this kind of romantic film which is supposed to leave you with a bittersweet feeling.

[Spoilers ahead]

In the film, an old man Noah reads a story to his wife Allie who does not recognize who he is. She is stricken with Alzheimer's. It was a love story, their own. A love that was young and reckless, brimming with passion. An explosive love between two people exploding with emotions. Apparently a lasting one too, as Noah did not give up on Allie, even when she did not know him. A whole day of reading grants him about 5 minutes of remembrance from Allie. Then she slipped away, leaving him heartbroken. The cycle has been repeating itself.

I don't find this love onscreen to be similar to mine. Maybe because Jon and myself (especially me) are people so laid back that we devote so little energy to passion. Something I found really heartbreaking in this movie is: if another person becomes the center of your life, once that person is taken away, your whole life collapses around you. 

Amidst all the modern day tragedies we see now, life is just too short and unpredictable. A vow on the marriage aisle may be terminated abruptedly by its closing line: till death do us part. Or even if a couple spend decades together, how fleeting those decades are. I bet for our grandparents, their memories of their youth didn't seem so far away after all.

This passage I've read from 1st Corinthians made me think:

This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.

It says that time is so short that, no matter what we own or don't own, it is fruitless to rejoice or weep in something so temporary. Even marriage. Marrying for marital bliss or romance will only bring but a short term of happiness. But marrying unto God is something eternal that will not be taken away. In the same way, our achievements and things we have in this life, if not done unto God would amount to nil, once time has passed by and all forgotten.

Sometimes we really need to be reminded when life is beautiful, that life is short. And even when life is ugly, all these are temporal too because life is short. Yet this short life is all we get to make our choices, and determine our eternal destiny. So invest it wisely. 

愈来愈近

2014 年已经过半。再三个月我就不单身了。虽然这些日子都在焦虑的想着婚礼的事，但其实严格来说也只是皮毛。

如果可以把我的人生划成两半，那一定会是“婚前”和“婚后”了。婚前一个人，婚后二人为一体。同样是“一个人”的生活，可是“一个人”这个个体的定义转变却如此浩大。

一个那么自我中心的我要在婚姻里失去自我，把“老我”釘在十字架上真的好艰难。人总说害怕单身孤独，一个人过生活，而婚姻却是要人完全放弃自我，重新定义自我，彼此相爱，彼此牺牲来建立一个更完美的“我们”。是那么奥妙，复杂，亲密的改变！因为有一天基督和教会也会是这样一个关系。

我不怀疑以后的挑战一定无数，我不怀疑在失去“自我”的过程中会有争执，愤怒，泪水，甚至懊悔的心情。我知道逆袭婚姻的风浪会很多，有些来自两个不完美的罪人，来自经济，时势，健康，和我们身边的人。但有主在船上就不怕风浪。不怕未知。不怕不完美的婚礼，不完美得到婚姻，不完美的爱情。

三个月，我们的大改变即将被掀起。筹备的工作也尚未落幕。但最重要的是：我的心哪，你预备好了吗？