My grandparents came over to Singapore last weekend because my grandmother needs to have her bi-annual medical checkup. They stayed over at my uncle's house and I got to meet them twice - once on Sunday dinner, and another time during yesterday's lunch.
I haven't been to my uncle's house for quite some time due to busyness and such. Rachel had already lost her two front teeth, and grown them back out again since I last saw her. Jon was invited as well.
Dinner was wonderful. My aunt's culinary skills were excellent, as always. Jon said the soup was 'awesome' haha. Then before and after dinner, we watched 'Godzilla', while I was trying to teach Rachel do her maths. However, with the sound system at its best, it was really hard to get her to try and concentrate. I wasn't really concentrated on teaching myself.
My grandparents brought a whole load of things over. Most of them are food supplements, (they knew I was a frequent late-nighter) and they might have been really heavy to carry over. I was rather shocked at how much they cost in total. They always invest a lot on us :)
Lunch today was nice too. We had dim sum lunch at IMM in Jurong, with my 8th granduncle. Two of my cousins (Sarah and Maryjo) were there too. And Aunt Si Si who was working in IMM happened to choose to go to the same restaurant for lunch. So she got to talk to my grandparents too. It was very nice of her to come over our table to greet and chat with us, while her food was left at another table with her friends. Considering the time they talked it must have grown rather cold.
My grandparents are going home today. Was really glad to be able to meet up and talk, even though it wasn't very long a time. I wish I could do better in my studies so they don't have to worry so much about me in this aspect. But it seems like I'm just letting my health go downhill without achieving much. And my Numerical Methods test results were depressing (so don't ask).
Sometimes I wonder what is more important - to get a job I that is related to what I learn, so that my 4 year course over here would not be wasted; or to get one that I am actually able to be competent in, and excel in it. Some issues are too private and sensitive to be discussed in a public blog, so I won't elaborate much on it here. I just wonder what will become of me after I graduate. After flying high for so many years, it is hard to become mediocre, or to put it crudely - less than mediocre. I know there's more in me yet, and maybe it just needs more pushing to come out.
I'm already assigned to a company for industrial attachment next year, and I am hoping for 6 months of working hard, studying hard, giving my best and enjoying it. I wonder how much potential in myself I can tap into now, for I think it is by God's providence I found a job description that allows me use more of the skills I have unofficially acquired these years, as non-engineering as they seem.
Although they don't say it, I know there are expectations of me from home. My family never tries to push me too far, fearing that I will someday break myself. From all the feedback I've been getting from everyone, only my mum is trying to stretch me as near to my limits as possible. This I see again and again, as I read her past emails to me, and it is the my main motivation to go as far as I can. Daddy has never said or commented too much about my results, but from the one or two questions he asks, I know he is concerned about how I will fare after I graduate and compete in the job market with my fellow graduates. My grandparents always ask me to take things slow and easy, but I know my grandfather wants to see me doing my best too.
Studying and trying to excel is so hard, especially at 3-4 am in the morning when you're sleepy and want to get some rest; especially when you look at your gradebook and know you've not been doing enough. It's like running a race where you'll never catch up, but you'll still have to run, because of the people cheering you on. Expectations are what stress me up, but they are also what that push me on. Expectations both said, and unsaid. (But I really do appreciate those unsaid expectations. The fact that they are unsaid althought they are still there.)
Another thing I fear is as I strive hard to work towards meeting my family's expectations, I forget about meeting the expectations of the Lord. To spend time to love, and live, and labour for treasures that are eternal. To spare some thought for the person next to me, instead of wondering how my peers study so well, and how I can be like them. To stop my own building projects of my so-called future and career, to pause and spend time with Him, to pursue a future He holds for me with peace.
I have changed so much after I came here. I don't know if it's for better or for worse, but there's still a passion for the things of the Lord that I wish to revive.
