Last days of 2011 whereby I have not officially reached mid-twenties. 2011 flies. Not the whole of it, but parts of it. The months just zoom by. I date day after day at work, then month after month. Now I've already been working for 5 months. No longer a newbie (but still clumsy and blur).
Many has said 2011 was a good year. Mine was full of blessings, full of grace. But I wish there could be more joy. I think the reason for this lack of joy is that I have not really savoured and tasted God to His fullest. He was there for me, but I was not always there. In fact you could say that I was instead always just 'half-there'.
How true it is when you take away God, nothing can truly satisfy. Family, boyfriend, friends, housemates, colleagues. All wonderful people I've been blessed with. I've enjoyed their companionship, been loved, guided, helped, and taken care of by them. And I am infinitely thankful towards them. But there's this gap that only God can fill. He's there, He's never given up on me. But I'm not always there to remember Him, cherish Him, and just be delighted in His presence.
So this is my earnest wish for 2012 - that I will always be close to God, that He will always be close to my heart in every thing I do and say. That I do the right things and think the right thoughts because I fear Him. That I love others because I love Him. That I strive to be righteous because He wants me to be holy. I don't think I need to break down what I want to do for different aspects of my life - home, work, friends, love. As long as God is in all these, it doesn't matter any more.
Been struggling in work in ways not everyone can understand. Been struggling with apathy at other times with my spiritual life, with my service towards God and others. Been struggling to preserve holiness in both my actions and thoughts; which is probably the most difficult of all. But the joy of the Lord is my strength. I pray for this strength in the remainder of this year, and the whole of future ones.
