Yes it's rather depressing being worked to the bone during shift only to find out the mistakes I made from the next team after going home. There was no chastising, no blaming, nothing except me thinking that I could have done better than this. Again.
But it was from this that I truly realized also, today, that I have entered into someone else's world at last. From being an outsider, to a tolerable friend, to mildly appreciative, and finally to being fully appreciated. I can't describe how amazing it is to get here, because I thought I'd never would. But then miracles happen and I've been witnessing a lot, lately. Anyway, it encouraged my heart that at least, to somebody, I made a difference. A difference that was, to me at least, not easy to make. And things continue on from here - to build up and support another person, or to destroy and hurt with callousness.
It is a dangerous place to be: inside someone's world. Because it means that you are starting to make a difference. Things you do affect them. They care about you now, and your actions can greatly encourage or discourage them. The relationship can turn sweet or sour easily if it doesn't just fade off.
On a side note I am really quite amazed by how Jon has successfully insulated our house from the menacing haze using fans and filters. The filters are horribly black now. The difference between our home environment and the outside world is so drastic that, when I opened my door this morning and in the afternoon again to go out, it felt like stepping out of a space shuttle pod into a foreign planet. The sight of the haze outside was so unreal and intimidating and I am glad almost none of it penetrated our living quarters.
How far greater too does the grace of God shield me from the insecurities and pressures of the outside world. More and more so.
