Managing Expectations

I just put those two words as the title of my blog post because I just used it twice in my email. Somehow or other I ended up in charge of both teaching piano improvisation AND a the very mini Chinese instrumental group, so I sent them mails to meet up and adjust expectations for the semester.

But I have more dark and dire expectations to adjust to. I just outlined my dateline list for the semester and I was amazed at the amount of datelines I have with just two modules and 3 IA reports. It was so unbelievable. AND to add to that I haven't included RHME nor Prof Lee's research writing into that list.

I can foresee two hectic, hectic months right ahead. Sigh.

Too much or too little

My workload in my work place is a pendulum swinging between extreme ends. One moment I'd be free enough to swat flies (if there are any), and the other I'm rushing around trying to finish the un-finishable. For now, the latter is the case.

It was not until a few weeks ago that my supervisor agreed to partially outsource me to take part in the lab SOP revision project under another manager. So now I'm basically working for two people at once (who hardly communicate to each other regarding about what I do). Fortunately, the other manager who is not my supervisor is not the type that will bug me for work or give tight deadlines. Still, it is a mountain-load of tedious work on top of what I usually have to do (which, to be fair, is actually not a lot). So now I consider myself a bit overloaded. Have to paste reminders all over the wall, and recap on what I have done and what I should do before I start and end the day on a daily basis. It's good practice though.

All in all, I'm quite happy to be involved in lab functions to some degree (not bench-work, but documentation). Along with what I'm already doing for my supervisor, it gives me a good, integrated idea of what everyone is doing and how certain processes flow. It enabled me to know more people also, though I didn't gain many close friends. And the girl whose job I'm taking over has been such a blessing to me by showing how patient, meticulous and responsible she is, not shirking her duties, and still doing her best prior to her departure from the company. She's a wonderful example. I want to be someone like that too!

I am also learning from a book my supervisor is lending to me, which I read whenever I'm free. Such times are going to be rare, I foresee. But the ideas and techniques used for problem solving are really good ones. :) And quite applicable to group projects in school (though it might be time-consuming if you really want a good job done).

And I'm so so so so glad that I learned how to type and send proper emails! It really makes me able to work twice as fast. To say I know how to type is an understatement. In reality it's more than that. I actually love to type (as an activity). I wish there was a (high-paying or decent-paying) job related to typing (like the one in some court-case overseas where the typist earned a major fortune recording a confidential divorce case). I would love to take such jobs. Now I type at a higher-than-average speed (if compared against people who know how to type), but I still make a lot of typos. Thank God for spell-check!

Sometimes I feel that if I entered MSD when I was in form 6 (around 5 years back), I would still be capable of doing the same things I'm doing now. They are tedious, but not exactly tough, and things can be easily picked up even with no prior knowledge. But there are things which I wouldn't have been able to learn if I was just thrown into the organization just back then. These include:

a) The appreciation of the structure, function and culture of the company. All my biz modules helped in my interest towards all this :)

b) The importance of being responsible in the smallest things. Checking through my work, going beyond what is just given, and not just doing things so that they 'get done'. To keep records, to be meticulous. I am grateful that my previous two employers were frank with me in this sense, and despite my so-called failings in my previous employment experience led to the success of this one.

c) The ability to learn. I have become a much more active learner since coming to NUS. (At least in the things I like).

d) The ability to socialize. To understand things people say, how they feel, why they say it. To observe different personalities and make sense of them.

e) To appreciate people. More and more so.

f) To view Christ as my Master, and more than that, my sole Master whom I'm working for.

I love my internship experience. Two months are already up! I'm looking forward to reaping more and giving more in the last four months to come.

Eponine

Actually I wanted to blog about her for since a long time ago haha. But somehow I kept procrastinating so i didn't.

I still remember my conversation with Anna last Friday on the way home from work at the MRT station.

Anna: Have you watch Les Misérables?

Me: Yes, the 10th Anniversary musical version!

Anna: So who's your favorite character?

Me: I like Eponine!

Anna: Why?! But she's a bad character you know!

Yes I know Eponine isn't a saint, and she's not exactly a protagonist, as is Jean Valjean, Marius and Cosette, or even Fantine. In fact she's can even be considered as an antagonist if you read the book (which I haven't, I took the short cut and wiki-ed the story). So hence here I correct myself - my favorite character is still Eponine, but Eponine in the 10th anniversary musical, not in the novel.

Eponine in the novel is portrayed as very self-centered, miserable and pathetic girl. She bullied Cosette when she was young, and when Cosette was taken away from her family, I think the feelings of animosity did not decrease. This was not mainly her fault though. It was her upbringing, the sneakiness and meanness of her father (and mother) led the children to grow up as they were. The adult Eponine met Marius, to impress him, she took a book and read it aloud so that he would give him some coins. Marius pitied the dirty ragged Eponine and gave her his last few coins. Eponine then developed a crush on Marius, but her feelings where never reciprocated when Marius and Cosette fell for each other the first time they met. Eponine later in the story wished to die together with Marius, hence she lured him to the barricade where an intensive gun-fighting ensued (it was somewhere during the French Revolution period). However, as a soldier pointed a gun at Marius, Eponine rushed to block it with her hand and her body - the bullet went through her, and in her last breath, she took out Cosette's letter (which at first she was reluctant to deliver), and told Marius that 'she was a little bit in love with him'.

There was no hint of meanness in Eponine in the musical (probably because they simplified the story a lot. Songs with Eponine in it just showed her un-reciprocated love, her protection of Cosette even from her own father because of the love of Marius, and her dying in the barricade for Marius who all the time regarded her as a friend. I love those songs, and I love the singing voice of Lea Salonga (from Philippines) who played Eponine's role in the musical.

Eponine's first appearance in the song "A Heart Full Of Love", sang with Marius and Cosette. Eponine's disappointment was a strong contrast to Marius and Cosette's state of bliss.

Eponine's solo: On My Own, which we played for CME performance. Marius sent her to deliver a letter to Cosette (without knowing that Eponine secretly loved him too), and she was walking alone on the streets on her way there, filled with loneliness.

This song is named 'One Day More'. Not exactly an Eponine song, it was about the mixed feelings of different individuals/ groups on the day before the 'barricade war' as I called it where the peasants/ people rise up against the French Authorities that oppressed them. Jean Valjean was thinking of running away as he was being tracked by Javert (the constable). Javert was thinking of his pursuit of Jean Valjean. Marius was torn between his love for Cosette and his loyalty towards his friends and their cause of the battle. Cosette was thinking about Marius. Eponine was pining about her love also, whereas her greedy parents were thinking how how they could loot from the war. Enjolaras (the most handsome guy) was leading the fight, and was very spirited about it. This is a brilliant song! It unifies ALL the different singing styles and thoughts of everyone else into a single song - and it portrays how each individual is so different, yet they sing in one tune.

And this is my all-time personal favorite (which I have put up here before) - A Little Fall of Rain, duet between Marius and Eponine before she dies. :)

Maybe I'll share more about other Les Miserable characters next time. I kind of like Jean Valjean a lot too.

My second last week 2

I been working for almost two months now. A third of my internship experience is going to be over by next week!

Classes have started, and now it's week two. I have three main academic commitments now. The first one is my industrial attachment, the second being the other two evening modules I'm taking, and the last is my post FYP project work that I'm helping Prof Lee to do. Hence, it still doesn't really feel like school has started since all these three somehow don't merge together to make one semester. It's like oil and water, really. And oh, there's hall. I still don't know how active/passive I want to be in hall this semester.

It's been a long time since I've felt 'alone', but now I'm feeling it all over again at work. Thankfully after years of being a loner in primary and secondary school (I was a loner in varying degrees then), it didn't really affect me much. I do have people to lunch with me, but I'm still a very separate component because I'm hardly included in conversations and I don't feel like pushing myself in. But still, I really, really appreciate the ladies' lunch group I'm in now! At least it's company, and even by just listening to conversations, I do learn more things about what's happening around me.

Still I feel very much alone right after I get on the bus until I leave the office. My supervisor is really very kind and nice. But she has her own social circle, and she wants me to be independent. Which means I work alone (unless I ask for her help to teach me stuff), and go about everything else alone. It's very different, but in a way it makes me independent I guess. Not socially reliant, not academically reliant. And I'm learning to be independent in self-control also.

There's really a lot of self-restraint and self-monitoring I need to exercise in the office. Whether you know it or not, I'm actually a lazy bum by nature (many can attest to that). I like to finish my work quickly, so that I settle my tasks one after another both on time, and ahead of time. It really takes much effort not to be sloppy and double-check what I've done. It also takes a lot of effort NOT to always check my mail and Facebook. Well I've sort of conquered the Facebook part (took lots of willpower too, that), and I check my mails during breakfast and lunch times (which are officially not work timings). I try not to reply to my private mail at all during work unless it's really urgent.

Other forms of self-control include waking up in the morning (sigh...), and NOT going back before I should in the office. It's extremely tempting to do that when my supervisor's on leave and I have nothing at all to do anyway. Usually I stuff my time forcing myself to read SOPs instead. Also, it's very tempting to take short-cuts sometimes when doing work. I forgot what specific examples there were but there were such cases. I remember that happening right on the first few days I had new assignments itself. It was then I made a pact with myself that I should be entirely transparent with my supervisor regarding work issues, and not take shortcuts unless I let her know first. That has sustained me until now.

I guess work is really a good time for me to know my weakness, and to face them, as well as eventually overcome them bit by bit. I have six months to do that. Hopefully that will be sufficient.

Pastor's message last Sunday really shed a new light into my working life. I always knew that we have to submissive to our 'masters' at work from the book of Ephesians. But I didn't notice the part that says, we should do as though doing unto Jesus, because Jesus is our true Master. So we can actually serve Jesus at work each and everyday by being a good testimony, not talking behind the backs of our bosses/ superiors/ colleagues, and doing our work best as we can, just like doing it for Jesus! I used to be proud to be part of MSD, a great organization bringing the best healthcare products to patients to the best of it's ability. But now I'm no longer working for MSD, I'm working for Jesus!

We learned about lifetime employability in our HR class (as opposed to lifetime employment). People who live and work for Jesus will have lifetime employment because they serve one Master, as well as lifetime employability because of the way they serve their Master! I believe that if one whole-heartedly serves Christ as Master in the workplace, they can serve in any job they are in well. For Christ is not only the person we're serving, He's also our source of strength in serving! Just this thought makes working so much more exciting. Indeed it has kept me going for the week :)

Goodbye July, Hello August

I guess I won't be blogging in my Windows Live Spaces blog for quite some time. It cannot be loaded properly. Can't even reply to comments.

The last week of July just ended and here is the first week of August (cum my last week of hols). My last summer holiday has just ended. The next time I'll have a summer holiday like this probably when I retire from work.

To everyone who made my birthday a memorable one, thank you so much :) Thanks for all the Facebook and text messages. Thanks for the celebrations at home and the birthday gifts. Thanks to RH peeps and alumni for coming over to Block 4 kitchenette and getting me prezzies and ice-cream cake. Thanks to my three MSD south fellow interns who prepared the big doggie card :) Thanks Stacey and Justin for remembering me.

23 does feel rather old. But I've stopped counting the years. Better count the blessings than count the years and wrinkles and white hair (though I haven't come to that yet).

Went home last weekend, and Daddy brought two sport shoes for me to replace my cracking old-faithful which has started to have holes at the bottom too. I like my new shoes. Went through a chapter of Mable's biology with her - nervous system and coordination. Funny how I remember my Form 5 bio better than last semester's school work. I really must have put in a lot of effort back then. I wish I could do that now, but it seems like its hard to get enthusiastic when you're not aiming for 11 A1's. I'm glad I went through that Biology chapter. Besides getting the satisfaction of successfully drilling concepts into my sister's head (and seeing her reproduce all the funny drawings), it reminded me how wonderful it felt to study, and to have studied well. I have lost that feeling.

It has already been 1 month working in MSD West (or Schering Plough). Work is getting stagnant. I briefly talked to a new intern from NTU today. It reminded me how lost I felt a month ago, going around the plant to find people I never knew of. It was then I realized how considerate my supervisor had been. She gave very detailed instructions for me to navigate in plants I've never been to; checked with the security to grant me all the door access I needed; and taught me where to print out the whole telephone directory of the plant. The intern I met was not equipped with all these and she was rather lost. I was glad to be of assistance :)

Had lunch in MSD South last Friday. The bus driver was kind enough to ferry me and a few colleagues there, so I met up with Mei and the rest of the interns, some which I knew, and some which I didn't. We're going to meet up for dinner again tomorrow at City Hall. A celebration before school starts and we start rolling in stress and work again. It made me feel happy to meet them, yet lonely remembering that I was the only intern in my office. But then again I was thankful to have met the many senior colleagues I wouldn't have talked to otherwise if I had a firm clique of my own to start with once I stepped into the company.

Tonight we had our annual formal dinner in RH. I performed, probably for the last time, with Andrew, Jing Hong, Shawn and Jon. I never really enjoy performances, for I do not really like the stress of being under the limelight. But I love practices, and I love the sound of the songs we practiced and improvised ringing in my head during work hours. Playing with a team is so different from playing alone. Besides having my mistakes covered (a very important thing!), it broadens my dimension of piano playing somehow, to incorporate the sound of strings, to bring out the heart of different songs. I fell out of love with CME last year. Performing was a responsibility, something mundane that 'must be done', something that only brought a slight, occasional joy. It is so wonderful how good leaders can bring out the best in people. :)

I will still be in CME, though I don't think I am willing to commit to performances again. I'll be around to jam, to see the new members play, and maybe to teach willing learners basic ways of playing by ear and improvising. Shan Qi was a great encouragement last year, and I wish to interact with more juniors like him - so that we can learn from each other.

I don't understand why people want to live and die for music, why it is such a burning passion to them. But I do understand the simple joy of being appreciated, when people actually listen while you play, when they care enough to say 'good job' for those minutes on stage where hours of practice lie behind. I also enjoy the bonds of 'kindred spirits' as Anne of Green Gables would put it, as we strive together to present our very own translation of a song we play together.

This Friday evening heralds the coming phase of my life as a final year. My FYP professor is meeting up myself and Mei to discuss his new research paper. We are assisting him with the literature review, and here is a chance to learn more about the project we've doing the past half year. With this extra load, next semester is going to be heavy. But the more new experiences, the more worthwhile my uni life would be. I think the next 4 months are going to be exciting ones! And maybe by next week, I'll finally feel like a Final Year. Not feeling that yet for now. :p Oh well, it wouldn't hurt to let this state of bliss (or denial, whatever you call it) continue for a few more days.