Four years and counting

Jon just got his PR identity card number today. Which reminded me that I should check when I should renew mine. Fortunately this was easy to do as the date of issue was right behind the card. Next January it would be five years. Five years of PR-ship in Singapore. And up till now it's been five years of living in Singapore.

It's going to be harder and harder for foreigners over here to renew their five yearly stay. I know the White Paper says that there is going to be room made for more... But LKY's influence is going to come to pass one day. Replaced by younger politicians with strong sentiments having grown up to compete all the way with foreigners. Politicians who may feel for locals being ousted by their foreign competitors, who dislike having to share their facilities, who think it's unfair for people to treat Singapore like a giant multi national company that they could just come and leave.

There are many of these young people. And I do not say they are wrong. And I understand where they are coming from. And I also realize that PR-ship is akin to fence sitting: meaning that I draw the line to which how much I want to contribute to Singapore.

To me Singapore is not just 'the place I earn my money'. I have grown to love the way of life here, appreciate it's history and growth and tried to make sense of its political state and its people. I hope that by and by I would be able to do more for the community, for the economy and for the people around me coming from different countries. I have always wondered what I would choose if one day it all boils down to two alternatives: stay as a citizen, or leave as a foreigner. No PR fence sitting and half hearted commitments. Would I stay or would I leave?

I know in one way or other I had grown affectionate to this little red dot but in what way? The way Lot loved the city of Sodom? The way Jacob served Eygpt? The way David loved Jerusalem? Or the way Daniel served in Babylon - loyally he served but never forgot who he was and where he was from.

Still the truth is - this world is not my home. I know I am called to serve in a place but where is my harvest field? I can wonder and ponder, but it is all about making every here and now count.

Off Rest Rest in Singapore

Last weekend was one of those rare non-working weekends which I don't go home because I've just gone back not too long ago.

Spent Friday sleeping then staying back for supper after Bread Talk at church. Miss suppers we haven't had them for a long time and I seldom get to go out with Campus peeps now. I was so glad we could stay back late together.

Then Saturday was board games afternoon at Jon's prof's house with his students. Learned new games and got beaten by his seven year old little boy. Smart kid he is, understanding all those complicated games and picking up how to strategize. Needs to work on the concentration though. Still he's already extremely good for a kid. I wish I had as many board games in the house. Could see them piles up everywhere - so exciting! Then at night I had dinner at Kow Fu's place. As usual they sent us home piled with goodies. :) And full to the brim.

Had another session of board games with Andrew Joanne Rachel JonC and Geri after church service and lunch. Then we dinnered and movied with Andrew and Joanne, then played sparklers with Rachel. It was a great weekend catching up with people whose schedules seem to always operate on a parallel universe with mine. Loved the block 6 gathering for the 3 in 1 birthday celebration too, although it was almost one month late.

I wonder how long would I still be stuck in this shift cycle. And work is changing me, am I so easily succumbed to external pressures? Disappointment from untrustworthiness, emotional fluctuations, negative attitudes, negative words. I seem to be picking all these up. How to be salt , how to be light if I let myself be conformed not transformed in Christ? The solution is not escape from this environment but making a difference to it.

And the answer to this is all in my identity in Christ and the love and forgiveness I have received. To rejoice in the hope He gave. To be patient in suffering and constant in prayer.

Grown up

Been talking with Jon yesterday and I realized that the blur blur and impatient and relatively immature boy has grown up a big fat lot through the years. Especially recently.

And I realized I've been left behind from his social circle, his ministries, his growth and passions. I've allowed him to grow but yet I've never joined in that growth. Except for teaching him some Chinese words I think I hardly helped much.

I miss the days when there was less dryness less apathy and more drive. To be immature to be impatient to be aggravated but all for the things of God's kingdom. I have now become emotionally stable and understanding with regards to many weaknesses of other people. I guess this is good for compassion, but on the other hand I have been apathetic toward my own apathy.

And there were some things that he saw that were so true it hurt. I seriously think if I left myself be stagnant at the little things I am doing now 'to serve', if I don't drink deep from that fountain of truth and love soon we will breach into two different roads of growth altogether and I will be left standing still in the dust.

Thank God for iron that sharpens iron. Thank God for painful reminders. Thank God for promising to sanctify me wholly as He justified me wholly, and even though the process may hurt He will have me go through it. For nothing will satisfy me more than being drawn deeper and closer to Him.