Last Day of 2011

This is kind of a lame title for a post, but I do feel like I want to blog during the last day of the year. I wonder if this is one of those days where blog entries suddenly peak (apart from 1st of Jan).

Swee Yee and Lin Zhi are coming over to my house to count down with myself and Jerome. There's a lot lesser of us than expected but then again it's not always about numbers. I hope we have end the year and start a new one in a meaningful way together. And tomorrow - it's hello 2012! Come to think of it a whole lot of chemicals in my lab are going to expire when the new year comes in.

Next year campus is going to lose Simon around mid-year. He's going to study theology and serve God in a different way from now. Personally I think I'll miss Simon a lot. He really made a difference to my campus life. I always look to various people at different stages of my life for someone whose light I can follow, and I'm thankful I've always met such persons. And I think in Singapore I've always looked to Simon the most. How he loves the Word of God and has sacrificed so much time and energy to prepare Bible Study for us. How he lives the Word of God by relentlessly serving, and loving, and by just being there. How he is so passionate and so serious when he delivers BS messages. And even his FB wall posts is a daily reminder of how I should not stray from the Word of God, from my responsibility to share the gospel, from living a life of love, from admiring the bigness and awesomeness of God as who He is.

I'm really thankful for Simon and thankful to God too, for having big plans for him elsewhere where he could touch the lives of others too.

Wai Pheng is getting married in around two weeks time. I think I'm really blessed to have time to attend both her wedding ceremony and the dinner. It was Wai Pheng who brought me (and many others including Jon) to GLCC, and I am glad I came to this church. Wai Pheng has a special place in my heart - and I sincerely hope that she will have a wonderful marriage life.

Last night during our Romans Bible Study we discussed on how people are reluctant to talk about sin when preaching the gospel. They always preach about love, joy, peace in your heart when they talk about Christ, but that's not all what God is, and when you're not describing God as a whole, you're not describing Him as He is. God is also a righteous God, a holy God who abhors sin. And God's righteousness and holiness is part of who He is, making Him beautiful, magnificent and beyond compare. That's why if we do not deal with sin properly in our lives, we are in great danger - for God desires Christians to pursue after holiness.

So many times we tailor the gospel for listening ears in hope that it will be easier to accept. We blur out the uglier parts and emphasize on what people feel that they need in their hearts. But the gospel is for a listening heart - and I believe if we preach the full gospel as it is, the Spirit will grant understanding; and blessed are those who accept God in His terms, not on their own.

There are still many big and little issues I will have to spring-clean in my life and my prayer for 2012 is that I pursue holiness, pursue love, and have steadfast faith in Christ at all times.

When I'm Still Officially 24 This Year

Last days of 2011 whereby I have not officially reached mid-twenties. 2011 flies. Not the whole of it, but parts of it. The months just zoom by. I date day after day at work, then month after month. Now I've already been working for 5 months. No longer a newbie (but still clumsy and blur).

Many has said 2011 was a good year. Mine was full of blessings, full of grace. But I wish there could be more joy. I think the reason for this lack of joy is that I have not really savoured and tasted God to His fullest. He was there for me, but I was not always there. In fact you could say that I was instead always just 'half-there'.

How true it is when you take away God, nothing can truly satisfy. Family, boyfriend, friends, housemates, colleagues. All wonderful people I've been blessed with. I've enjoyed their companionship, been loved, guided, helped, and taken care of by them. And I am infinitely thankful towards them. But there's this gap that only God can fill. He's there, He's never given up on me. But I'm not always there to remember Him, cherish Him, and just be delighted in His presence.

So this is my earnest wish for 2012 - that I will always be close to God, that He will always be close to my heart in every thing I do and say. That I do the right things and think the right thoughts because I fear Him. That I love others because I love Him. That I strive to be righteous because He wants me to be holy. I don't think I need to break down what I want to do for different aspects of my life - home, work, friends, love. As long as God is in all these, it doesn't matter any more.

Been struggling in work in ways not everyone can understand. Been struggling with apathy at other times with my spiritual life, with my service towards God and others. Been struggling to preserve holiness in both my actions and thoughts; which is probably the most difficult of all. But the joy of the Lord is my strength. I pray for this strength in the remainder of this year, and the whole of future ones.

Of MRT Lines

I was 45 minutes late for work yesterday because something went wrong with Circle Line. It literally went round in a circle. After around 20 minutes of a futile ride, I was back in the station which I started out in. Took an alternative train route to Jurong East, but by then the last shuttle service to my company had already left. So I had to spend a little extra to ride on 193 (which is a snail on weekday mornings) to work. Could have taken a cab but that idea was not at all tempting due to the taxi fare hike this week itself. So I just texted my supervisor and proceeded to go to work the slow and sure way.

Today the one of the trains in North-South Line (red line) broke down, and passengers were stranded in the underground tunnel for more than one hour because the doors couldn't be opened. I was eating a (company sponsored) buffet dinner with my colleagues, and we were appalled by pictures of people smashing MRT glass windows (because we didn't know that they were stuck in the train for so long, with no air-con)! An after-effect of this was a terrible jam along Orchard roads and affected areas. Of course the cabbies got a booming business despite the fare hike.

News spread like wildfire, and despite negative images and comments on the line, I am still glad to read a FB comment posted as such: " Why ask for grace, if one can't even show grace towards a system that has been loyal in serving for years?" Of course things like this are easier said outside an MRT than inside it; but still it's a start. Not that such occurrences are excusable (Singapore won't survive if they happen so frequently), but from the point of view of a consumer, shouldn't we be a bit more forgiving towards these occurrences considering the irreplaceable service the MRT has provided in the past?

All that said I think Singapore ought to start investing heavily in getting more trains, and providing for emergency servicing for existing trains. They have been so over-used that they break down a lot, especially now. And with the expanding population, the need for public transport is higher than ever (not all can afford cars). Frankly speaking I'll rather do without all the new MRT lines coming up if they'd instead enhance the existing services we have right now. The butterfly effect of one day's service break-down towards the working class in particular is very significant.

Mistborn Trilogy Completed

I've finally completed the last book of the Mistborn Trilogy, The Hero of Ages. And that is no mean feat considering the fact that the only free version I've managed to find (without zip or rar), is here. Just click on the link and you'll see what I mean. Someone told me the font size is akin to reading an encyclopedia. I wouldn't have ploughed on with it if not for the fact that I've read the first two books.

As usual, Sanderson ends his stories grippingly. This book is filled with action scenes and revelations. After completing the trilogy, I see this guy more as an engineer than an author. The intelligent way he creates magic worlds (that fits into logic somehow), and open up them layer by layer by layer across his three books - that is no mean feat. And groundwork must be laid properly starting from the first book. There is hardly any conflict in his worlds, yet once you thought you knew something - well you just didn't know it well enough. Very well crafted. And that's what makes the whole trilogy appealing. As I have mentioned (or rather gushed about) before, the idea of Allomancy in itself is novel enough. But that is a just a small part of a big story.

Highly recommend for fiction/fantasy lovers, especially engineer book worms. Beats Harry Potter hands-down with regards to the creation of a magical world (in my opinion). :p I find it better than Hunger Games too, but of course they are kind of from a different fantasy genre. The main flaw I find in Mistborn is the romance between the two main protagonists borders corny-ness. Not really my type. But the rest of the book makes it bearable. :p

Now I'm deciding if I'm going to re-read this all over again, or go for another of Sanderson's work. I've read three of his now, and none disappointed me.

And So We Reach December

December now. I think months just fly by when work is concerned. We're required to sign and date at all our documentations at work. Each new date I date reminds me of each day passed. And it's so fast before we have to write down another number. 2012 seemed so far away. At first. Now it's near, and next year I'll be at the age Jon likes to call 'Christmas Cake'. I still feel like what I used to feel when I was a teen though. But physically I have aged much.

I'm getting more stable at work now, though I still make mistakes. But it feels good to be getting better at something new for once. I haven't been learning new things for a long time, and testing is somewhat new to me, although we do have lab sessions in NUS. But there wasn't so much wet chemistry involved. I used to dread pipetting, but now I'm very much used to it. My accuracy could be improved way more though.

Will be going home for Christmas in the next two weeks. Counting down for New Year in Singapore though, for the first time. Good chance to catch up with friends and have fun together. I'll be sharing a short Christmas message (Dawn too) during our Christmas caroling sessions. I haven't talked in public for a long time. Still haven't really thought of which approach I'd take to share.

Was initially rather appalled about sharing (because I have this vacant expression on my face every time I address a large group of people - in other words my charisma is level zero), but then later I was excited instead. I haven't had the chance to share the gospel for a long time. And the power of the gospel lies in the gospel itself, not the speaker. Where I am weak, God shows Himself strong. May God be glorified. Please pray for me as I prepare: that I am equipped with love, humility, and faith; and pray that hearts are prepared to receive the sowing of the seed.

Mistborn Trilogy

Stuck in this series now by Brandon Sanderson, but I only read it around certain times of the day. If I can be an Allomancer (or Mistborn), I'd burn pewter all day. According to Sanderson, pewter burners get enhanced strength/energy when they burn, but when used excessively they have what is termed 'pewter drag' (some energy knockout afterwards). Pewter burners heal quicker too, and suffer less pain and injury in battles. That's why they are called Thugs.

I always think Thugs are the most primitive Allomancers, primarily because only brute force is enhanced; but I now feel that it's could be useful for busy days. Since I'm not an Allomancer, and pewter would probably cause me severe digestion problems if ingested - I rely on coffee as an alternative instead. And it causes 'coffee drags' too.

I like Sanderson's writings - the Mistborn Trilogy is as exciting (if not more so), and almost as gripping as the Hunger Games Trilogy. There are two points in his work that I prefer over Hunger Games though: Firstly the element of mystery which I really appreciate in long novels, and secondly, he does not kill so brutally (at least not in the graphic sense), and he does not kill so many characters dear to your heart. Sadly I have a very large philosophical conflict with one of my favorite characters, Sazed. He seems to think that all religions matter because they represent hope. I think he downsized religion to a peanut. I believe in Christianity not merely because I need something to hope for. I believe because it is love, it is truth, it is hope, and it is power. It is a way of life. It is life.

And lately I feel so insecure with people. Not just lately, it's been for months now. I want to be that NUS freshie I was four years ago, or even the intern I was last year. One that was genuinely looking out to meet new people, to learn more about them and to share my life with them. I guess my zest for meeting new people have died out early, and every time I am with people that I'm not very close too, I close up like a clam-shell. I just feel that I'm not interesting enough, not friendly enough, and not loving enough. I'm not myself - there are so many layers of me I've yet to show.

Where's that part of me that enjoys building friendship? Was she shut out long ago by many other friendships that she didn't manage to sustain? Or am I just a loner pretending not to be one all the while?

Multi-tasking

I used to think I was good at multi-tasking. Doing a different number of things at the same time. Like talking on the phone and typing, managing a few computer windows concurrently, thinking about what to write in my FYP report when playing Tumblebugs, talking to Dawn while playing the piano, and watching TV while eating and reading a book (yes this is what I can do very well indeed).

But oh! Doing things in the lab just made me realize that I'm actually Level Noob in multi-tasking. A very humbling experience, and a good one too, as all humbling experiences are to me.

Today I was just asked to manage only two things concurrently, and I messed up a step in one of them. Although it was not something un-redeemable, and was easily rectified, it was a process that I've already run many times. And this was just with two (familiar) jobs on hand, and me still feeling in control, meaning I wasn't panicking or rushing or compelled with any emotions that leave my mind blank. Sadly whenever I'm pressured for time, and a number of things descend on me on the spot, my mind just blacks out and reels and doesn't now what to do next.

Well, today I made a mistake without being in that state of mind. Wonder what'd happen if it was something more important and I am on the verge of blacking out. (According to yesterday's training, this is called 'cognitive loading', and I suppose my load threshold is pretty small.) And initially I thought I could even take on one additional task on top of whatever I already had in hand.

Four months in this job has revealed to me the limitations of my multi-tasking abilities. I realize that I can multi-task quite decently when I am localized positionally (meaning I don't need to move around); but when I'm running around different rooms handling different stuff at the same time, I might forget things.

And how do I overcome this? My workload is already much lighter than all my colleagues, and I only have to account for myself mainly. How do I cope if one day I must manage running several different processes plus ad-hoc work plus checking on other people? How do I increase my cognitive loading threshold besides familiarizing myself with things? Sometimes there's no time to go through everything mentally beforehand like what I'm used to doing now to spot difficulties before they arise.

I need more practice and I hope I have the luxury of time for that before the lab gets really busy. And I'm really thankful to God for this training ground in things I'm weak at. I'm already better at my hands-on routine tests; now it's the mental part that is challenging.

111111

Just thought this date was rather significant. Looks like one a programmer might like. And I officially have no work today. Because yesterday I was on noon shift (101111 - oh look, another programmer-philic date), and I'll be on night shift next so technically it's the next day (121111).

But it's still another day like all other days. :)

I regret to say I haven't been doing much with my life lately except read tonnes of story books. I've even procrastinated answering my cousin's tutorial question which has been in my inbox for about a week already. :S

One knows one has read way too many Agatha Christie stories when one could predict most of the time 'who dunnit', AND the motive too. Trust me, she has a way of making murderers obscure by either making them too obvious, too likable, or too unnoticeable. She's an awesome story teller, really fleshes out characters well instead of merely going on with the plot. That's why I read her stories for the human element, as well as the mystery element.

Another book I've been interested to read lately is 那些年,我们一起追的女孩, mainly because the movie is heavily promoted in most MRT stations now, and it has received many good reviews particularly in Taiwan (not to mention it has very nice theme song). I'm not really interested in the movie (this type of romance doesn't go down too well with me, I like romantic comedies more); but the book should be interesting. I like the way how good Chinese authors write stories such as this: there should be many delightful quotable quotes.

"Hard Magic" vs. "Soft Magic"

I've been reading Brandon Sanderson recently. Love the way he wrote his two stand-alone novels: Elantris, and Warbreaker. He seems to have a fondness for creating fantasy worlds with chim names. I'm reading Mistborn now, which is a series rather than a novel.

I think recently I've been taken to fantasy stories. Still a big fan of Agatha Christie though. But I think my liking for fantasy is highly subject to how the author creates his/her fantasy world. How 'logical' are the events in the stories. Whether they follow the created 'rules of the world' or not.

In his website on fantasy writing tips, Brandon Sanderson categorized fantasy stories (those with 'magic') in a continuum in which one extreme is 'hard magic', and the other extreme being 'soft magic'. Hard magic are stories that have set rules in them, and although magic exist, they operate under certain constraints, and characters have to fulfill certain 'rules' to use magic. Soft magic is more towards 'magic' without any rules.

Take the famous Harry Potter series for example. The 'hardness' in the writing of the story falls in the fact that magic only occurs 1) when the character uses a wand, 2) the correct incantations are said and maybe other conditions like the wand is gestured properly. J. R. Tolkien's Gandalf in Lord of the Rings however uses soft magic. He doesn't have to explain how he does the magic. It is just there.

It's easy to create tension when writing stories that apply 'hard magic', because a character's abilities are definitely limited. In soft magic writing however, tension has to be created otherwise (e.g. Gandalf disappears after battling some evil creature, leaving Frodo and team to fend for themselves alone).

Sanderson's own stories, are said by himself to be of around 80% hard magic. I wouldn't say that the Harry Potter series are as 'hard' as Sanderson's fantasies, as some time here and there, some unexplained 'ancient magic' occurs to save Harry's skin. Sanderson's worlds, on the other hand, each have a distinct characteristic, and they pretty much abide by the rules most of the time. Even they don't, they don't deviate too far from them. And each 'world' he created are originally unique. Like Mistborn's character's abilities to use metal to create magic; and Warbreaker's Awakeners that use a person's 'Breath' to awaken objects. He is a creative man, and supports his created fantasy world well.

I wonder however of Sanderson's own perception of deity, for he uses deity as a common theme across all his stories, although in different ways. And all of them seem to imply that a person's religious belief is merely an extension of culture, and there is 'no right answer'. This is a 'logic' (if it were called to be so), that I am unable to comply with. If truth is truth, shouldn't it be absolute, and not relative? If there are 'many right answers', or 'no wrong answer' to a question, would the answer still be truth?

Therefore I would still tend to disagree when receiving comments like: there's no right answer to this problem; or you can't say absolutely that anything is wrong or right after all. In judging human behavior, everything still boils down to whether something is right or wrong, regardless of circumstances, and cultural aspects. And regarding God, He either exists or He doesn't, there's no such thing as "He exists if you believe Him to be".

There is a Hope

Funny how after last week both Simon and I thought it would be nice to be our funeral song.

There is a hope that burns within my heart

That gives me strength for every passing day

A glimpse of glory now revealed in meager part

yet drives all doubt away

I stand in Christ, with sins forgiv'n

and Christ in me the hope of heav'n!

My highest calling and my deepest joy,

to make His will my home.

There is a hope that lifts my weary head,

A consolation strong against despair

That when the world has plunged me in its deepest pit,

I find the Savior there

Through present sufferings, future's fear

He whispers "Courage!" in my ear.

For I am safe in everlasting arms,

And they will lead me home.

There is a hope that stands the test of time,

that lifts my eyes beyond the beckoning grave,

To see the matchless beauty of a day divine

When I behold His face

When sufferings cease and sorrows die,

and every longing satisfied,

then joy unspeakable will flood my soul,

for I am truly home.

Imagine everyone singing this, and meaning it, in a funeral. The same hope, the same destination. A time of looking forward rather than reminiscing.

Burden

So what happened was I made mistakes and they resulted in certain consequences for other people who were kind and responsible enough to take responsibility on what I've done. Not those deep dark dire ones but still, it causes a certain amount of displeasure/discomfort.

Three months are up and I still feel like instead of being a help, I'm dragging people backwards. People who have to look after me while doing their own work. People who do so willingly, and ever encouragingly. People whom I long to be a help to, but end up being otherwise. And people who even take initiatives to make me feel better afterwards.

I can't help being blur and making mistakes. I mean, I can help being so to a certain extent but it's really hard to not make mistakes all the time. Some can be salvaged but others harder to do so. All require extra time and effort on my part and on others to put right.

Perhaps I could start by being less emotionally vulnerable. Try to be less perturbed when something unexpected happens (in other words, when I do something wrong), put things right calmly, and not let the rest of my day and my work be affected by those mistakes. To not be an emotional burden, the little girl everyone has to take care of and be concerned about all the time.

I like being taken care of, but I guess it is immensely crucial that I learn to 'grow up' quickly in many ways. To be more independent. To be more careful. To make sure I'm fully alert and think through everything I've done. To take more initiatives. To exert better self-control over my emotions. To be less jumpy.

In a way I'm glad I went through this phase because I know how nice my colleagues are (what an understatement), and I appreciate them all the more because of this. I'm really touched by everything they did for me, the burdensome, boring newcomer launched by chance into their midst. But there needs to be a time limit for this 'learning period', and hence I will have to prepare to change myself in many ways.

Blessings

Sometimes, I just get too preoccupied in counting my blessings, that I forget - what God has gracefully given to me, He also has the right to take away. And these blessings are so beautiful, at times, they hurt when they are taken away. But what right have I to keep what's not mine in the first place?

I'm a person who stays within her comfort zone, and feel most secure there. But being in a comfort zone doesn't give much room for steps or leaps of faith.

So, one day, when this place feels too comfortable, it might be time to leave. I just feel like I could sit in this spot for years, not wanting to move, for all I want I have now, and I am contented. But one needs to be contented whatever his/her lot, for God always gives one enough, and beyond that.

Till the time of change, I pray that I wait and be prepared. When His work is done here, I move on.

The Greatest Distance

This is a much quoted line from one of Fish Leong's songs:

有人说

世界上最遥远的距离不是生与死

而是我就站在你面前 你却不知道我爱你

(Loosely translated as: Someone said: The greatest distance in this world is not the one between life and death; but it is when I'm standing in front of you, yet you do not know that I love you.)

I don't know why people fall head over heels over these lines, but I did not find it particularly interesting. Just those romantic soppy stuff that is overdone, says my over-logical brain. However they kept popping up here and there, in random quotes, in Facebook statuses, and of course in Fish Leong's song which is sometimes aired here and there. So it somehow got stuck in my brain.

However, after we studied Romans in last weeks' BS, these lines came back to my head again. And I felt that they were very very true.

Romans 8: 35 ~ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Then verses 37-38: For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

What dramatic verses, and what weight they carry describing God's love. Quoting Frederick M. Lehman's hymn "The Love of God", my favorite stanza goes:

Could we with ink the oceans fill

And were the skies of parchment made

Were every stalk on earth a quill

And every man a scribe by trade

To write the love of God above

Would drain the oceans dry

Nor could the scroll contain the whole

Though stretched from sky to sky

A love of such magnitude, and nothing could separate Christ's love for men. Yet men who in nature do not seek after God, and Him, separate themselves from receiving God's love by ignoring the fact that He loves them. Just like the way it is written in those Chinese lyrics. The greatest distance of all. But even this vast chasm never stopped God from reaching out to men because He loved them.

And being kept in God's love and knowing it: is like having every gap in your life filled, because even as the Apostle Paul went through tribulation, distress, persecution, famine, nakedness, peril, sword, and more; he was still so firmly convinced and unshaken in the knowledge of God's love for him - and all things work for the good for those who love the Lord. Do I have this same focus, and this same assurance in God's love for me, that I may give thanks for all things, be joyful in all things, be patient in all things, and love at all times?

The Right Place To Be

It's been months after I've started work, and there's always one thing that makes me envy Singaporeans. Not in the 'green in the face' way, but just a longing to have something they have: the privilege to go home from work everyday back to their families. In fact once a colleague told me she hasn't the desire to get married yet just because after that she won't be able to eat her mother's home-cooked dinner. I was thinking how lucky she is being able to eat with her family every day, and even after she's married they won't be too far away.

I go back home once a month now, and it seems like the weekend has barely passed when it is in fact already over. I've always asked myself why: why do I end up studying and working somewhere in a place away from home. For money? For career development? It's not like there are no jobs in Tampin. I know I'll be a flop in business but at least teaching might not be too disastrous if it's the only way for me to be able to spend all my life at home. (Although I'm not exactly cut out to be a teacher but I guess MOE won't fire me.)

I don't know why I did this long ago: maybe it just seemed OK because everyone is doing it. But now I'm here and I'm doing all this and I guess it's not easy to turn back. And it's not the first time, after saying so many hellos and goodbyes in life, that I wish all my family, relatives and friends could all stay localized in one place and I'll never lose touch of people so easily.

However last Sunday some volunteers from Logos Hope came to our church to share about how they went abroad the ship to volunteer. I don't know how this idea came about: but I somehow had this feeling that God doesn't desire His children to be localized. In fact we are supposed to share His gospel 'until the ends of the earth'.

Maybe that's why I came here to study and work. To meet people. To learn from them, love them, and share our lives together. No matter how you put it, I don't believe that it's God's will for us to 'pursue a career', or study in some discipline because you're made for that. God's will is all about people's lives and souls, not about us learning something and using that something to earn money so that we can survive in the remaining decades of our lives. Or gaining personal satisfaction, or even public acknowledgement.

By saying this I do not mean that the interests and the desire for knowledge is carnal and useless in the kingdom of God. But they must be used in the purpose of expanding His kingdom, and for His glory, not for personal gain. Teachers, architects, doctors, engineers, secretaries etc, all have a role in their professions in ministering to people, and making a difference to the people around them. But the fruits of their work is also largely influenced by the fact which is who they work for. Is it for the organization, for themselves, for their bosses, or for God?

Sometimes I tend to be disillusioned and work merely for mammon, because that is the talk on everyone's tongue and the measuring yard in everyone's hand. Sometimes I get disillusioned too, and work for progress because I feel that's where everyone who pinned hopes on me desires me to be. Sometimes I am disillusioned and work for stability, because I like to feel safe and secure. And sometimes I feel helpless when I know that I'm supposed to be working for a greater purpose, to genuinely love others, to be responsible, to maintain integrity, to glory God in all I do - yet I fall short.

It is still an uphill battle. I'm still struggling, and just feels heavy on my shoulders at times. But I thank God that I'm not alone, and He will work it out eventually. I thank God for this chance of seeing the weaknesses in my character as they are continuously revealed, learning not to be scared of them, and learning how to become better. I thank God for the chance to see and admire the strength and love in others, and learn from them too.

I thank God that I come to Singapore for a purpose He knows. It is possible that in the future I may be even oceans further away from home too, but I trust that wherever it is, it is the right place if He wants me there. And most of all, I trust Him to hide each member of my family under His wings in His tender loving care no matter where each of us may be.

More on Hunger Games

I finally finished the whole of the trilogy today. And oh! Book Three was so tragic. Before I reached half the book, I was like - could I please please just skip to the end? The last few pages and chapters, where there will be no more deaths, no more heartbreak? And of course I could (since no one could stop me), but I just couldn't put down. So hands gripping on my seat I read through everything.

Could just feel the pain when some of the characters died. :( Ending was rather bittersweet, but it was okay. It still ended on a positive note. (But nice endings can't bring back dead characters that grew on you right.)

So I guess unless you can take Book Three, don't start on Book One because from then on you'll be hooked and have no choice but to finish the whole thing.

Still. If you love a good story I recommend this book.

And on a completely unrelated note: I've just come to realize more and more how a guitar can't replace a piano. :( I should invest in a keyboard or something over here I guess. But stuff like that is so expensive and I'm still on stingy mode when it comes to money.

Hunger Games

I've been reading this trilogy sent to me by Mei in pdf format called Hunger Games. Please PM me if you want the full series.

I read the synopsis before starting and I would say that this is not my usual kind of book. My first impression of it through Wiki was this is going to be violent. And I don't like violent tales.

But it turned out that the amount of violence it actually portrayed is merely at the Harry Potter series level. But the emotions within run high. There are issues and feelings people can actually identify with. They are currently making a movie out of it too. But I do not think I will watch it. The movie will contain bloodshed which the book manages to acceptably conceal.

I shall try and share the background with minimal spoilers.

This futuristic science fiction is set in North America, then called Panem, years ahead of time, under the control of a central government Capitol. The country is divided into 12 different Districts, in which Hunger Games is an annual event. During that event, each district, will 'reap' two children aged between 12 - 20 (a male and a female), to participate in the Hunger Games, at which all 24 participants from 12 districts fight to their death for days or weeks in an unknown arena (equipped with weapons and natural/unnatural catastrophes), with only one surviving victor. The victor would be elevated in status and showered with money and gifts, which means a lot to the impoverished districts.

The story is narrated from the point of view of Katniss Everdeen, a Hunger Games participant. I love the details the author Suzanne Collins puts in the construction of the Games: Katniss' different costumes (particularly enjoyed this), special trainings and performances, how the character and design of the game affect Katniss. My favorite character across the trilogy however is Peeta. I love how this plain baker's boy evolved with such character and determination, displaying unexpected talents along the way. Some critics remark that Peeta was 'thinly imagined'. I think he's alright, but it would be great if we knew as much about Peeta, his thoughts and feelings, as we do Katniss.

Suzanne Collins tells a story as well as (or maybe better) than J.K. Rowling in Harry Potter. There are a lot of touching quotes throughout too. I was drawn mainly by her full construction in the mechanics of the game, how the system operates, how the people in the Capitol differ from those in the Districts. Then the interplay if Katniss emotions plus her relationship with Peeta holds me on. It's really worth a read.

Both this trilogy and Harry Potter draw me toward the same conclusion: how much we need God. Both series portray a battle between good and evil, in different ways; in how society struggles to get a 'good' dominating power in place. The Harry Potter series ends on a positive note, Hunger Games in a more realistic tone. What I feel is man can never be able to construct a truly good life/community for themselves. The struggle, the pain, the losses, and the incomplete victories easily overturned within a very short time - these are very real, because man is never perfect and never will be.

For a perfect world we need a perfect God. And this world is not our perfect world. However because of the imperfectness of this world, we get to hope on the next world, in fact the whole universe yearns for this perfect world so much that it has birth pangs of pain. Only God can put things right. Men can never stop this bleeding gnash inflicted by sin. They can only depend on God and if they do, they will not be disappointed.

Making Mistakes

I know people make mistakes, and accidents happen.

But if by saying the above sentence means the probability of mistakes/accidents happening = 0.5 or any statistical fraction, why does the probability of me making mistakes/accidents = 1?

That's why whenever I hear stories about 'who did what' in the lab, instead of thinking stuff like 'oh so he/she did that wrongly, shall take note and not repeat it", I always have this extra nagging feeling that "that thing could have been done by me too".

Sigh. Sometimes I think (or maybe I know) I'm a clumsy walking catastrophe.

Fortunately the thing that happened today wasn't that big. Well it was kind of serious but it could have been worse. Much worse. And I'm thankful it hasn't come to that. (Yet.)

However it makes me feel like every time I advance three steps in work, I retreat at least two when I do things like this. Plus all the undeserved patience and guidance and concern I received. It makes me feel both very touched and very guilty.

But if this is the way God wants me to learn humility: I'll say let the accidents happen and the mistakes be committed. If that's the only way for me to learn how to be careful and alert all the time, and think ahead and think on my feet; I'll say better now than later when things become bigger and consequences become more serious.

I can't help being clumsy, it's in me and it's part of me. But I can rely on God to overcome. Dear God, help me learn how to learn. Help me willingly learn how to learn Your way - even though it might not be the one I want to go through. Help me be thankful for these opportunities to learn.

Not Nine

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. How many fruits of the Spirit are there?

Just found out that in Greek, the word for fruit is 'karpos', and it is singular. There's only one fruit of the Spirit, and that one contains all nine graces.

I just found this out a few days ago, and the knowledge has particularly encouraged me. Particularly because I've been struggling with some of these graces. And wondering why after so many many years of being a Christian, I am still not there? Still not half there?

But as pastor has shared in the past few weeks, sometimes Christians burden themselves with a list of do's and don'ts. However, grace is not about those, but what has already been done. It is not my own righteousness I'm depending on, for I have none at all. It's Christ's. And the fruit of the Spirit, they are not mine but the Spirit's to bear. And because now I am free from sin's bondage, I have the liberty to show forth this fruit. And by being able to show forth this 'one' fruit, I can also show forth all nine graces in the fruit.

Sanctification is still an on-going process. But it's feels so much lighter to know, to reckon, it's not me it's dependent upon. It is Him who is doing the work. There's so much hope in knowing so for I know that through myself I can do nothing, but because it's God who's working, it can be done, it will be done.

Otherwise, it just feels so heavy. Still carrying burdens on my shoulder when God is already carrying me through. I've grown up believing in and relying on works. Because I know works are in a sense, manifestations of grace. But sometimes too much focus on works, to 'produce results' makes me undermine the power of grace to produce such 'results' and beyond.

It has been so tiring. But thank God everyday I can come to Him and lay down my burdens. And start with a new source of strength, not my own, but His.

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

Work has been going on well so far. I am still learning many new things, and am improving in my hands-on lab practices.

What is worrying me is my desire to look for a purpose in work is quenched somewhat. The routine tasks, the increasing comfort of settling down, does obscure that part of myself one whole year ago, to look for something special in what I'm doing.

Where is that special purpose? I do not need to suddenly pop out and wave itself in front of me all at once. But I just need to remind myself always, that it is there. And it's not enough to work to earn $$. Or even just to work so that I can learn more things. Or meet more people. I'm still waiting.

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

Am also thinking of starting some project of my own (with all the non-working hours I have), but have been too lazy. To write something, to compose, or to help out in forums like I did last time. Or maybe improve my Chinese/ English.

Hmm.

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

Changed my blogger theme because the feeling of it being 'not me' is getting stronger. This current one doesn't look very nice yet, I know. But it will do for the meantime when I look for another theme that suits myself more.

Reading News

Yesterday I just discovered that The Star Online has news in Malay too.

It's been a long time since I've read proper articles in Malay. And I was rather shocked by the fact that some words already seem foreign to me. Words that I could spout automatically when essay writing during Form 5 days (my Malay deteriorated rapidly when I was in Form 6, both spoken and written). Very common words like 'gejala', 'menonjolkan', 'masyarakat majmuk'.

I think I should start reading (and maybe writing) material in this language again. I don't want what I've learned for years to dwindle until what is left behind is a mere ability to chatter in coffee shops. I've started out in this language from scratch, became comfortable in it, and mastered it eventually. I don't think I want to let this go to waste.

It's the same for my Chinese. Ever since there's no Chinese software in my laptop, I haven't been writing in Chinese much.

Personally I think Malaysians are very fortunate to be exposed to so many different languages from young. If I was not force fed these three languages all the way since Primary school I think there would be a very high chance of me giving one or two of them up half way (most likely Bahasa Melayu as it felt most foreign to me). But learning all these has exposed me to the different ways people think and feel through the way they express themselves verbally and in the written form. A same piece of article expressed in all three different languages appeal differently to my sentiments. And most importantly, because I could feel these different sentiments, I could somehow identify myself better as a Malaysian, instead of being just me.

To me, English is beautiful in a classical way. It has a long history, but somehow it feels modern to me when I read views from people. It is far stretching and diverse, and identifies with both my logic and emotions. The Chinese language however, feels closely tied to its roots. Each word carries a certain weight. Somehow Chinese always feels weighty to me. A very short sentence, when disassembled word by word, can bring out very wholesome meanings. And somehow this is coupled with a broad sense of grandeur. And finally the Malay language. It feels romantic, in a Malay sort of way. It always appeals to emotions and sentiments. This may be weird but when I read fictional stories in Malay, at the recess of my mind there is always a very visual layer of color to it. Some dusky color, like yellow or pink in the sunset. If English stories have a color to me, then it's white. For Chinese stories, they are colorless.

As much as I appreciate different languages, I don't think I have the will to learn a new one today (except maybe Thai, since I watch lakorns a lot and have already picked up stray words and greetings here and there). I think there's enough to do just trying to keep these three languages I've learned as a part of myself.

A First Neighborly Conversation

OK I admit it. It's not the Singaporean HDB culture or anything that has caused me to be so aloof from my neighbours. I think it's just me.

I've been staying in Kovan for two months plus plus now and sadly with the exception of day one or two when the uncle staying downstairs has come up to complain of the noise we made in the middle of the night dragging furniture on the floorboards; I haven't really talked to any of my neighbours properly.

Jon has been doing quite well though. He's been stalked by a young girl upstairs, made friends with her dog and her dad, and also known the uncle who stays downstairs.

I haven't been making any progress except saying 'hi' and 'bye' to the same girl upstairs, and all these random mutual acknowledgements (or anyway you put it) are initiated by her. She's really friendly but I do get a bit at loss of what to say with people for the first few times unless they initiate the conversation. Even though she's a very outgoing (and very very cute) five year old kid. She's definitely one of those kids that Dawn would be head over heals in love over.

Anyway today when she came down the stairs to say hello to me when I came back from work, I managed to find our her name, her age, and how old her sister is. (So far all I know about her + family is her dog's name.) Maybe I should start knowing her family members better too. I have definitely lost out to this 5 year old kid in terms of neighborliness. In fact the maid I see washing the car each morning when I leave for work has taken the initiative to say hello to me too. :S

Sigh. I really am very anti-social.

I want a piano

I want a piano here. My imaginary one is perfect in all ways except there's no sense of touch. :(

Btw I like this version's rendition of JJ Lim's song. Btw the girl is 15 years old.

I want to play it! And I want to play lots of other stuff too.

Of Stoning

I don't know why I just feel like writing about this.

I have a very active brain, particularly when my mouth is closed. When I'm talking or absorbed in doing work, my brain activity is less defined. But when I'm keeping quiet or just thinking/observing (excluding the times I listen to music), I talk to myself in my head loud and clear.

Everything is going fine at work now, but I think I converse to myself too much in the lab, to an extent I find it queer. Because I still find it hard to join into group conversations even with my team mates which I feel closer to now than before. And now I even imagine that my head-conversations are loud enough to be heard by someone. I haven't identified who this someone is but I seem to be having this weird idea that someone can hear those thoughts.

Anyway, of course Whoever It Is does not exist and I am simply thinking too much. (And am being a bit too anti-social, but that can't be helped. Believe it or not, I'm already trying my best to be sociable already, with very slight improvements.)

I also 'stone' a lot when I'm taking car rides or bus rides home. The long uninterrupted kind (e.g. sitting at the back of JonC's car home from BS, or taking afternoon shift bus home) especially. Music helps this form of stoning. Then I think about people, and events that have passed, and things I've done and said. I feel old when I recall hostel days in RH and midnight walks, and think 'those were the days'. I like the color of the black night sky contrasted against the road lights, and the white lights of the buildings, and the trees in the dark. It feels nostalgic but for what reason I don't know.

Anyway just received a bit of encouragement today with regards to my kinetic weakness from a colleague. He said he strongly believed anyone could do anything if they tried hard enough. I know this too. But it was a good reminder of what I told myself when I took up this post. I knew it would be a lot of hands-on work which does not exactly go very well with a clumsy person like me. But I promised God and myself that I will try my best; and even though I can't promise a perfect job each time, I can promise a job that I have already done everything I could do in.

Wai Pheng and her brother Wan Meng will be leaving us this weekend. :( I will miss Wai Pheng a lot! Somehow she always makes me feel special, and is very special to me too. Feel blessed knowing her, and all the nice people around me too.

Monday Morning Blues

I just realized how much worse morning shifts are compared to night shifts. I made the great big mistake of not getting my daily morning caffeine dose before going to work because I thought I already had enough sleep (which was true). I was super blur the whole day. Thankfully I didn't have any work assigned or training for the whole day. Just answer knowledge assessment questions posed by my supervisor to get my training modules cleared.

I wish my brain has a larger memory card because there are so many nitty gritty points-of-caution I need to remember! So far the only way I'm remembering things extra quickly and effectively is through making mistakes and getting horrified by them. This is not fun at all :(

Anyways today we are having some mini-mooncake festival celebration with the free mooncakes Jon got. Too bad this is going to be a hazy mid-Autumn. It spoilt our sight-seeing attempt at Marina Square yesterday too. The two Jons' and me wanted to walk down to look at the Merlion but even ice-cream can't put right the negative effect of the hazy air.

End of First Shift Cycle

I just finished my night shift and this is the end of my first shift cycle at work! :) I'm lucky to have an off-weekend my first round of shift. I need to recharge!

Night shifts didn't turn out to be nightmares after all. One of my favorite time during the shift was around 6 a.m. in the morning where the melody of Singapore's National Anthem will be played (to remind the working class their role as Singaporeans). It reminds me of late night studies with Jon in McD when we heard the National Anthem too. And it gives me a nice feeling of how many Singaporeans I know love and care about their country. It's also feels inspiring and uplifting (they changed it from G to F major in 2001 for that effect, apparently).

My favorite arrangement/rendition of Singapore's national anthem is here around time 0:36 (this clip was part of Singapore's 2011 National Day Celebration). It's not at awesome as say, Les Miserables, but I can feel it's sincerity. Somehow I like the little boy's voice a lot. :) And I must say that Singapore does have a nice national anthem! Pity not everyone knows what it means exactly because it's in Malay.

If We Hold On Together

This is a song I must say is most beautifully written and composed.

I had to embed this video because I couldn't find a better version that can be shared :(. It is originally from The Land Before Time, but I like it sung by Diana Ross more... I can really feel the song when she sings, if you know what I mean. It is so, so, so full of hope! Every sentence, every line brims with warm, beautiful hope. And a very apt song for our RH Orientation every year.

Don't lose your way

With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith, hope & glory
Hold to the truth in your heart

Chorus:

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

Souls in the wind
Must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end
Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying
Someone is praying
Please let us come home to stay

*Chorus

Bridge:

When we are out there in the dark
We'll dream about the sun
In the dark we'll feel the light
Warm our hearts, everyone

*Chorus

I didn't really notice this song when I watched Land Before Time. So all my memories with regards to this are connected to RH, and to NUS as a whole. It makes me miss hall now I'm listening to it. The first time when it was played, we saw all our seniors with lighted candles behind us. It made me feel so hopeful with regards to my university life. (Yes, I'm spamming the word 'hope' now.) It reminds me: Don't give up what you're here for. Although every day can be very mundane, although the big picture can become smaller, don't lose your way.

It reminds me, most of all, of all the love, care, and hospitality given to me by my hall seniors, and my Malaysian MSL seniors in helping me settle down. I don't think I've really given back to hall and school this way, but this is something that deep down in my heart, I'll always appreciate and remember. And this has always given me a very good perception towards Singapore: That no matter where you are at, there are people who are there who would help you out, without asking for things in return. I don't say I take them for granted, but I appreciate the help when they are there.

The first week I've arrived, my luggage was carried, my room checked in for me, was taken out and around. Was guided through hall systems, was involved in block suppers, was asked about what I was good at and how I could fit into the hall system. Was shown love and care in so many ways that it is impossible for me to give back the same way.

Somehow this feeling is here all over again at work. I think where I work is awesome in a sense that no matter which lab I work in, be it when I was an intern, or as a new staff like now; there are people who unconditionally help me settle down, put me at ease and assure me they would be around. When I was placed in this new 4-person team, I knew nothing about my colleagues. I seldom communicated with them (except ask where things were put) before I started my shift work. I didn't get the chance to lunch with them due to my training timings. I was apprehensive with regards to working with them, because they were already familiar with each other but not with me.

But thank God they are really awesome people. Frankly speaking I think compared to them I am relatively boring (someone who only surfs the net, reads books and goes window shopping - not even watch movies!! when she's free), and I don't talk a lot about gadgets and recent news and stuff. But they've showed me in loads of ways that they care. Like when I couldn't get through my hand punch. Like checking on me tonnes of times (despite being very busy) how my solution prep was going on without me asking them for help. Telling me about each other. Helping me sort my lunch box out amidst 30 over boxes, and unpacking my utensils for me. Taking me home and insisting that the bus driver send me home first to ensure I'm home safely. Emailing the transport IC for me when the bus driver said his bus was too big to turn in to where I stay. And above all, telling me off when I thank them. :p

It is very humbling to have senior colleagues to do all these small things to me. I seriously don't deserve to work with such nice people. And it frustrates me, sometimes, to burden them and to rely on them so much. But on the other hand, it feels nice warm and fuzzy. They say I am too formal with the thank-you's but I know there are things that I can't thank them enough. Even though it has just been 5 days into shift work. And oh, how can I thank God enough for blessing me with all of them. And how can I love them enough the way He does...

I just pray that this most important lesson I've learned from my lab will stay with me forever. To love, to give unconditionally. Not just because I've been treated thus, but this is what I should always always do. It is not easy for me. But I don't think it's that easy for others too. I've been living in too many small comfort zones that I should move out of and I know I need to. I pray and hope that I will and always will.

Patience

Patience is seriously a virtue in others that I need now.

That's why I feel very thankful when my team lead just says 'never mind', 'try again', 'relax' and 'jiayou' whenever I muff up my training tests. It takes away my stress of getting things done 'right first time' (though I still try very hard to), and by doing and doing again, I actually remember to get things done properly and the sequence at which a test is performed.

I really need to have better kinetical/muscle control. That can measure small volumes, carry large objects, reach heights, weigh fluffy powders and avoid spillages. I take a long time to do stuff, and despite doing so I still make mistakes. My poor team lead had to waste so much time just these two first days of shift checking through my work and answering my questions and waiting for me to finish up things. Thankfully he had the ability to multi-task.

But still I really am liking to go to work although I feel the stress to try and constantly get things done quickly and accurately, to reduce my liability of newness and inexperience in the team, and in the laboratory. It's the people that make or break my work experience, ultimately, and although I haven't formed strong bonds with most of my colleagues, they do try to include me in things. However, I can't keep on thinking and acting like I'm new forever. I still have this mindset and I realize that I have to change that so that I can really be productive.

Cycling at East Coast Park

Went to East Coast Park to cycle on Monday with Jon. It was drizzling slightly although NEA's weather report said it was going to be cloudy only. Still, it was OK because when we started cycling proper the rain almost stopped.

Just realized that cycling is really one of the (few) outdoor activities I like! However I have slight trouble mounting and dismounting from the bike (height issues), and my bottoms get sore rather quickly so I can't ride for very long. But it's nice to sail along the road and just feel like 'getting along' to somewhere leisurely without having to walk! (How lazy I am.)

East coast park is a nice place to cycle in firstly because it's really BIG and you can just go on for kilometers along it, and stop by here and there to watch people fish, skate, bike, camp etc. The road is in very good condition too, unlike in Pulau Ubin where we have to go on rocky stretches and sandy areas sometimes.

I don't really know why I enjoyed the experience. I did not really look around for scenic views around me when I was biking, because I was too busy keeping my eyes along the road. I wasn't too good at steering and there were young kids skating about and crossing the road here and there. Didn't want to crash into them. But it felt nice just 'following' the road mechanically and just riding on and on and on.

Somehow I think that's how I'm like too. Sailing along the road and riding on and on and on in a routine, and just feeling good about it.

But that's not enough - there's more to life than that.

His Dwelling Place

I didn't exactly share this during BS today because I haven't gathered my thoughts about it. But when we watched the video on how much God loved men, so that He dwelt amongst them I was very touched.

God in the heavens approached Abraham, and later brought the people of Israel out of Egypt in the form of a pillar of cloud and a pillar of fire. He then dwelt among the people in the Ark of the Covenant - not just a part of Him, but the whole of Him. When the Israelites settled down, God dwelt in the temple King Solomon built and the temple was filled with His glory.

When the temple was destroyed by the Assyrians, God dwelt amongst men centuries later, in the physical form of Jesus Christ. Then when Jesus died and was resurrected, God dwelt in His children in the form of the Holy Spirit.

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body," (1 Cor. 6:19-20).

At first I thought it was really un-thought of for God to dwell in the Ark. After all it was just kind of a box, even though it was a box made of gold. And what was Solomon's fine temple to Him? Merely a destructible human structure. And Jesus coming down to dusty, dry, Israel, living a normal life without any comfort.

But finally what struck me the most was God choose to dwell in us now, in our bodies as a temple. Which is hardest to dwell in - the golden ark, the temple, the land of Israel - or a body of a man? I think that body is the hardest place. The body which is the unredeemed part of ourselves, which often is a launchpad to sin. The body which is a Christian's continuous source of struggle to live a holy life.

And God did not despise our bodies, but rather cherished our redeemed souls to reside in it.

Today during lab training I made a number of mistakes. I felt really bad, because I felt that I did not do justice to the effort my trainer put in to teach us. I wanted to do well, just to please him, for he had really been a good teacher.

Yet God has done so much more for me, but I sometimes do not desire to please Him as much. I like how Simon put it last week (I wasn't present for BS but Jon took notes). He said we should confess our sins daily, aloud. So that we become disgusted with our sins, and identify with God's contempt for sin. Only then we would strive to be holy. To be like God - to honor Him through our bodies. God should not be staying in a defiled temple.

I pray that my body would be a clean and holy dwelling place for Him. It takes effort to clean up. But when we know who we're doing it for - and what He has already done for us, it is a pressing and necessary deed.

Aloha Hols

An unexpected stretch of holidays coming ahead for me! I won't be working next Monday - Thursday. Monday is Singapore's presidential elections off-in-lieu holiday and Tuesday is Hari Raya. Wednesday and Thursday are the days I start shift, and it so happens that my team is 'off' or resting that day. So my supervisor decided to let me untung two days and hence I suddenly have a nice stretch of six days free (including the coming weekend).

Some of my colleagues and my supervisor suggested that I go home but in the end I've decided against it because:

1. I've already went home this week, and going home often is a very tiring business (I hate crossing customs). Also this means that I'll most likely come back late which will make me tired for my first seven-day shift marathon. And besides I don't want Daddy to drive all the way down to Malacca to fetch me during school days.

2. We're having a cooking session on Saturday to cook for the Sunday school teachers of our church. As I hardly serve much in my current church this is kind of an occasion to serve which I don't want to miss out.

3. I want to spent one of my rare FREE weekends in Singapore with my church friends. Seeing that most of my other free weekends are most likely going to be spent at home in the future.

4. OK this is probably not the most exciting plan for a long holiday but I need to review all my training modules too otherwise I will forget everything during shift and probably no one would be free enough to help me check through every teeny weeny step I've done and pounce on my mistakes. They always say it's stressful to do stuff with pairs of eyes watching, but I've always been grateful for those eyes. Unfortunately, this luxury is going to end after my day-training sessions.

5. I want to catch up with a few persons during this long break. Let's see who I can dig out.

6. I want to have some me-time (a day of it) on Wed & Thur. Don't ask me what I'm doing, even I don't know. But narcissistics need 'me-times', and I belong to that gang. It's either for improvement or leisure purposes. Need that time to prep myself up for shift.

Waking and Learning

I'm getting a bit tired of this waking up marathon already. But wait till shift work starts! I'm sure it will make me miss my regular routine.

But once I get up and reach the bus stop it's not so bad. At least I can sleep on the bus. And I'm getting to know so many new people from different departments too. I'm glad my month of newbies all bonded together quite well. They are fun people.

I'm learning a tonne of new things at work everyday. Really I didn't expect to learn so much. I had to narrow down options and put boundaries around the things I absorb each day to make sure that I don't get too much to take in. At first I really thought lab is about entering data into systems, and doing hands-on testing. But it's fun to learn about the systems themselves. We're going deep into chromatography now, and I got to ask the trainer on how the system works (in the scientific sense), something that I've learned about in my chem engineering modules.

I think even after two years, I'll still be absorbing new knowledge. There are no end of things to learn, and that is what exactly I would want a job I undertake to be like. Continuous learning, in many different ways.

Giving

Today Simon shared a testimony. He gave his Bible away to a lady in Philippines who made a decision after his message. She promised to read it every day. It was not easy for him to part with that Bible - it has accompanied him for many years and it was his favorite Bible. Yet he did, he parted it and entrusted it to a stranger, who is now a sister in Christ.

I just find it hard to do the same if I was in his shoes. I have three personal Bibles. One English KJV and a Chinese Bible from Mummy. Also another Chinese Bible from Daddy. Just wondering what I'd do if I was asked to give away any of them. The English KJV one with Mummy's writing and message inside? Or my old Chinese Bible that has been with me since I was 8 or 9. Or my newer Chinese Bible from Daddy which is the first Bible he has ever given me shortly after he accepted Christ?

I just think that if I need to, I will have to - a person's soul is dearer to God than any worldly possession is to me. And God loves a cheerful giver (though I'd cry buckets of tears at the same time after parting).

Some decisions are difficult. I was not asked to make this one. But I'm sure that this is not going to be the hardest decision / separation in my whole life. Indeed, sometime we are even called to give someone dearest to our hearts. He giveth and taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

House Warming and Other Stuff

Went to Swee Yee + Sijia's + Zjun's house yesterday to warm it up with human presence. Zjun wasn't around because she went for overseas training. They cooked us a nice dinner (which I suddenly recall we didn't pay for, opps). I think it was my first 'Coca-Cola Chicken' experience, thanks to Sijia. We talked a lot, and came home late. Still it was worth it catching up with Swee Yee, Sijia, Zhi Qi, Shu Ying, and Lee Hoong (who kept saying the wrong things).

It took a long one hour plus trip to get there and another to return. But Jerome, Jon and I were playing a silly game on the MRT so I was practically laughing all the way back. It's something that goes like 'Ways to Get a Seat on MRT' or other silly topics like that and each of us have to give one solution till we run out of ideas.

We had a nice afternoon after-church outing in BV eating chicken rice too, which ended with us playing Board Games at our place (JonT, JonC, Gid, WM, and myself). I love our place becoming some board game hub now! Hopefully I still have time for that when I'm on shifts.

Going home is going to be a bit tricky now bus return tickets are sold out. Will have to look for other bus companies for alternatives.

And today I'm the only new staff in my lab without a user id. Reason being I was an intern before this and the US IT branch wants reasons on why my account was deactivated earlier. Sigh. I do dislike these forms of business communications.

Orientation

The first day of my official New Employee Orientation is over. I expected to be bored because this is the 2nd time I'm going through this (went through it just last year as an intern). In the end it turned out not too bad. I think this is a good refresher course - because I've already forgotten the names of the big-shots heading the US headquarters. And oh no, I still can't remember most of them even now!

It was also my 2nd time fighting fire with a fire extinguisher. Took a smaller one because I knew that I couldn't use the big ones properly as I'll have trouble lifting them. Glad I managed to extinguish the fire by myself this time! I could extinguish it last time too, but I think it was because of all the prompting coming from the side. :S

And the best best best part of today was (besides getting an enormous lunch for just $2, complete with fruits + drinks + free salad), getting to go back at 4.30 p.m! And I reached home 20 minutes earlier than usual - even after dropping by the library in NEX and borrowing 4 books! Also, tomorrow I can take the 7.50 am bus instead of the usual 720 am/730 one. AN EXTRA 15 - 20 MINUTES OF MORNING SLEEP!

On an unrelated note: I'm really getting to like Julia Golding's books more and more. Think she specializes well in fantasy fiction stories. I don't know what I'm going to read after I've finished all her books and Agatha Christie's collection in the library. :S

Home Last Week, and other random stuff.

I went home last Friday - or to be more precise, the train left around 12 am on Saturday. Spent about a day and a half in Tampin celebrating my birthday, and just hanging around at home.

It was very tiring to travel back in the middle of the night (poor Daddy had to wake up to fetch me). I tried not to sleep to much during the day but in the end I spent 3 hours napping in the afternoon. :S So much for thinking that my new working schedule ( 9 am - 5 pm as of now), has reduced my need for naps. When shifts start, naps will be THE way of life.

I have decided to find a way to avoid train trips from Tampin back to Singapore in the future. I don't mind enduring it all the way back home (5 hours and maybe more for a 3 hour trip), because it's easy for Daddy to come out and fetch me, but I don't see a point spending 7 hours travelling back (door to door), and having to wake up as early as 5.50 am the next morning.

Anyway that aside. I think I like my job! It's not something usual in a sense that doing lab work is not one of my core competencies (if I have any, that is). Documentation is, but testing is not. I need to always be very, very cautious. Everything must be done in the first run (or else). And my supervisor is really very careful with paperwork (and everything else). He's a very good role model. But that means that he would expect the chemists in the lab to be likewise - which is in a sense rather stressful. But still, he's a nice superior to work with.

I think my colleagues is the reason why I don't have Monday blues (at least till now). They are fun and friendly people. :D

Oh yes. Something I always wanted to blog about long ago. I was stuck with manga 'Liar Game' a month ago. Watched the movie, and finished reading the manga (up to the latest version which was done about one year ago). Would highly recommend this for people who like thinking. Lots of delicious intellectual twists here and there (though quite predictable), and interesting characters. The full version of the manga can be found online.

Okies that's all for this post. Tomorrow I'll need to be up 10 min earlier than usual so as not to miss the orientation bus (you are not expected to understand this term).

Actual Training Day 2

Today we learned pipetting. Through which I reaffirmed that I'm not too good at handling hands-on stuff, and my muscles get stiff quite easily. And on top of that, I have the tendency to rush and not get things done thoroughly. Need to take note of that in the future. Hopefully I can improve on that in my subsequent training sessions. Am thankful that my trainer is very, very, very patient and positive. He's nice.

Both my supervisors are nice too. One of them actually stayed behind late for his lunch because both me and another new colleague finished our training late, and he wanted to talk to us. After that he accompanied us to lunch after all the other chemists have left, and even waited outside the girls toilet for us to change out of our lab coats and get our things (and you know girls take some time to do that). Both of us didn't expect this, and I was personally quite touched. He's also very kind and assuring - letting us know that there will be help all the way as we try to grasp the ropes.

I was doing some transactions at POSB after work and the lady at the counter wished me happy birthday in advance. POSB is really upholding its motto: neighbours first, bankers second. And when I reached home - apparently there was a whole pack of people in the kitchen and those who came later (Jon, WM, Gid, Piang, Swee Yee, Andrew, Wenqiao, Jerome, Waipheng, Aziiii): most of which from RH last time :D They came to celebrate my birthday. So I'm sleeping late tonight but its worth it. A few of them stayed back to play board games. I was in my favorite role: banking and watching people fight each other. :D

Tomorrow is SOP day! Hope I won't be too sleepy for it. I AM enjoying work so far, though I still hate waking up early.

Actual Training Day 1

Today was training day one and I spent the whole day learning how to use balances (the kind you use to weigh stuff). It was quite interesting I must say (the theory and rationale of doing things) and we're (I and my new colleague who also just came in) going to pick up more complicated equipment and testing methods soon.

Came to realize more and more that working hours in my lab IS going to be very fast paced and packed. There will be a lot of moving around too - we are doing testing in various different labs and are not sticking at one place all the time. This kind of routine work with a bit of time-juggling here and there is what I like. :D Also there is going to be A LOT of documentation, but I love documentation. My problem is that my motor skills somehow, till now, are a little less refined. In other words - I'm a bit clumsy especially when holding delicate stuff. :S

Still I survived 4 years in NUS labs without coming near to damaging anything or causing spillages/accidents. I hope that track record lasts.

It's fun being at work (for the time being) but when I come home I do feel tired. Going to sleep now :)