留下来的人

如果说
真正在乎的人
是别人抢不走的
而那人走了
是因为不在乎
我认为这样的思想可以很狭隘很危险
因为它把一个维持感情的责任
单单牵系在一个人的在乎
而往往这样认为的人
总是期待自己是被在乎的那位
然而别人的心你又能掌控多少
能改变掌握的
最多最终也只是自己
因此爱不是被动的等待在乎
而是主动的付出在乎
因为敢在付出时受伤的人
才配得拥有。

First iPhone blog post

This is my first time blogging on a bus with my phone! I never thought I could get used to typing long posts or emails with a touch pad, but apparently with auto correct its not so bad after all.

Some things I want to share now is the lessons God put me through last week and this. Last week was  went through with a general feeling of unease. Small petty things. Until I finally shared withy colleague that I felt that I wasn't growing in my job anymore. Felt it especially last week when there was little testing to be shared among all of us, and every one else had non routine or task force related stuff to do except me. Besides making sure that my designated area was clean and all that, I felt that I had no extra responsibilities at all.

I was upset because of my stagnant growth in knowledge and competency. In fact as I do not foresee any changes in this state at least short term wise, I actually seriously contemplated a job change once my promised two years in this lab are up. But when I was mulling this over God reminded me that it is not a change in job that I needed. I went up to the third floor, met some people from Quality, and then, momentarily detached from the lab I was in, I was back to my IA days. The sights and the smells reminded me again of that girl earnest to learn and who was aggressive in pursuing new knowledge and relationships despite the odds of having not so many platforms to do so.

And then God put these words in my mind: it's not competency, but character that matters more. Yes I am in this job not so much to grow myself than to serve my colleagues and the end users of our drugs. To finish a work in the hearts of some people I grew to know more and more of, and whom I grew to care for. To learn how to learn things without being spoon fed, to love knowledge, but even more, to love people. To respect my superiors, to pray but not to complain even though it is what everyone does.

Pastor shared about his little experiment growing taugeh. He apparently used this once to symbolize dying to live and suddenly my Facebook page was flooded with pics of growing taugeh in the homes of church members. Then the week after he tried to grow taugeh in differently colored water. The taugehs ended up a bit stunted in growth but they did not have pink yellow blue or red stems, albeit a bit smudged with colors on the surface.

This symbolizes that we could be in the world but not of it. Yet how many of us bravely venture in but are assimilated into being part of the world. The way we think, the words we say, the trends we follow, the mindset we adopt, our definitions of success, of self, of love. Hence it is so important to guard our minds with the precious truth of God. Not to escape the world we are supposed to go into to share Christ. But to be guarded against its powers, the powers of an incredibly strong foe that is subtle and cunning.

I needed this encouragement. And I need to press on for my testimony is still not complete. But I believe and hold on to the promise that I can do all things in He who gives me strength. Thank Him for not only saving but sustaining me. Because the cross is not the end of a finished work, it is s precursor of a new life. Praise unto Him forever and ever.

Dying to Self: The Fierce Fruit of Self Control

I just shared the fruit of self-control with the youth in my home town last week. The research for this topic has greatly moved me, and coincidentally, pastor Jason shared about dying to self on Sunday service (when I was not around).

Some main points of my sharing to the youth:

1. We have the power to overcome sin. 

"I can't do it" is not an excuse. For in Christ, we are dead to sin, no longer slaves of sin having no choice but to obey it's whims - instead we are slaves of Christ (Romans 6, 7). Having a new identity - a new obligation to righteousness. Sin has lost it's power over us - and when temptation comes, we have the ability in Christ to walk away.

2. Why self-control? Why purity in life?

Romans 3: 23 says, "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." This verse we repeat over and over again when sharing the gospel, but fail to note that the consequence of sin mentioned here is a great one. A failure to glorify God. For man and all creation have been created to glorify God (Isaiah 43: 6 - 7). And falling short of God's glory is now the main problem sin brings. (The 'separation from God' etc. are consequences that follow), but sin means that we fail to live a life centered on the glory of God - God's glory is at stake. 

When we know we live not for ourselves, our dreams, our hopes, our desires: but solely to bring glory to God through our lives - how could we look lightly upon our sins that compromise the very purpose of our creation - to glorify God?

3. Is self-control easy?

No. The answer is definitely 'no'. From the lamentations of Paul in his fight against sin (Rom 7: 24-25), to the groaning of the universe, akin to birth pangs waiting to be redeemed from a world of sin (Rom 8: 18 - 22), the fight against sin is tough because it goes against the desires of our flesh which is so close to us. God promised us victory but not easy victory. 

Just as the Israelites had to wipe out town to town to enter the promised land of Canaan, so must we be equally ruthless when dealing with sins related to the members of our body. Jesus said, "If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out..." (Matt 5: 29). The battle for self control is fierce, and one has to be constantly vigilant. And indeed, Jesus said the kingdom of heaven is suffered by violence (Matt 11: 12). There is no short cut, just like an athlete cannot say half-way in a race - let me take a break! But at the end of it all, we could proclaim like Paul in 2 Tim 4: 7, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." These are not light words! The race lasts a lifetime  - but the rewards are eternal.

4. Forgiveness if we fall

For we do fall. But remember that you are battling cancelled, forgiven, sin, if you are already saved in Christ! Jesus said in 1 John 1: 9, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all.

5. Self Control is NOT "Just Saying No"

For control through mere willpower does not glorify God, but glorifies self instead. Instead of saying "No" to sin, say "Yes" to God. When you fill your mind with desires for God and His word, when your heart and mind is filled with desire for God, it will far outweigh the multitude of desires this world can offer.

C.S. Lewis once quoted that the problem with men's desire is not that it is too strong, but on the contrary, too shallow and weak. He said, "Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward, and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

When God becomes your prize, your treasure; when your heart is infinitely satisfied with Him - it makes it easier to die to self, and because you die to self, you live, to Him and for Him.

Yes, I am currently undertaking myself this journey in making God my greatest desire, in dying to self every day. It is indeed difficult. I do well in some situations, I lapse momentarily and regret - why have I been sarcastic, unhelpful, why have I not shared the gospel, why was I dissatisfied, why did I gossip and speak ill of another behind their backs, why was I impatient, why was I unappreciative, why was I not diligent and lightening the burdens of others. 

It is painful to die to self, to stifle the sinful desires and wants of the flesh. But when reflecting on the staggering love and mercy for God - for sins pardoned, for love and strength promised, for hope eternal. It is joy in suffering, and in a way, that is what it means to share in His suffering as well, and carry His cross. To live so that God gets the glory. To be satisfied with Him as my deepest desire, and worthy is He for that.

Someone asked an Abbot: What if you were to realize that at the end of your life, there is no God?" And the Abbot replied, "Holiness, silence and sacrifice are beautiful in themselves, even without promise of reward. I still will have used my life well." But Paul said in 1 Cor 15: 19, "If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied."

For in this life - we live and die for Christ; and nothing else, and therefore if Christ was not true, nothing at all would be our gain, and everything our loss. Such is Paul's devotion for Christ, and so is ours, because we know Christ to be true. And we are motivated by the faithfulness and the love of God, who first cleansed us from our sins, and gave us His righteousness, that we may live a life that glorifies Him. And He gave us the best thing He could have given - Himself, and His love, for our deepest joy and satisfaction.

May our continual journey in dying to self be glorifying to the Lord. May we boldly embrace and bear the fierce fruit of self-control.