Dying to Self: The Fierce Fruit of Self Control

I just shared the fruit of self-control with the youth in my home town last week. The research for this topic has greatly moved me, and coincidentally, pastor Jason shared about dying to self on Sunday service (when I was not around).

Some main points of my sharing to the youth:

1. We have the power to overcome sin. 

"I can't do it" is not an excuse. For in Christ, we are dead to sin, no longer slaves of sin having no choice but to obey it's whims - instead we are slaves of Christ (Romans 6, 7). Having a new identity - a new obligation to righteousness. Sin has lost it's power over us - and when temptation comes, we have the ability in Christ to walk away.

2. Why self-control? Why purity in life?

Romans 3: 23 says, "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." This verse we repeat over and over again when sharing the gospel, but fail to note that the consequence of sin mentioned here is a great one. A failure to glorify God. For man and all creation have been created to glorify God (Isaiah 43: 6 - 7). And falling short of God's glory is now the main problem sin brings. (The 'separation from God' etc. are consequences that follow), but sin means that we fail to live a life centered on the glory of God - God's glory is at stake. 

When we know we live not for ourselves, our dreams, our hopes, our desires: but solely to bring glory to God through our lives - how could we look lightly upon our sins that compromise the very purpose of our creation - to glorify God?

3. Is self-control easy?

No. The answer is definitely 'no'. From the lamentations of Paul in his fight against sin (Rom 7: 24-25), to the groaning of the universe, akin to birth pangs waiting to be redeemed from a world of sin (Rom 8: 18 - 22), the fight against sin is tough because it goes against the desires of our flesh which is so close to us. God promised us victory but not easy victory. 

Just as the Israelites had to wipe out town to town to enter the promised land of Canaan, so must we be equally ruthless when dealing with sins related to the members of our body. Jesus said, "If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out..." (Matt 5: 29). The battle for self control is fierce, and one has to be constantly vigilant. And indeed, Jesus said the kingdom of heaven is suffered by violence (Matt 11: 12). There is no short cut, just like an athlete cannot say half-way in a race - let me take a break! But at the end of it all, we could proclaim like Paul in 2 Tim 4: 7, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." These are not light words! The race lasts a lifetime  - but the rewards are eternal.

4. Forgiveness if we fall

For we do fall. But remember that you are battling cancelled, forgiven, sin, if you are already saved in Christ! Jesus said in 1 John 1: 9, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all.

5. Self Control is NOT "Just Saying No"

For control through mere willpower does not glorify God, but glorifies self instead. Instead of saying "No" to sin, say "Yes" to God. When you fill your mind with desires for God and His word, when your heart and mind is filled with desire for God, it will far outweigh the multitude of desires this world can offer.

C.S. Lewis once quoted that the problem with men's desire is not that it is too strong, but on the contrary, too shallow and weak. He said, "Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward, and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

When God becomes your prize, your treasure; when your heart is infinitely satisfied with Him - it makes it easier to die to self, and because you die to self, you live, to Him and for Him.

Yes, I am currently undertaking myself this journey in making God my greatest desire, in dying to self every day. It is indeed difficult. I do well in some situations, I lapse momentarily and regret - why have I been sarcastic, unhelpful, why have I not shared the gospel, why was I dissatisfied, why did I gossip and speak ill of another behind their backs, why was I impatient, why was I unappreciative, why was I not diligent and lightening the burdens of others. 

It is painful to die to self, to stifle the sinful desires and wants of the flesh. But when reflecting on the staggering love and mercy for God - for sins pardoned, for love and strength promised, for hope eternal. It is joy in suffering, and in a way, that is what it means to share in His suffering as well, and carry His cross. To live so that God gets the glory. To be satisfied with Him as my deepest desire, and worthy is He for that.

Someone asked an Abbot: What if you were to realize that at the end of your life, there is no God?" And the Abbot replied, "Holiness, silence and sacrifice are beautiful in themselves, even without promise of reward. I still will have used my life well." But Paul said in 1 Cor 15: 19, "If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied."

For in this life - we live and die for Christ; and nothing else, and therefore if Christ was not true, nothing at all would be our gain, and everything our loss. Such is Paul's devotion for Christ, and so is ours, because we know Christ to be true. And we are motivated by the faithfulness and the love of God, who first cleansed us from our sins, and gave us His righteousness, that we may live a life that glorifies Him. And He gave us the best thing He could have given - Himself, and His love, for our deepest joy and satisfaction.

May our continual journey in dying to self be glorifying to the Lord. May we boldly embrace and bear the fierce fruit of self-control. 

Put Down That Shield

Yesterday I was just thinking a bit on how I've changed as a result of this one-year plus of working life. 

Being in the lab day in and day out with the same people does to an extent make you one of them in some ways or other. We all talk like one another (except me, who can't speak in Hokkien), like roughly the same things, have more or less the same ideas and like/dislike the same groups of people.

I have changed in good ways - learning how to work quickly, think for other people, to share good things and good news, not to be so stressed etc. But I have also found myself becoming more emotionally defensive - always looking out for myself, and always viewing people in a critical light (as if I was initially not critical enough).

Last time I used to give people a lot of benefit for doubt. Now I find myself being upset first before even thinking through issues properly. Sometimes after evaluating I found it clear that I'm not in the wrong. But what happened to that part of me that sees good in people no matter how horrible they are? What happened to that part of me that is not quick to judge?

I guess after so many years I've finally learned to be afraid of being vulnerable, of being knifed in the back, of being unappreciated, of being taken for granted, of being maligned. Does these emotional guards I've set up make me more street-wise? I find analyzing motives of others daily very tiring. I find trying not to step on people's toes very tiring. I find self monitoring very tiring.

I've decided to retain a bit of individualism and just be myself again. To make myself vulnerable to negativism if it means being able to see good things in every single person again. To be forgiving and forgetting, because I need forgiveness from people daily too. To not be afraid of being isolated, to not give in to popular opinions, to not dislike unpopular people even if they are mean and selfish and all that. To learn to be willing to be disliked for choosing not to dislike (get that?). 

Why? I've always been feeling a bit chameleon-like because I am generally able to slowly blend into different environments. But I've been created to stand out, not to blend in. Not to stand out so that people can see me, but to stand out so that people can see God, who He is, and He is what I stand for. Who am I to condemn someone whose sins Christ had died for? Who am I to be blunt about my feelings without love, so that people put their shields up around me and as a result do not get to see the Christ I want to share? Who am I to give eye for eye and tooth for tooth, when Christ teaches us to offer the other cheek when one side is smote?

I have to learn to take down all these man-made emotional defenses, and make myself vulnerable, if only through this, Christ can be seen. And then again, I am never vulnerable. So who do I fear? May I fear God more than men. May I learn to depend on Him instead of my own wisdom, my own rationalism and defenses. For He is my strength and my shield.

Uplifted

Transcribing devotionals can be very uplifting. Reminders of some things that you know, but you need to hear again.

Quote from Pr. Mike:

If we say to God we're coming to confess the same sin, God says, "What sin?" Reminds me of the verse from Hebrews 8: 12, that says, "For I will forgive their wickedness and remember their sins no more."

Something I needed this week. To remember that God does not judge me based on a a performance curve. If I've loved enough, if I've done enough, prayed enough, served enough. Yes it is sign of Christians growth to love, pray, and serve. But it is not a merit which we have to stand before God one day and be judged for. 

Pr. Mike gave an illustration of this man and his daughter crossing a prairie in which they saw a fire from the distance and quickly realized that the flames were coming their way, and there was only one way to escape. The man burned a huge patch of grass around him and told his daughter to stand with him inside that burned patch. The girl was afraid when the flames approached, but the man said to his daughter, "The flames cannot get to us because we are standing where the fire has already burned."

The wrath of God has already been passed over, and to those who are standing in the safe patch behind the blood of Jesus Christ, there is no more condemnation, only righteousness, and loving discipline. What encouragement! What grace!

Overpowered

People like people who like them and who are like them. Debatable but mostly true.

Can I not take sides? Can I just sit on the fence forever? Must I really take a side so as to really belong? And that belonging is only confined to one side? But if I'm on the fence I'll never really belong to neither side? 

It's just this: I believe people are all different, and I don't like to judge people for being different. I don't like to have clear cut lines of love and war. I am able to accept you being different from me. Does that mean I have to accept you not liking me because I can accept more people and types of behavior than you could?

I don't know which is worse. Being in a cold and emotionless environment, or being in one rampant with too many strong emotions. Emotions that could be good (towards me) but too strong. Maybe I'm not sensitive enough to feel, or decisive enough to choose. Maybe I like living life with large forgiving margins of tolerance, thus not being able to love something all the way, or dislike something all the way. 

I know this is kind of wishy washy, but at the same time I also know, this is part of me, and this is what I'm like. Unfortunately, I also know this is not what most people are like.

Will I never ever be able to belong because I am being who I am? And am I brave enough to keep on being who I am despite this all? 

Just felt so tired with battling all these waves of emotions after coming back. For someone who sits on the fence this much, I do want to feel myself as part of a bigger group. Not just politely being accepted in, but truly taken in as one of their own. But I guess it's difficult, and in the same way it's not good to force me not to be me, it's hard to force others to accept me as me too.

It seems so ironic, so contradictory for one who is so conflict-averse, to repeatedly create ripples of under-the-surface conflicts because of my conflict-averse personality.

Still I know God put me here for a purpose. And sometimes though I just feel like giving up and moving out of this circle, so that I can happily stay neutral and not be bothered by all these emotions, the reminder of this purpose makes me have the courage to hold on. The reminder to love different people all the way, because they are loved by God the way I am, and they are imperfect the way I am too. And though I may not see how I can fit in and what God's purpose is for putting an awkward shape like me here: I believe all things work for the good of those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose.

So here I am, to learn to fret no more, and to love more.