Wednesday, December 18, 2013

So That I Still Remember to Blog

I haven't been blogging for a long time! The last few times I did was using my iPhone, but now, since I have moved on to a 12-hour shift, I do not take afternoon shift buses anymore, and hence do not have that big chunk of time to blog.

Anyway some thoughts for this last month of the year - not going to update much so here's just some random stuff. Many things happened and I just can't keep track of all! I think in between my blogging absence my grandfather got saved, Rachel left for Kuching, everybody's been bugging me and Jon about our barely existent wedding plans, I've picked up a new game which is the Chinese online version of Bang!

Since this is the last month of the year, and I doubt I'll be blogging again this year, here are some closing thoughts about this year, and some 'opening' ones about next year.

1. Marriage
I've been forced to think about marriage quite a bit ever since Jon proposed. Somehow my mind just automatically shuts down when it comes to planning stuff, and I'm sort of torn between wanting a decent marriage sequence of events and that strong inertia of not wanting to prepare for it. I just don't know why. And the date is drawing near, time is running short, and we've got nothing down on paper yet.

But the portions of Pastor J's marriage sermon series did help in many ways. It just goes deep down to what marriage is realistically like, and what it's supposed to be, and (the most exciting part), how it is an earthly portrayal of our heavenly unity with God. I have no doubts that marriage is never going to be easy, but I'm lucky in a sense that Jon is Jon, and he does give in to me a lot, and is patient with my faults. The hard part would rather be how I position myself to be a good helpmate instead of being always on the receiving end.

The reason why I said all these are comforting is because it takes my mind off the preparations and instead focuses on heart preparations instead. And that building a Christ centered family and keeping lasting memories is so much more than gowns, and events, and dinners, and photographs. Or even looking pretty on that big day or that the day runs well. I know this is a once-in-a-lifetime thing, but then again, which day in your life doesn't happen just that once in your life time?

And yes, ladies and gentlemen, I still do not plan/want/desire to have kids. Period.

2. Work
My performance at work this year is like a pendulum swinging across extreme ends. There are some things that I've been doing very well in, and at the same time I have been very careless with my routine work. It's true that I can always pin down the root cause to busyness which I cannot help, but I guess I just need to take ownership of the way I do things, and take some things to be granted without checking. I hope I can learn to be more careful with the little things I'm entrusted to, not just in work, but every part of my life.

But I'm very thankful for friendly and encouraging colleagues, as well as God-granted favors and understanding from my superiors. I'm thankful for new people I've met this year, and old ones I'm keeping in touch with. Sometimes I feel that I associate the human factor much to strongly at work, but it is something that I don't want to be detached from either.

I wonder how next year will turn out to be. I have plans for the future, but I need to wait for God's timing.

3. Growth
Thank God my cell group. If there's anything that I took home this year, it is how we grow in fellowship and love together. Never before have we taken together so many strong initiatives to give people a sense of togetherness in the CG. Never had we all gone out of our way to make people feel welcome. Thank God for Joey, I learned a lot from her. Thank God for Simon, I've always learned a lot from him and known him as a great teacher, but this year, I see him pushing himself and growing himself too. And I admire him for knowing his weaknesses and unhesitatingly correcting that. Thank God for the core group from which I've drawn much love and encouragement, and have motivated me to serve together. Thank God for the dear brothers and sisters in our now much-larger CG, being transparent in sharing, being faithful in service, being encouraging in conversations, although we haven't even know most of each other for even a year!

Thank God for growing our little family. Grow us more too, in every other way.

4. 2014
Frankly speaking I don't like this idea of entering into yet another new year. The previous one just slipped by way too quickly, and I'm officially going to be in my late twenties next year. It just felt like I celebrated last year's Christmas not too long ago, and 'happy new year' meant 'welcome 2013'! And 2014 is going to bring so many changes and new decisions to make. And I"m the sort that doesn't like flux and decision making. And PR renewal.

I think the reason why this year has gone by so quickly is that I've just been passing day after day, flipping my way across the calender just like that. All in a routine week. No challenges to self. Not much growth. Smothered by work. Taking it just week by week by week like that.

I hope 2014 would be more. I hope at the end of the year when I'm at the threshold of 2015, I'll look back and say: many things happened this year, and I'm glad this year happened. I hope that as I walk one year closer to eternity, it would be a joyful one for myself and those who walk with me!

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