还遥远

面对最大的考验
不是在面对难关时是否应付自如
而是以怎样的态度应付
我虽然闯关了
可是没有献上最美好的自己
这两天我知道我离开终点站的距离还远
却要为这让我谦卑下来的醒悟感恩。

It is not a question of speed,
But the words I say,
The thoughts I think,
The way I do things,
That moment when my priorities and values change.

我不能让环境把我拿走。
I will not be conformed.

Relapse

I remember almost one year ago I had my first recordable mistake in the lab. I was very upset over it and everyone comforted me over it.

A few days ago I did it again. The circumstance different, the root cause different but the mistake the same. I felt really ashamed as my colleagues were concerned over my feelings and even my supervisor did not reprimand me.

I am no longer a kid who should be protected from the consequences of the mistakes she makes, regardless of the circumstance. I am fully capable if bearing the concrete and emotional responsibilities of my errors.

I am thankful over everyone's concern towards my feelings. Although I am not as depressed over this as last time, I will take this seriously, and be reminded to always be focused, to always take no chances irregardless if how many things I am doing at once.

There is still so much more I need to improve on.

Tired

These two nights have been hectic. One toilet trip per night for me at the start of the shift. The rest of the time without toilet trips nor water. And it it That Time of the Month.

It's not the first time but I think this is unnecessary. So much administration waste could have been cut down.

But I'm thankful to belong to a team that trusts and helps one another. And I think I am getting more and more well trained to be an adept multi tasker now in things that were once foreign to me.

On a side note: I finally gave up trying to remember buying evening primrose oil after going home and brought it here instead, Singapore priced or whatever. It's helping me with pimple control now and can see the diff after just one or two days. Hopefully I can be pimple free by end of the year. Shift work requires good hormonal regulation.

留下来的人

如果说
真正在乎的人
是别人抢不走的
而那人走了
是因为不在乎
我认为这样的思想可以很狭隘很危险
因为它把一个维持感情的责任
单单牵系在一个人的在乎
而往往这样认为的人
总是期待自己是被在乎的那位
然而别人的心你又能掌控多少
能改变掌握的
最多最终也只是自己
因此爱不是被动的等待在乎
而是主动的付出在乎
因为敢在付出时受伤的人
才配得拥有。