One Day at a Time

The days stretch long. But I am reminded that I should take not all together, but one at a time.

Dear God, give me Your special portion of grace for each day. To trust on You to provide for all my daily needs. The strength to give my best, the ability to take in shocks and surprises, the love to share, the patience to endure. The sight to see, the ears to listen, and a heart to feel.

I need that portion of grace. But help me not jump ahead and worry for anything beyond this one day. For like the way You fed the Israelites manna, your daily manna will always be enough, will always be satisfying.

Your grace will always be enough. You will always be enough.

Out there

I think it's been a really long time since I wrote a really random post like this one is going to be.

I've been shopping on my own and making my little trips round Singapore a lot these two years. Recently I was asked if this feels lonely? And I replied that I now preferred to window shop on my own.

Anyway a consequence of this was recently I have started to notice the world out there a bit more. It's not really 'out there' as you'd describe it. It's just those normal things: HdB flats under the glaring afternoon sun. The stormy skies. The streetlights against the road in the late night. Bustling traffic full of people. Blue blue morning skies. Empty school fields.

And being the quick paced person I am, I quickly pass by all these and enter the walls of the shopping malls or libraries. Indeed I do not dare permit myself to stop and just let one two hours pass by to think. Because the unknown sense of memories associated with these random environmental scenes is too big for me to take in.

I think, if I was all alone in say, east coast park and I sit in a quiet corner letting my mind run free, it would overwhelm me. The memories, not too bitter, not too sweet; will still haunt and haunt me the same, just and just because they represent days that have passed and will never come back again. That person that I was and will never be again.

Indeed I do not dare. I would inexplicably, mysteriously be so lost, that it would be hard to retrieve myself from the world that was.

Isn't it funny? Just those mundane, day to day things would invoke such ripples of nostalgia in me. Boring unnoticeable events would appeal so much to me right now. I wonder if what I am doing now would affect me or move me to think so decades down the road. The people, the things, the sights and smells.

How hard it is to go back to old familiar places without reminiscing, without wishing somehow, the good old days could be replayed. How can change be coped otherwise, if not through the numbing of these senses.

But that doesn't mean we can't hope for more beautiful things in the future :)

One-Third of May

We're one third into the month of May. And at this end of the calendar I see so much of June and the months onward already. And it's not a pretty sight.

I am trying to focus on May. But voices surrounding me keep on pointing to June and saying: look at what's coming! News after news. Adaptation to one thing followed by another. 

I am not afraid of work compounding. But I fear short tempers. I fear impatience. I fear how the impact of these things would leash out on people who would in turn leash out at others who would leash out at me. And I fear I will do or say things that I have been restraining myself from. I fear myself saying harsh words I will regret. 

Dear God. In this world where the pace is quick and unforgiving, help me to always always rely on Your grace. Help me to see people with the needs in their hearts. Help my compassion and forgiveness for others exceed that that I have for myself. Help me not forget to smile and to thank people and to thank You for all that I have. Help me not forget the good they did for me, the grace You gave for me.

Help me not to falter. Help me not to lose myself in the month of June and beyond.

Moving on

The LORD said to Samuel, "How long will you grieve over Saul, since I have rejected him from being king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil, and go. I will send you to Jesse the Bethlehemite, for I have provided for myself a king among his sons." - 1 Sam 16:1

I just finished chapter 15 a little earlier and it was about how Samuel told Saul that he and his household are now rejected by God due to his disobedience. Then Samuel left Saul and never saw him again. But in his heart Samuel grieved for Saul.

Somehow for various reasons, I could relate to Samuel's grieving. I don't know if it is the democracy parallel, or people and things I have placed and built hope on but have to give up and accept changes in this year. I think year 2013 hasn't been a smooth year for me. It is filled with tiny little hiccups and lots of rethinking and replanning. Lots of disappointments and setbacks. Lots of times when I don't even know what and how to pray for.

It is a lot of looking at Romans 8:28 again and again and again. Church land bid failed? Romans 8: 28. Major shifts and problems at work? Romans 8:28. Feeling unappreciated? Romans 8:28. Family issues? National issues? Personal sense of loss? Guess which verse I turn to.

It comes to a point when Romans 8:28 seems like an endless repetition, and I just wish I could flop down like Samuel and grieve and grieve over a person, an issue, or less noble things like myself. But God said a matter of factly to Samuel - 'how long more will you grieve? Move on, I have plans ahead.'

And Samuel went to appoint yet another king. How did he feel when he saw the young boy, full of the Lord's spirit of the Lord's own choosing? I believe the sight of David and the fact that David was chosen by God, and the act of anointing David did much to revive Samuel spiritually. Only by moving on, Samuel got over his grief. And so Romans 8:28 holds true. God just takes turns that we do not expect - like overturning His first anointed king for a shepherd boy who would have the lineage of the Messiah, God's own Son.

But I've never had the answer of why Saul was initially chosen only to have God 'regretting' His anointing. The humble Benjamite, who rose from the ashes into an arrogant king, later to die in such a hopeless manner. Why Saul? I guess like many other things in this world, some answers are yet to be discovered. And when we can't see His hand, we can always trust His heart.