On the way back to my room.
You can't see God but nature shows you He's there and has orchestrated their beauty.
I realize that the main reason why I can actually start enjoying this morning when I'm not Wing Mei or any other 'nature-loving' person, but is that I don't have exams today. Pathetic reason, I know. But when I have a stressful papers coming up in just a few hours, daybreak after mugging through the night is really not very welcome because it means I have less time to cover whatever I need to cover. And it's the time I start feeling really tired.
My exams are not over yet. One paper down, three more to go next Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. Then Tirza told me yesterday, that Simon told her Wayne's going back to Hong Kong on the 30th (next Monday). He asked me and the other campus people out for dinner last night quite a number of days before but I turned down the invitation because I had very limited time to mug for exams, and I didn't know he was going back HK for good so soon! Fortunately I got the news early enough and actually took quite long to decide whether to go or not because my revision progress was terribly slow and anything might potentially make me go a letter grade down or more in exams. In the end I decided to go, and went. In fact I felt terrible even considering not going even after knowing that I won't be seeing Wayne again (till someone get's married, he promised to come back to Singapore if any one of us got married). What in the world has exams turned me into, even considering not saying farewell to a friend (and Yeh Yeh!) for the last time! Horrible.
It was a fun night out and Simon and Jiun Ming were very kind because Simon fetched us to Sakae Sushi in Marina Bay for that farewell dinner, and JM fetched us back. :D They are always generous with their time and petrol! Pictures of the farewell dinner will be up after exams. In fact I didn't take too many because I saw Wayne brought his own camera and I got lazy. I wish he didn't have to go back HK though because I miss him already! Maybe it's because I know I won't be seeing him again (till someone gets married) and also we're both from the Lee family (although his is 'Li' in Chinese it's the same) and I call him Yeh Yeh, and I still owe him ice-cream for his birthday! Wayne, if you're reading this I'll treat you ice-cream if you come for Friday BS before going home. Or after you come back to Singapore again one day.
I was in JM's car on the way home and was so tired I was nodding away on the way back. Still as we passed by the city area I saw all the lights and then again thought that Singapore would be such a lovely place if it was not all about meritocracy and stress. The daybreak today was so nice, the environment so peaceful and green, the city was clean and beautiful. It would be so perfect, as it even seems now when I'm a student and not yet exposed to the stress in the working world. Even taking exams as a student has distorted me so much. How much more will I change after I work?
Somehow my thoughts remind me about this all-famous story about peace:
Years ago a major art gallery sponsored a competition for painters. They were offering prizes for the best painting on the subject of "Peace." As attenders browsed through the entries, most had decided that a one certain painting was almost sure to win. It portrayed this lush green pasture under a vivid blue sky, with the cows grazing lazily and a little boy walking through the grass with his fishing pole over his shoulder. It really made you feel peaceful. But it came in second. The painting that won was a real surprise. The scene was the ocean in a violent storm. The sky was ominous, the lightning was cutting across the sky, and the waves were crashing into the rock walls of the cliffs by the shore. No peace. But you had to look twice to understand what was going on. There, about halfway up the cliff, was a birds' nest, tucked into a tiny hollow in the rock. A mother bird was sitting on that nest - with her little babies, tucked underneath her, sleeping soundly. That was peace!True peace - is not walking under the daybreak sunlight knowing that there are no exams today. Real peace is walking into the exam hall knowing that I've done all I could and God is holding my hand. Real peace is not fretting over results when exams are over, not fretting over job search after I graduate, knowing I've done all I can and God takes care of my future, only providing the best for me. Peace is knowing that even in Singapore, I can take time to enjoy daybreaks and sunsets, because each today is a gift, and tomorrow is well taken-care of and provided for.
Ahh! I have so much to learn! I need more faith. Open my eyes and let me see, Lord. Let me see and acknowledge there's the sun behind the clouds and the Lord behind the nature I behold penerates and guides over every little detail of my life for His glory.