Of Stoning

I don't know why I just feel like writing about this.

I have a very active brain, particularly when my mouth is closed. When I'm talking or absorbed in doing work, my brain activity is less defined. But when I'm keeping quiet or just thinking/observing (excluding the times I listen to music), I talk to myself in my head loud and clear.

Everything is going fine at work now, but I think I converse to myself too much in the lab, to an extent I find it queer. Because I still find it hard to join into group conversations even with my team mates which I feel closer to now than before. And now I even imagine that my head-conversations are loud enough to be heard by someone. I haven't identified who this someone is but I seem to be having this weird idea that someone can hear those thoughts.

Anyway, of course Whoever It Is does not exist and I am simply thinking too much. (And am being a bit too anti-social, but that can't be helped. Believe it or not, I'm already trying my best to be sociable already, with very slight improvements.)

I also 'stone' a lot when I'm taking car rides or bus rides home. The long uninterrupted kind (e.g. sitting at the back of JonC's car home from BS, or taking afternoon shift bus home) especially. Music helps this form of stoning. Then I think about people, and events that have passed, and things I've done and said. I feel old when I recall hostel days in RH and midnight walks, and think 'those were the days'. I like the color of the black night sky contrasted against the road lights, and the white lights of the buildings, and the trees in the dark. It feels nostalgic but for what reason I don't know.

Anyway just received a bit of encouragement today with regards to my kinetic weakness from a colleague. He said he strongly believed anyone could do anything if they tried hard enough. I know this too. But it was a good reminder of what I told myself when I took up this post. I knew it would be a lot of hands-on work which does not exactly go very well with a clumsy person like me. But I promised God and myself that I will try my best; and even though I can't promise a perfect job each time, I can promise a job that I have already done everything I could do in.

Wai Pheng and her brother Wan Meng will be leaving us this weekend. :( I will miss Wai Pheng a lot! Somehow she always makes me feel special, and is very special to me too. Feel blessed knowing her, and all the nice people around me too.