Friday, June 7, 2013

Not enough

I think I always do the right things for the wrong reasons.

Years spent growing up with an emotionally sensitive mother, and an equally (if not more) emotionally sensitive sister, has taught me the hard way when to show tact, sensitivity, and concern. I'm quite thankful for that because now I can almost automatically realize what to do in different situations, to save people's face, to make people not feel left out, to make others feel remembered and happy.

Today somebody even told me that she would want to leave my work place before I do because I am one of the few who really cares about how others feel. It's sad that no matter what others see from the exterior, I can't help being a person who cares only to an extent of wanting others not to feel sad or negative; but very rarely to make others feel happy.

Oh yes, there are instances when I do go all the way to do those things. I remember just in the past month I really went out of the way to do stuff for someone to make the memories left behind of the workplace really special ones. But now for this other person (which I am not close to), I am doing something that people would not do out of obligation, only because I don't want this other person to feel left out.

Why do I so easily allow what people are to me to determine who I am and how I act? Isn't God's love for me unconditional enough to give me a reason to love people the same way? To do things for them from my heart instead of just with my head and hands? And still feel self righteous about it?

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