Half Way Into Week 2

Actually I'm more than half-way into week 2 already, but since most of my classes are concentrated at the end of the week, I might as well say I'm half inside it.

Just back from the most successful points forum ever. There was free ice-cream at the beginning, bubble tea sold throughout and pizza at the end! Not to mention it started with a blast ON TIME, and ended early without too much ado about the points! Almost every question was answered to. And the whole forum was punctured with jokes, so it wasn't dull at all. What a remarkable start to the hall's year! :) Furthermore, we're actually going to apply for our activities right away.

Tirza's auditor and I half-wish I was too. This year's points system is fair (which is the reason why I voted it in), but not very advantageous for me since I have to juggle the horrible 22 MC, and maybe Industrial Attachment in semester two. The forum has inspired me to do more for hall though. This is why I can't stop doing activities since year one, but now the pull of studies has gotten to me, finally. A little too late maybe, but at least I haven't graduated yet. Time to put more of hall aside, and start mugging harder. But that doesn't mean I'll be sloppily doing my CCAs too. I shall just do what I can for this year, and I think I'll most likely get a place to stay on campus, be it in hall or otherwise, for my final year. Final year. The thought of that sure isn't very appealing.

Today I had a horrible viva session, half of it not understanding what the professor is asking. His English was, how to say? Not very understandable, to put it mildly. I hope our lectures are not going to be taught that way. And it made me nervous so the things I said while answering were pretty horrible and ungrammatical too. Argh. Hope I can do better in the next vivas. The report is another headache. I have to prepare half of it on my own and now I've only done roughly a quarter of my work.

Sometimes I really wonder how I'm going to work in the future as a chemical engineer. Are we supposed to concote solutions on-spot, or within a very short time-frame? I'm not good working on my own, or working with deadlines. And if I can't even fully understand an experiment I'm doing how am I supposed to device experiments that might incur a cost to the company in the future? It's not just my CAP that puts me down now. It's my actual capabilities. Why I'm still afraid of programming, handling unknown problems, relying on people to help me, not grasping things as fast as I should. The engineer is just not in me. Or is it? I don't know. God has a plan for me, but it doesn't seem to fit as it should.

Today I got a nice complimentary email that seemed to work the other way round. My performance in all the committes I've previously joined is commendable, and I'm a good person to work with, it says. Being the highest pointer (for girls) in hall last year is something people are always reminding me about this year, but I myself know where my high discrete come from. A sterling performance? That's not from me. Way back in year 1 when I got full discrete in RH-Ed I know why chairpersons like me - it's because I do things that I supposed to, I'm punctual, efficient and don't give issues. That's a good thing, but I can't offer more than that to my studies, to my hall CCA's, to anything else I'm in charge with.

These values are the things I value in my members and people who work under me too. But that will only get you and your committee ahead to a certain point, not all the way. Biz Comm needs people that come up with new ideas, not those who doggedly call for hours in a week, and just follow instructions efficiently. Engineers have to think out of the box, not follow a prescribed method of calculation. I lack imagination, I lack initiative and am afraid of taking risks. That is what's holding me back.

I can survive with people who like me and can work with me. But I'll never make it to the top because I don't have passion for anything yet, that can fuel my imagination and creativity, that will make me bold and willing to take risks. To consider opportunities, to compete with vigour and to love something so much, that I can sacrifice more time for it.

Maybe one day I'll become like that. And when you see that I'm different, do stop to ask me what that motivation is. It must have been a great one. That day is not here yet, but somehow something in me is longing to change, and it's waiting for the right event to trigger it. Someday.

Mongolian Family Song

First time I found this song with the actual people singing it (usually I just hear voices in the video), and hear it in the Chinese version too!



The little girl singing it is a little older than I expected but I still like their blending voices :)

School - The First Week

I have gone through school so many times that the first week seems all so normal after all. I had my first lab, had new lab partners, new books, new lecturers and new modules. The modules this semester look so daunting. I hope I'll do OK in all of them.

Projects are back again, and after this fairly relaxed week, back we go again into that mad cramming, and mugging and trying to catch up with work. Tirza has had a hectic week, and seeing how disciplined she is in working and all, makes me feel that Chem Engin might not be so bad after all.

I'm having another new set of group members for my projects this coming semester - different from the previous ones. I think after these years I'm going to have had lots of experience learning how to work with different people, some highly motivated, while others need to be motivated. Thank God for providing me with group members again this time.

Hall activities are starting to come alive now, although officially nothing is finalized, and the JCRC aren't even elected. I can just feel that Raffles Hall is all boosted up with aspirations and spirit, and part of me really wants to contribute to all that. But looking back at my past not-so-good results (putting it mildly) and the 22 MC of modules to study this semester, I highly doubt that I would be one of the high spirited Rafflesians contributing to hall this year, despite the high CCA points I had last year.

There are always people to carry on the baton in hall, and it looks like the batch of high-spirited year 1's last year (now Year 2), are actively taking up various leadership positions and look well prepared to handle them. I hope this will be a good year for hall, even if it might not be for me, in terms of CCA points. Hopefully I would be able to contribute more to hall than I plan to, this academic year.

There will be this horrible procedure of the whole hall shifting their rooms somewhere in September, but then there's a new prospect of newly renovated rooms and toilets. New facilities! :) I hope it would be really worth it. I looked into the designs of the new rooms and found them quite similar to the old ones in many respects. Our current doors are a bit battered and old, but somehow they feel more homely than the newer ones, and are certainly much stronger too. And I prefer the old roofs to the new ones!

I finally fished my diary out of all my boxes some time ago and it was pure bliss being able to write into it again. I wonder if in this busy semester I might be forced to cut down blogging and fall back to diary writing alone instead. Hmm. But I'm sure I'll be around to blog still, even though the frequency may be much lesser :)

如果 If

I like this song! It is very meaningful :) For those who can't understand Chinese here are the lyrics in English. (Chinese lyrics are in the MV itself.)

If my existence is just like a shooting star in the night sky
Why do I dream of eternity
If my being here is just an accidental chance
Why do I long to be loved

Who can hear me, hear me,
Hear the crying deep in my heart
Who can tell me, tell me,
Where I can find true love.

If my existence is just like a shooting star in the night sky
Why do I dream of eternity
If my being here is just an accidental chance
Why do I long to be loved

Who can hear me, hear me,
Hear the crying deep in my heart
Who can tell me, tell me,
Where I can find true love
Please tell me.

If your existence is just like a shooting star in the night sky
I won't be waiting patiently for you
If your being here is just an accidental chance
I won't use my life to exchange for that.

Do you understand me, understand me,
My heart is bleeding because of thinking of you
Do you know me, know me,
My love towards you will never change.

Who can hear me (understand me), hear me (understand me),
The crying in my heart (my heart is bleeding for you),
Who can tell me (know me), who can tell me (know me),
Where can I find true love (my love towards you will never change)

If my life is not a temporary shooting star...