I'm in a very idle state these days, but surprisingly enough my mind is not. I guess playing computer games does in a way benefit me, as I usually go through issues with myself while playing. Issues I wouldn't have thought of, or specially allocated some me-time to think about.
Just wondering why I don't seem to be able to help people much these two years. In fact progress has been so backward, that I've given up caring to know how these persons are getting along.
Is it because people just don't want to be helped, or I don't care enough? Or do I care enough, but am just doing things my own way?
I'm not like this. And I wonder why I'm like this. Worse still, sometimes you put your hands behind your back, don't want to care, but there's this little voice nagging in your head saying, "What if?". What if I cared again, would it make a difference?
I know I can't keep going on like this, but part of me still wants to stop because I'm too afraid of the discouragements ahead. And people around aren't being too encouraging about it either.
Sigh. One day I'll really have to face myself about this. But when?
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