Nostalgic

One wedding dinner and I felt part of the shift lab again. 

There were only 6 of us sitting at a 10 person table but it was good conversation (and an overload of food). The talk and laughter that flowed freely across the table, to me, was something that was available to them every working day; whereas for me, it was a rare luxury.

The girls in my new lab (and the only guy) are really nice. All of them have in some way or other been friendly to me and made me feel that I belong in this lab. Although I am not really 'a part of them' yet socially, I feel that I will be and I should cherish these new relationships. 

But this doesn't make me miss the good old times less. I just hope that the new people I meet and the work that I deal with in the future would be this special to me too :)

Married and beyond

So last month I stepped into part 2 of my life whereby the whole of my identity changed. At the same time I transferred out from my shift lab to the day lab too, so somehow everything felt like a new start.

I guess I couldn't have married without the help of many others, especially my sisters. Jon and I were touched by so much love shown to us by our families, relatives and friends. From the progression of the weddinng, dinner, to gifts and angpaos received, I just felt that we were so unconditionally loved, so much that it truly exceeds my capacity to repay it back. Thank you.

Two becoming one is really easier said than done. Even though we have known each other for years and even stayed in the same place, it takes a whole lot of effort, especially on my part to communicate and serve one another. Our temperaments are so different and so are our experiences in life.

Someone asked me if being married or being in a relationship is a spiritual experience, and how do you know that person is 'the one'. I think being married is the most practical and realistic experience you could ever have. And that person automatically becomes 'the one' once the marriage vows are said! The conflicts and the sacrifices are somewhat painful to make, but they are the most 'spiritual' in marriage when they become steps of obedience. We are still learning and have a long way to go.

Work is ok so far. I had some difficulties with my tests, and my annual leave conversions were messed up, but I am blessed with new colleagues, who went of the way to give me a sense of belonging, both the seniors and juniors. I hope I can contribute and learn much in my new working environment and hopeful establish strong friendships. 

That's all for now. I am so lazy to blog nowadays. I hope I continue to do so more :)

Some Wedding Prep Updates

August is slipping away, and very soon, we will be reaching 'the month before my wedding month'. People have perpetually been asking: how are the preparations going? And I will have to say: there are still things to do. 

A lot of things to do, in fact. Jon and me are currently slicing up wedding invitations, and hoping that the banquet ones make their way to their owners safely some way or other. Photo slideshows, photos to be developed for scrapbooking, songs to be confirmed, car to be rented, food to be catered, head count to be confirmed, dress and shows to prep. Not to mention last day decorations and rehearsals and whatever random stuff that comes with it.

Some kind souls have graciously offered to help, which we are encouraged by and thankful for; but it is not that easy to delegate things and not make things complicated. Meanwhile we would just have to trust in God's grace and press ok with diligence. 

So many things going through my head these days. What if I look horrible in my wedding gown? What if some guests get left out? What if things go wrong? And so I get transformed into a worry wart over a ceremony that lasts for a day (two if we consider the banquet). 

People say that the wedding day is the best day of our lives. But it is so easy to be focused on perfecting this one day until we lose sight of the decades coming ahead. Till now I have to remind myself time and again not to let the anxiety of preparing for this one day surpass my joy and anticipation of the new life ahead. The Part 2 that cleaves me from Part 1 forever. 

Thank God for Jon being so supportive and comforting, although we are both so clueless at these preparation stuff. I believe that no matter how the wedding prep turns out, as long as the bride and groom are right, everything else will be ok too :)

The Notebook

Just two days ago I watched this movie with Derrick and Joanne at our place. Derrick downloaded this 2004 film and came over to watch. It's a long time since I've watched this kind of romantic film which is supposed to leave you with a bittersweet feeling.

[Spoilers ahead]

In the film, an old man Noah reads a story to his wife Allie who does not recognize who he is. She is stricken with Alzheimer's. It was a love story, their own. A love that was young and reckless, brimming with passion. An explosive love between two people exploding with emotions. Apparently a lasting one too, as Noah did not give up on Allie, even when she did not know him. A whole day of reading grants him about 5 minutes of remembrance from Allie. Then she slipped away, leaving him heartbroken. The cycle has been repeating itself.

I don't find this love onscreen to be similar to mine. Maybe because Jon and myself (especially me) are people so laid back that we devote so little energy to passion. Something I found really heartbreaking in this movie is: if another person becomes the center of your life, once that person is taken away, your whole life collapses around you. 

Amidst all the modern day tragedies we see now, life is just too short and unpredictable. A vow on the marriage aisle may be terminated abruptedly by its closing line: till death do us part. Or even if a couple spend decades together, how fleeting those decades are. I bet for our grandparents, their memories of their youth didn't seem so far away after all.

This passage I've read from 1st Corinthians made me think:

This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.

It says that time is so short that, no matter what we own or don't own, it is fruitless to rejoice or weep in something so temporary. Even marriage. Marrying for marital bliss or romance will only bring but a short term of happiness. But marrying unto God is something eternal that will not be taken away. In the same way, our achievements and things we have in this life, if not done unto God would amount to nil, once time has passed by and all forgotten.

Sometimes we really need to be reminded when life is beautiful, that life is short. And even when life is ugly, all these are temporal too because life is short. Yet this short life is all we get to make our choices, and determine our eternal destiny. So invest it wisely. 

愈来愈近

2014 年已经过半。再三个月我就不单身了。虽然这些日子都在焦虑的想着婚礼的事，但其实严格来说也只是皮毛。

如果可以把我的人生划成两半，那一定会是“婚前”和“婚后”了。婚前一个人，婚后二人为一体。同样是“一个人”的生活，可是“一个人”这个个体的定义转变却如此浩大。

一个那么自我中心的我要在婚姻里失去自我，把“老我”釘在十字架上真的好艰难。人总说害怕单身孤独，一个人过生活，而婚姻却是要人完全放弃自我，重新定义自我，彼此相爱，彼此牺牲来建立一个更完美的“我们”。是那么奥妙，复杂，亲密的改变！因为有一天基督和教会也会是这样一个关系。

我不怀疑以后的挑战一定无数，我不怀疑在失去“自我”的过程中会有争执，愤怒，泪水，甚至懊悔的心情。我知道逆袭婚姻的风浪会很多，有些来自两个不完美的罪人，来自经济，时势，健康，和我们身边的人。但有主在船上就不怕风浪。不怕未知。不怕不完美的婚礼，不完美得到婚姻，不完美的爱情。

三个月，我们的大改变即将被掀起。筹备的工作也尚未落幕。但最重要的是：我的心哪，你预备好了吗？

Greatly loved

Yesterday Pastor Jason preached a very applicable sermon about prayer from Daniel chapter 9 and I thought I'd record some things down.

1. Prayer does not change God's will, but prayer can change things (according to His will).

2. Pray scriptures into our situations. When there is a gap, pray scripture into situations.

3. Prayer is not about us, but about God.

And God answered Daniel through a vision from Gabriel, saying Daniel is 'greatly loved'. One of the most touching love statements, I find, from the Old Testament. No matter how great Daniel's zeal and passion for God is (and it was truly great and faithful and consistent); it could not match up to God's great and faithful love for Daniel and Israel.

The greatness of God's love comes from who He is. How blessed are we today who call Him Father, He whose greatness the universe cannot contain.  

Steadfast and Unceasing

The steadfast love of The Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to am end. They are new every morning, new every morning, great is Thy faithfulness O Lord, great is Thy faithfulness. 

Our scripture exhortation during worship service last Sunday was taken from these verses in Lamentations, and how greatly they comforted my heart. Even now after almost one full week when MH370 remains missing and chances of survival for those on board dwindle to almost nil, I still recall these verses and draw comfort from them, for they are truth. Written in a time when Jerusalem was under seige, when people starved, the city plundered, the women raped, mothers killing eating their own babies just to survive another day; it is near miraculous how the prophet Jeremiah summons up enough faith to say: God is steadfast in His love, His mercies are unending.

I will not hypocritically pretend that I am that affected by the plane incident since I am not so personally close to this brother from church on the fight. But my heart does grieve for him as part of the church, and for his family members and relatives whom I know personally. Many of them has just encouraged me so much by how they have not lost hope and by their proclamations of faith. 

But I do need more than men's actions and emotions to be truly encouraged. Just like how positive quotes on Facebook can only affect you as much as you believe in them, I refuse to ascertain anything cooked up by the mind of man deserves to be absolutely believed in. True, some of them may be truth, but most are just positive thinking and based on emotions. I want the absolute truth, which is not only just truth, but gives life as well. And this only comes from the Word of God.

And that's why when people told me it's impossible to realize Biblical 'theories' practically in their lives, I feel sad. Because if you can't hold on to truth and believe in its life saving and life changing grace and power, what else can you hold on to? It's either because you don't believe it, or you won't believe it. Either way, it shows how it is not important to you, to not let go of the restraints holding 'you' or your emotions back from it. To take that truth in your heart and believe in it. And how can a person not be lost unless they are grounded in what is certain and what is true?

And therefore I hold on that no matter the circumstance God is sovereign, His love unchanging, He is merciful, and nothing can seperate His beloved from Him. Amen.

A Turn of Events

Today was supposed to be a happy day. Attended the wedding of my ex-lab team leader, and am glad to see him so happy with his wife and family on his big day. And of course was bombarded by a tonne of questions: 'You're next! How are the preparations going etc.?" I haven't really gotten much of a head start due to some issues faced last week. But am really thankful that so many people wanted to come for our wedding. It made me feel very much loved.

It was towards the end of the wedding lunch that I was horrified after seeing a FB post saying that one of my hometown church members was on board the now infamous MH370 and is among the missing passengers. Went home to pray immediately and have been refreshing news updates on FB and the internet ever since. No news.

As I read through the track record of the plane and pilots and how this whole implausible situation had been made up by numerous coincidences, I couldn't help but keep coming to this conclusion: God has allowed this. God has allowed this. It was so near to not being able to happen, yet it happened, and I could only say God allowed this to happen.

My heart is heavy, and it goes out to all those even heavier hearts at home. A man with a family, still in his prime, still many so many things that he is able to achieve in life. So many hearts waiting for him and loving him. So many people not put at rest until that plane is found. And what about the other 236 passengers, some old people, some infants, probably most of them yet to be saved. But in the midst of everything there is this ringing assurance in my heart that this is something God allowed. It must be for His purpose, and His glory. And His glory also comes with another thing - it is for our good.

It is so difficult to hold on to this and it made this supposedly joyous day suddenly very very bleak. But in my heart I give thanks to God that firstly my brother in Christ is secure in a place that no dangers could ever harm him. Secondly, all things work for good for those who love God, which includes us and him. Thirdly, God has allowed this missing plane incident to happen, and on top of praying for safety for all those involved, I also want to pray for His intended glory to shine through. No matter in what way.

No we have not given up hope. Even though much time has elapsed I hope and pray for the safety of the passengers and they could be found. I hope that weeping in the night will turn into shouts of joy in the morning. But even more securely does my hope rest in a God that is merciful and loving and glorious. There is a hope that stands the test of time. This hope is there to lead us through life, death and more.

Goodbye Walking Alone (Soon)

Today I went out on another of my solitary shop and walk trips (which always end up with me buying nothing but lunch and dinner). As I walked home slowly it just struck me that after I get back into a normal day job, I won't have nice empty week days to spend such time walking out there on my own any more. The weekends will just be too short and too precious to be spent doing nothing chilling but in the Jurong East Public Library. And even if I have time for that the shopping malls and the library will be full of people and it will feel very different.

I guess moving into a day job means getting more 'we time', but at the same time, it loses my 'me time' which is very precious to me. A lifestyle that I have unconsciously cultivated over these two years plus of working shift. A luxury I quietly enjoy. Hours and hours alone with the day just blank ahead. Not profitable hours to be sure, but they are enjoyable ones.

My boss has already promised to get me out of shift by 3rd quarter of the year, though goodness knows which lab they'd transfer me into. Life will be very different a few years down the road. Though there is part of me that frets this great change, another part of me firmly testifies to myself that all along these two years plus of work, God has given me such favor among my colleagues and my superiors, and has taken care of my welfare so that I had no disadvantage at all although work conditions had changed so much. I have been so secure during times of change and flux, and although I have made mistakes and did things that were wrong, He provided forgiveness and favor both from Himself and from people.

As I finally let go of this hazy 'shift-life security', the security of having free time to myself, of drawing a higher salary, of not having to work longer hours that I was supposed to, the security of benefits shift workers have; I also acquire faith to walk into the unknown. Of not knowing who and where I will serve, what the people will be like, and how my work life balance would be like. But these are the things the flesh look at. All I can do now is to commit these things in prayer with faith: God, how can I serve you better now? How can I be shaped in my new environment? How can this help me trust You that You will provide for me and I will not be in want? How can I be a better steward of my finances and of my time?

As for now, let's just have a few more library trips while they last. :)

Angles

Jon has flown off to China to help out in a Christian youth camp over there. Again I realize how emotionally reliant I am on him because I felt at once lonely when he left. Although I already had CG to go that night, not to mention a houseful of housemates close to me.

So the first big bout of thankfulness came when Simon offered to pick me up a little way from the airport to CG, and once I had someone to chat with in the car, I didn't feel alone anymore. Then there was CG which I met WC for the first time a whole month after he joined us, and over the weekend I took 3 different cars around the back and forth home, got to knew HS and DN better, as well as met a new friend.

Suddenly I felt that the 'me' in there was so different once detached from the safe and comfy Jon and me community. People were more open to me, and so was I to them. I remember when Geri introduced me to her friend, I jokingly said that 'Jon's girlfriend' was my other, more popular, name. I guess in many ways that is true. Sharing, or preparing to share lives with someone else does take away individuality somewhat. But I am too made with my own 'shape', and cannot, out of complacency fall out of shape.

I guess that's something to think about this year too, as we prepare to go through most of our life together.

One more for 2013

So now I am bumping up and down in the shuttle bus on the way to the mrt station, and then home from night shift. Thought it would not be a bad idea to blog now since it's the last day of 2013.

I remember the start of last year. I callously started off the year assuming that I did not need a new year resolution. After all what's the point of having one when it doesn't really help? Or so I thought. So I left off the new year resolution.

 Many things happened this year. I suddenly got promoted to being a senior in my workplace. Started serious cg meetings as a core member and tried out bible study facilitation. Joined a DG (disciple group). Had an unforgettable gospel sharing experience at Manila. Got proposed to. Improved my craftsmenship by leaps and bounds. Played lots of board games. Went rock climbing. Went for weddings and housewarmings.

Yet throughout the year I feel a loss of direction. And there were things that happened and I just got this heavy, senseless, lost feeling most of the time. My quiet time was seldom quality time. My work was chaotic. My impatience to see growth in others was not in tandem with the lack of growth in myself.

So for next year, I shall set resolutions for myself. Not so to make things look neat and pretty but so that I have a direction and a set of priories to turn to when I get lost. And here they are.

1. I resolve to have quality quiet time each day and journal faithfully.

2. I resolve to responsibly plan my marriage as best as I can.

3. I resolve to do my best to be part of cg and contribute to its growth.

4. I resolve to take responsibility for my own spiritual growth and prioritize it over developing other skills.

5. I resolve to give my best at work, not complain and trust God to open doors for me.

6. I resolve not to talk behind people's back or put people down. I will also try my best to be encouraging esp to my family members and Jon.

7. I resolve to keep in touch with my friends, and attend their weddings and special events.

8. I resolve not to give up even though I cannot perfectly realize my resolutions.

There. Happy 2014! May it be a better year. 

So That I Still Remember to Blog

I haven't been blogging for a long time! The last few times I did was using my iPhone, but now, since I have moved on to a 12-hour shift, I do not take afternoon shift buses anymore, and hence do not have that big chunk of time to blog.

Anyway some thoughts for this last month of the year - not going to update much so here's just some random stuff. Many things happened and I just can't keep track of all! I think in between my blogging absence my grandfather got saved, Rachel left for Kuching, everybody's been bugging me and Jon about our barely existent wedding plans, I've picked up a new game which is the Chinese online version of Bang!

Since this is the last month of the year, and I doubt I'll be blogging again this year, here are some closing thoughts about this year, and some 'opening' ones about next year.

1. Marriage
I've been forced to think about marriage quite a bit ever since Jon proposed. Somehow my mind just automatically shuts down when it comes to planning stuff, and I'm sort of torn between wanting a decent marriage sequence of events and that strong inertia of not wanting to prepare for it. I just don't know why. And the date is drawing near, time is running short, and we've got nothing down on paper yet.

But the portions of Pastor J's marriage sermon series did help in many ways. It just goes deep down to what marriage is realistically like, and what it's supposed to be, and (the most exciting part), how it is an earthly portrayal of our heavenly unity with God. I have no doubts that marriage is never going to be easy, but I'm lucky in a sense that Jon is Jon, and he does give in to me a lot, and is patient with my faults. The hard part would rather be how I position myself to be a good helpmate instead of being always on the receiving end.

The reason why I said all these are comforting is because it takes my mind off the preparations and instead focuses on heart preparations instead. And that building a Christ centered family and keeping lasting memories is so much more than gowns, and events, and dinners, and photographs. Or even looking pretty on that big day or that the day runs well. I know this is a once-in-a-lifetime thing, but then again, which day in your life doesn't happen just that once in your life time?

And yes, ladies and gentlemen, I still do not plan/want/desire to have kids. Period.

2. Work
My performance at work this year is like a pendulum swinging across extreme ends. There are some things that I've been doing very well in, and at the same time I have been very careless with my routine work. It's true that I can always pin down the root cause to busyness which I cannot help, but I guess I just need to take ownership of the way I do things, and take some things to be granted without checking. I hope I can learn to be more careful with the little things I'm entrusted to, not just in work, but every part of my life.

But I'm very thankful for friendly and encouraging colleagues, as well as God-granted favors and understanding from my superiors. I'm thankful for new people I've met this year, and old ones I'm keeping in touch with. Sometimes I feel that I associate the human factor much to strongly at work, but it is something that I don't want to be detached from either.

I wonder how next year will turn out to be. I have plans for the future, but I need to wait for God's timing.

3. Growth
Thank God my cell group. If there's anything that I took home this year, it is how we grow in fellowship and love together. Never before have we taken together so many strong initiatives to give people a sense of togetherness in the CG. Never had we all gone out of our way to make people feel welcome. Thank God for Joey, I learned a lot from her. Thank God for Simon, I've always learned a lot from him and known him as a great teacher, but this year, I see him pushing himself and growing himself too. And I admire him for knowing his weaknesses and unhesitatingly correcting that. Thank God for the core group from which I've drawn much love and encouragement, and have motivated me to serve together. Thank God for the dear brothers and sisters in our now much-larger CG, being transparent in sharing, being faithful in service, being encouraging in conversations, although we haven't even know most of each other for even a year!

Thank God for growing our little family. Grow us more too, in every other way.

4. 2014
Frankly speaking I don't like this idea of entering into yet another new year. The previous one just slipped by way too quickly, and I'm officially going to be in my late twenties next year. It just felt like I celebrated last year's Christmas not too long ago, and 'happy new year' meant 'welcome 2013'! And 2014 is going to bring so many changes and new decisions to make. And I"m the sort that doesn't like flux and decision making. And PR renewal.

I think the reason why this year has gone by so quickly is that I've just been passing day after day, flipping my way across the calender just like that. All in a routine week. No challenges to self. Not much growth. Smothered by work. Taking it just week by week by week like that.

I hope 2014 would be more. I hope at the end of the year when I'm at the threshold of 2015, I'll look back and say: many things happened this year, and I'm glad this year happened. I hope that as I walk one year closer to eternity, it would be a joyful one for myself and those who walk with me!

Lessons Learned

I haven't been blogging for a long time. But so many things have been happening and I just want to record some thoughts today, that in a way has made me grow. Now is a time of flux in my life. Flux and burdens. And it either comes and goes wasted, or it will come and go, and grow.

Thoughts and learnings:

1. Unless The Lord builds, man labor in vain. It is pride to think that any labor or any good works for God can even amount to anything without His participation. It is foolish not to know that God grows. It is foolish to think that we labor and therefore we grow, and therefor we worry because it becomes all about us. Never forget the sovereignty and mightiness of God's hand. Never look down on His work, and never overestimate the impact of our own on our own.

2. Jon is important to me. I don't need a fancy wedding or even a normal conventional one. I need to marry the right person, at the right time, for the right reasons. And relationships are fragile things. How blessed am I to be in one that is meaningful and can grow me. How humbled am I too, that I have nothing to do with its preservation. 

3. I know my CG is a place full of people who care for each other. Yes we may be weak at reaching out to each and everyone person, even meeting their needs and making them at home. Yes we may not be sensitive. Yes we have priorities and do not like to over stretch ourselves. But I know if I have a need I just need to ask to receive from them the support I lack. And it is the same for me to them. Thanks for being consistent and being there for each other. I love you guys.

4. Work is just as important as I make it to be. I need to preserve my testimony and be Christ like at work. Yet I do not have to cross my personal physical and emotional boundaries to fulfill obligations. And favor comes from God. Not men.

5. I am just a girl with a lot of pride trying to do well, and care a lot about how people perceive me. And yet the gospel is about a finished work. Not an ongoing pursuit of excellence. It is a pursuit for desire, fueled by desire. It is a pursuit for glory, fuels by thanksgiving and humility and faith. It is a pursuit of a work not completed by ourselves but the finished work of divine love. Thank God for the gospel. For saving me from my sins, and my self.

Ninety

Going home for my home church for her 90th anniversary. I regret to say that I didn't do anything much for this year's celebration except copy out Psalm 90 by hand. Wanted to compose a song for the event, but did not do it eventually due to lack of inspiration and time constraints. Also, I couldn't think of a better song than Keith Getty and Stuart Townend's O Church Arise. Seriously, each time these two work together, wonders happen.

Rich, pertinent, and heart-touching lyrics. Wonderful melody and accompaniment. And as usual, passionately sang by Kristyn Getty. May it be a reminder to our Church and ourselves today. May the bride vigilantly prepare herself to meet her groom who bought her with His blood.

O Church Arise and put your armour on
Hear the call of Christ our Captain
For now the weak can say that they are strong
In the strength that God has given
With shield of faith and belt of truth
We’ll stand against the devil’s lies
An army bold whose battle-cry is Love
Reaching out to those in darkness

Our call to war to love the captive soul
But to rage against the captor
And with the sword that makes the wounded whole
We will fight with faith and valour
When faced with trials on every side
We know the outcome is secure
And Christ will have the prize for which He died
An inheritance of nations

Come see the cross where love and mercy meet
As the Son of God is stricken
Then see His foes lie crushed beneath His feet
For the Conqueror has risen
And as the stone is rolled away
And Christ emerges from the grave
This victory march continues till the day
Every eye and heart shall see Him

So Spirit come put strength in every stride
Give grace for every hurdle
That we may run with faith to win the prize
Of a servant good and faithful
As saints of old still line the way
Retelling triumphs of His grace
We hear their calls and hunger for the day
When with Christ we stand in glory

Changing teams

I just said goodbye to a few more of my colleagues from the production side of my team today. From 23 September onward, I will be moving to join a team that I am barely familiar with for good. Will miss my team, for their trust and friendship built across these two years of familiarity. Some things are hard to let go of.

Moving to this new team would be one of the greatest challenge in my working year. I will have to start from scratch to build a close working relationship as I have with my current lab and production team mates, and take in a new subculture unique from team to team. I will also need to stand in for my team leader when he is not around, and train up a new junior. 

Yet I have comfort in through all this God is intentional in leading me this way. I passed many forks along the road that may change the fact if I was to be transferred or otherwise, and each time the path to my transfer was unbelievingly smooth. So smooth that it drove my heart to a strong realization that this transfer has the will of God in it for me, just as He intentionally gave this job to me. I draw comfort and joy from that. I believe He will grow me through this.

So these two weeks I say my goodbyes when getting ready to embrace yet another change in my working life. May this be for God's glory and His kingdom.

For the people?

What happened to 'medicine is for the people'?

Today I only hear the words 'this is a business' that are crudely, continually used to jolt us on. 

But isn't medicine for the people? Won't the profits 'just follow' if we remember that? Why oh why not first take care of your own people?

Medicine is for the people? Or for the business? No wonder we are falling behind these days. Yes you squeeze work out here and there. But do you know that hearts too are getting squeezed dry? Passions quenched and burned out?

As flames are getting snuffed out and replaced by more less-noble emotions, let me myself not forget that medicine is for the people, and more so, my life is for God's glory. Let not the environment change that. Let not the management system change that. Let not the hearts around me change that. Let not my heart change that.

Manila-d

This is a super long overdue post of Manila. The trip was most memorable.

Manila kids are definitely different from Negros. The demographics were different from last year too. I preached the gospel to many college kids this year aged 16 to 19. The high school kids had quite a good command of English too, as compared to those in Negros last year. Negros schools were more rural whereas Manila was a city.

Many of us who went last year told me they preferred Negros because the students responded better. The students in Manila were not as emotional and as receptive. Last year many tears fell as I preached the gospel. This year there were tears too, but way way lesser.

I don't know why but I actually preferred the classes I went into this year. Firstly the students were at an age where they were more discerning toward the things they heard and they were more searching. They can first appear disinterested, but when you meet their needs with the gospel message, it just lifts me up each time those indifferent faces light up with concern and understanding. Not that simple faith doesn't work but to a person who works things out with her mind like myself somehow this resonates better.

The workload this year was slightly heavier. I went into more classes than last year. High schools were physically trying when there is a need to struggle for their attention. College students were emotionally trying. To enter a class whereby the lecturer says '10 minutes only', look at their eyes which zap away my emotional energy by the sheer amount of different needs each presents and to shape my gospel presentation spontaneously based on the vibes they present. 

Some of my fondest memories of this year's classes. A 10 minute presentation in a philosophy college class whereby nearly the whole class ended up emotional or tearing. God actually used that very short presentation by a total stranger to do a work in their hearts! I was struck, touched and very encouraged. Another instance was in a year 2 high school class. When I asked questions to be more engaging a little boy with pink painted fingernails deliberately shouted the wrong answers to disrupt the session. He gradually toned down and started listening as I proceeded, and in the end when I called for them to raise their hands if they accepted Jesus, he put his up confidently and looked straight into my eyes. And another when i entered the noisiest high school class ever in faith telling God in my heart: i can only depend on You to speak in this one! They were playing games and there were not enough chairs to seat them but they arranged themselves quietly on the floor when I started. And miraculously the two classes directly next to mine became quiet too (they were noisy as well) and the whole class looked at me and listened. Yet another instance when a sweet year 11 girl told me she has accepted Jesus and asked me to sign on her notebook for memories' sake. Another little boy followed suit and I ended up having to turn down the rest.

It was an uphill job going into their hearts but when the gospel reached there, there's nothing but sheer joy and encouragement seeing God work. 

The gospel is a gospel of power indeed. I not only saw that in the classroom but it was strongly evident in the lives of the Smci-ians that worked with us. The spirit of serving us, the joy when they worked, the simple faith and the perseverance, the love. Every single day I find myself touched by one or more of them. To the extent that I even think to myself all the time: this is Jesus in them. This is Jesus in them. No other thing could have grown into such abundant fruit. It is a joy to see them, a joy beyond description. It shows not just the saving grace of the gospel but its incredible life changing power. These brethren, their lives do the gospel justice!

I will continue with the proposal blog nx time :) thanks for reading.

Minions

I watched Despicable Me 2 with Joey, Stacey and Rachel.

Enjoyed the outing but felt a little let down with regards to the movie. [Spoilers Alert.] Seriously, the minions are over-rated, at least in my opinion. Drastically so. 

I enjoyed the first movie so much mainly because of its novel plot, and of course, the characters are appealing. Now they are attempting somehow to skew off the main characters to focus more on the minions instead. Cute or not, it was rather irritating to watch their brainless antics for half the show. More time could have been spent to flesh out the human characters more.

The plot line was so-so and execution was average. Humour was standard. No idea why one of my friends even watched it twice! 

众人皆醉我独醒

今天真的有这种感觉。

你们口中说的那所谓的成熟

那所谓的情绪淡定

是要付出代价的

当你一个人沉着

别人在大声喧嚷

不能肯定体谅你

却理所当然的向你索取那些肯定和体谅

没有人顾虑我心里的害怕和不安

而我却要再说的每一句话前

考虑是否影响你们的情绪

当你们互相影响时

又要体谅又要解围

人说忍耐是有极限的

而极限这个东西

离我似乎越发遥远

每天都是新的。大的。高的。

因为我心里的希望和喜乐。

让我可以无极限的往下撑。

Investments

Today my colleagues were talking about investments and insurance options during dinner.

I don't know if investing is The Thing to do at this age. Many seem to be doing that and getting really decent returns. I wonder why they do it - for security only, or to hope for a windfall? Maybe for both?

I don't know why I've never spent my life thinking or planning how to get rich. Maybe I am too lazy. But I do think there are certain stuff in life I would be fine doing without. Branded clothes bags shoes. Expensive face hair and body treatment. High tech IT applications. Concert and musical tickets. Big houses and cars.

I wish from the very bottom of my heart that I would grow old, loving the things I love now, that these things will continue to make me happy. Board games with friends. Walking to grocery shopping, snacking in hawker centers, spending a day in east coast park. Wearing 10 dollar tee shirts. Drinks from vending machines.

As for those medical bills and housing bills, I just need to be responsible enough in planning and faithful enough to give mercifully and thankfully to those who need it. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Because God takes care of tomorrow.